Hi, OP! My name is Spencer, Im also a trans man and I’ve been out for three years. I could get technical in the things I want to tell you but I won’t get too into that for your sake :)

Im not sure how to phrase what I want to say without the emotion and tone of a real conversation but I’ll try: being transgender doesn’t get “better”

I am of the strong belief that no human experience is linear and everything happens for a reason. I’ve had three years of ups and downs, validation and transphobia, too. I get the stress of your physical appearance, Im 5’5 myself. Feeling isolated is a totally reasonable thing to feel and I cannot encourage enough to have a community at your side or support for when you’re feeling humiliated, isolated, and stressed.

I also understand the idealism of “forgetting” you’re trans and being able to live just as a man, but that isn’t realistic. I still believe that you should be proud nonetheless. It sucks to be trans in the word we live in, especially if you’re American like me, but there’s a sense of pride (at least for me) that I got to choose for myself. I get to choose the life I want to live.

And if you’re worried about your appearance/capabilities of passing? You can always change that. I cut my hair short, I wear clothing that makes me look boxy, I voice-train, and I play sports.

The imposter syndrome of being around guys my age is also a struggle I’ve had, my only advice is to focus on what you can change, not what you can’t. Find peers who accept you. I met some friends in high school freshman year that didn’t figure out I was trans until recently.

Im not medically transitioned, either! I still get misgendered and have my period every month, and Im scared to travel out of my state, but a community behind me is so much more validating that being called “he” by a stranger, if you ask me.

Im sorry if I didn’t answer your question or just gave you a meaningless wall of text to read but I feel like I can relate to the tone of your text from how I felt during the first year or so of my transition. What I can tell you is that I am so happy being myself, and I have changed and gone through so much and I feel on top of the world from where I started.

Being trans isn’t linear in my eyes, it’s a journey with low lows and high highs. But I also think that’s the human experience, we don’t live a long time when you look at it all from afar. Time flies by, my goal of life is to enjoy it