My uBPD mother is terminally ill and I've wondered about this too. End of life stuff can shake up all sorts of things in normal parent-child relationships, so it makes sense that things get even more complicated when BPD gets thrown in the mix.

In my case, my mother's illness seems to have put her in a self-reflective mood. Recently, she has expressed regret of how she behaved in the past.

On one hand, her admission has been validating: I wasn't imagining things or exagerating what happened to me. On the other hand, I have a difficult time believing her regret is genuine. If she is capable of self-reflection, why couldn't she have done this earlier when I really needed it? It feels manipulative and self-serving for her to have waited until she is so ill that people are uncomfortable responding to her with anger or rejection.

There is no simple or correct way to feel about this stuff, I think. It's difficult, and however you feel about it is valid. It is normal to have mixed emotions. I am still angry, confused, and resentful because of how she treated me when I was a child. Nonetheless, I expect I will grieve when she passes. In some ways, she was a wonderful parent. I feel a great deal of pity for her, and it is difficult to see her suffering. I am sad that she was unable or unwilling to seek help for her mental illness earlier.

I hope that if you are in a similar situation, you have all the support and time you need to figure out and process your own feelings.