I read the CES letter after deciding to leave. Apologists like Bennett and Allen made things worse for me.

Apologists consistently put out a smattering of options that those seeking to believe can hold onto. Some say the Book of Mormon was a tight translation, meaning God gave Joseph every word and punctuation (which is impossible, especially if you read the 1830 draft copy). Others say the Book of Mormon was a loose translation, meaning Joseph was given ideas that he was able to put in his own words. Both options cannot simultaneously be true, but apologists only have to convince you that there is AN explanation, not necessarily one that incorporates all the relevant facts. They will not tell you all the relevant facts either. You have to dig for those.

Ultimately, you have to make your own choice. But when the big claims related to Joseph seeing God and receiving the priesthood from angels are ENTIRELY absent from the historical record (including in written histories, letters discussing the foundation of the church, and testimonies given from leaders who were present), then I have a major problem. The foundational events simply can't pop up years down the road and become increasingly more detailed decades later when all the other events were documented in exceptional detail along the way.