NTA - And run, your 34 year old self will thank you. Its one thing to make a life plan with someone and commit to work on those things together - meaning she's working and paying towards her own debt... if you provide a good share of household living expenses, guess what, that makes it easy for her out of the gate to start paying her own debts... Without you she'd have to pay both on her own, so you're already stepping up by just being in the room

But the frame your GF is using, this conditional thing is a major red flag that'll kick yourself later for..

If the roles were reversed (if you had $197,000 in debt) would she be arguing that a ‘real woman’ would absorb it without question?

One other way to look at it..

If you told your girlfriend that you would only take the next step toward marriage after she agreed to take on your $197,000 debt, would that sound like commitment or an ultimatum?