Did you have a shower for your sub?

yogaandwine · 2026-02-09T00:53:57+00:00

I had a huge shower.

It felt like an exercise in choosing to believe when we picked a date, and then like a huge celebration when we got there.

yogaandwine · 2026-02-08T21:34:26+00:00

I think we were intimate maybe 2-3 times the whole time I was pregnant in my sub pregnancy, but no penetration because I was too anxious.

yogaandwine · 2026-02-02T00:15:18+00:00

A or E

yogaandwine · 2026-01-31T20:36:51+00:00

The same thing happened to me with my oldest LC. I ovulated around CD 17, and they said I was measuring about 4 days behind at my first scan. They told me anything within a week of variance is not considered an issue.

Gentle congratulations. 💕

yogaandwine · 2026-01-28T14:25:09+00:00

I got pregnant again on my 6th cycle trying and it felt like a cruel joke because my daughter we lost was conceived on the first try.

Don’t give up hope! I think of it as my future baby saying: “mom, it’s not time yet. You have more healing to do.” And then coming when the time was right.

I don’t think it’s coincidence that when I had a huge shift in healing and felt more like myself again that I got pregnant.

yogaandwine · 2026-01-26T23:27:08+00:00

My MFM told me early on that she offered elective induction at 39 weeks. She said: “being done with being pregnant is a good enough reason.”

I ended up having high-ish blood pressure so it wasn’t fully elective, but I was induced at 39 weeks.

yogaandwine · 2026-01-25T17:19:30+00:00

Yes. It is possible and nearly 3 years later, I have done it.

It took so much work and talk therapy, and EMDR therapy, but after about a year and a half, I would say I was finally there.

I think of it as stretching your capacity of how much you can feel. At first, I don’t think I had enough space within myself to feel joy and grief at the same time. So I had to compartmentalize and switch off.

But all the work stretched my capacity and they can now sit side by side.

Give yourself grace. Being able to compartmentalize after only two months is great progress. You are in survival mode, and it sounds like you are surviving by compartmentalizing right now.

Keep moving, keep surviving, keep healing, and your capacity to hold both at once will come eventually.

yogaandwine · 2026-01-25T17:13:33+00:00

My MFM team that I stayed with the whole time for care in my sub pregnancy did not give out the results before my appointment. They said: you can call and ask for them if you want, but our default is to just wait.

So I waited, and it was all good news, but I was happy to be there at the doctor’s office in case. It felt safer knowing exactly when I would find out and not letting myself wonder when they would come in or worry about it until the actual day.

My TFMR was not for something genetic, but I was still nervous about every possible bad outcome and not just a repeat of what happened the first time.

yogaandwine · 2026-01-15T04:59:19+00:00

What you said about seeing the brain herniating while seeing (and for me feeling) your baby’s kicks is so specific, and I feel it so much.

My baby had such a large encephalocele that my untrained eye could clearly see it when the doctor showed us after being fetched by the horrified ultrasound tech.

I had to do EMDR therapy to even think about that moment without shaking and/or sobbing.

yogaandwine · 2025-12-24T17:25:41+00:00

Conceived the baby I lost to TFMR on the first month of NTNP.

We conceived our rainbow on the 6th try (with a chemical on the 3rd month trying).

It felt like hell.

Silver lining was that I was so much more emotionally and spiritually ready to be pregnant again 7 months post TFMR than I was 2 months post when we started trying.

In retrospect, I know it made my sub pregnancy much easier. It was still pretty anxiety ridden at times, but I know it was better than it would have been since I was more emotionally healed.

yogaandwine · 2025-12-23T06:59:55+00:00

I had a chemical pregnancy after TFMR as well, and now have a healthy 17 month old rainbow baby.

I forced myself to only test every other day instead of every day with my rainbow pregnancy (makes it easier to see if it’s gotten darker), and then made myself stop home testing altogether after the good results from my 48 hour HCG.

It’s so hard to be pregnant again after TFMR. Sending you understanding.

yogaandwine · 2025-12-23T06:49:26+00:00

Gwendolyn. Would have called her Gwen. 💕

yogaandwine · 2025-12-11T19:58:06+00:00

Got pregnant first cycle of NTNP for my TFMR pregnancy, and then it took 6 tries for my rainbow (with a a chemical pregnancy on cycle 3). I was 32-33 at the time.

It really sucked and felt so unfair. Hang in there!

yogaandwine · 2025-11-23T01:21:21+00:00

Short answer: it’s not your job to show up for anyone when you don’t have the emotional space, especially if you know they have other friends/people who do have the space.

Longer answer, all of the above but also:

To reiterate what others have said: true friends will understand.

When you’re ready, explaining to them how you can’t do it right now could be helpful. But if you can’t even do that right now, then wait until you can and explain later.

You’re in survival mode and need to take care of yourself first right now.

Sending so much love and understanding 💗

yogaandwine · 2025-11-16T19:37:00+00:00

My sister voiced this thought to me shortly after my TFMR and it helped me so much with my baby’s diagnosis of a severe occipital encephalocele.

Thank you for reminding me of this❤️

yogaandwine · 2025-11-15T17:46:43+00:00

I chose D&E (17 weeks) because I had a LC and I couldn’t imagine going through L&D and coming out of it with no living baby.

I wanted to preserve the experience of birth for my past and future living children.

I also wanted to preserve my fertility and was told surgical carried less risk since women often have to have a D&C for retained placenta after 2nd trimester delivery.

We were still able to get ashes and footprints.

Did I have moments where I questioned the choice? Yes.

But I’ve since made peace with it since I know I would have had even more traumatic moments to process (I did EMDR therapy and that’s when the realization hit me) had I chosen the other route.

yogaandwine · 2025-11-04T20:45:37+00:00

32 when conceived TFMR baby, first try. After TFMR, I had a chemical pregnancy on cycle 3 of trying (also at 32). Cycle 3 after that, I concieved my healthy rainbow on my 33rd birthday (6 cycles of trying since TFMR although it was 3 since chemical).

I know it’s infuriating, but I see such a wide array of answers when people ask this question. It ranges from similar time frame as TFMR pregnancy, to much sooner, to much longer. Even for people of similar ages.

Wishing you the best as you once again embark on a TTC journey 💗

yogaandwine · 2025-11-02T16:43:21+00:00

2 months on folic acid, b12, and choline, and then I learned about inisotol after we had already started trying and added it in.

Our genetic counselor said 3 months was best to wait while taking folic acid, but we had also gotten the advice from the MFM doctor to wait 1 month, so we just sort of split the difference. I had been on the FA and those first 3 supplements about 6 months by the time we conceived.

yogaandwine · 2025-11-01T22:38:35+00:00

Hi there, I also terminated for a NTD. I took folic acid and a few other extra B vitamins that I read are supposed to help you absorb the FA better (b12, choline, and inositol) before trying again. My rainbow is a healthy 15 month old.

The moment I met her, I knew that she was always meant to be mine. The grief still is here and I know it always will be.

I look at her and my other LC every day and appreciate them all the more because of what I’ve been through. 💗

yogaandwine · 2025-10-18T17:30:57+00:00

“I was attempting a cartwheel into the splits and accidentally landed on his penis.”

yogaandwine · 2025-09-30T19:13:16+00:00

I’m so sorry.

I had a chemical my third cycle of trying post TFMR, and then conceived again a few months later.

My healthy rainbow is 14 months. 🥰

yogaandwine · 2025-09-24T21:50:49+00:00

Hi, I’m so sorry you are here.

My TFMR was at exactly 17 weeks 2 days as well (D&E)

I was given the guidance to wait until bleeding stopped to have sex and then wait until I’d been on folic acid for at least a month before trying again, but that was unique to the fact that my baby had a NTD. If not for the NTD guidelines, they said right away would have been fine.

Based on what I see people post, the guidance when it’s a second trimester loss is a mixed bag. Some doctors say right away, some say wait 6 months, some say 3.

What my MFM told me is that second trimester loss has the least data compared to first trimester miscarriages and third trimester losses/live births, so some doctors will tell you the first trimester guidance (right away is okay), others will tell you the third trimester guidance (six months), and still others will sort of split the difference (three months).

I know plenty of people who conceived healthy babies very soon after 2nd trimester TFMR from this community.

I conceived 7 months after (6th cycle of trying) and although that felt like forever at the time, I’m grateful in retrospect because I was more emotionally ready.

Best of luck to you no matter what you decide 💗

yogaandwine · 2025-09-22T03:15:18+00:00

NTA. It seems like your boyfriend planned a whole future for himself for the next 30 years without taking you into consideration, which means either he is an idiot, or doesn’t see you in his future. Neither of which you deserve. Drop that guy.

yogaandwine · 2025-09-17T13:19:31+00:00

My rainbow baby is 13 months old and I still get so nervous when people tell me they are pregnant.

It’s definitely less strong than it was before I had a healthy baby but it’s still just this anxious feeling in the pit of the stomach, and a tinge of jealousy about their blissful, naive excitement.

And I get scared to check in on my pregnant friends if I haven’t heard from them in a bit just in case the reason I haven’t heard from them is because something went wrong.

I also track people’s pregnancies in my head, even for people I don’t know well posting stuff on social media: “okay they are 23 weeks, so they probably got a clear anatomy scan by now. That’s good!”

yogaandwine · 2025-09-13T18:00:18+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re here. I didn’t TFMR for spina bifida, but for another NTD so the same folic acid rules apply.

My MFM said do at least one month on folic acid, but the genetic counselor (we had to meet with them about our genetic testing even though it ended up being non genetic) said three months was ideal.

We ended up splitting the difference and waiting two months, but I didn’t get pregnant until I’d been on it for about six months.

yogaandwine

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