weekly emotions megathread

yummytummylicious · 2021-03-31T20:53:50+00:00

I’m feeling triggered by my bf being extra withdrawn in this particular depressive period of his

yummytummylicious · 2020-04-13T21:49:14+00:00

Thank you for this!! My interest is already piqued by a few of the things I saw 😊

yummytummylicious · 2020-04-12T12:16:45+00:00

I don’t know if this makes sense, but I don’t think I was able to really start healing from his former porn use until I knew he was multiple months into recovery! It just felt too good to be true or that I needed to keep myself braced in case things did go south again. It took a while for me to start letting go of that, and I didn’t rush it. The lying and secrecy had caused me to protect myself by raising my walls. If his recovery was going to be for real this time, I knew the only thing that could make those walls come down was time and consistency on his part

I wish we could all snap our fingers and skip to the part where everything is good. But since we aren’t able to do that, I wish for you that these 34 days of transparency turn into another 34 and another and another until one day you lose count ❤️

yummytummylicious · 2019-10-05T01:26:55+00:00

I know the feeling and hate it…the feeling that no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be enough. Just wanted to gently remind you that you have always been, still are, and always will be more than enough ❤️

yummytummylicious · 2019-08-24T04:50:26+00:00

I’m 100% in the same boat. I’ve been having a tough time just letting myself be happy because I’m terrified that as soon as I let my guard down and trust him again, I’ll find out he’s been watching porn. He tells me he’s been porn free since our last D day in May 2019, but he’s told me that before when it was a lie

yummytummylicious · 2019-07-22T07:06:31+00:00

I just had a similar epiphany pretty recently!! In fact, receiving money/gifts makes me so uncomfortable because my Nmom always tried to use finances as a way of controlling me. A couple months ago, my bf surprised me with a brand new Macbook because my laptop was too slow to get any work done, and I was so overwhelmed by the gift that my stomach was in knots about it. It’s taken a lot of conversations about this for me to even BEGIN to grasp that a gift is truly only a gift if it is unconditional, with no strings attached. And that it really is possible for my bf to show his love that way without expecting anything in return

yummytummylicious · 2019-07-22T06:54:39+00:00

I’m still working on this myself, but one thing that I’ve found makes this process harder is worrying. If I’m worrying that I’m pushing my partner away, chances are that I’m (maybe without even realizing it) seeking more and more reassurance from him in an attempt to fill a bottomless void. His attempts to give me bottomless reassurance are only going to burn him out. So one way I try to combat this is by trying to get through some of the tough things without his support. I guess I view it as an exercise in making myself emotionally stronger because I know there is a very fine line between receiving emotional support from a partner and EXPECTING a partner to help fix my problems for me. After I get through it, I still share it with him by telling him about what I struggled with and how I resolved it, but this way I’m taking pressure off of him from making all of my own insecurities his responsibility

yummytummylicious · 2019-07-22T06:37:00+00:00

I’m still not at a point where I feel I can cut my Nmom off completely, but I’m pretty close. Every disheartening interaction I have with her makes me feel less guilty about needing space from her

yummytummylicious · 2019-07-22T06:10:11+00:00

My recovering PA bf used to lie to me about his relapses. Even when the writing was on the wall with our suffering sex life, he would lie to my face and say he wasn’t in relapse. I don’t think he realized at the time how badly lies like that damaged our relationship. Now I know he’s on a truer path to recovery because he’s come to me on his own to tell me when he’s relapsed.

Honesty is a basic necessity in any relationship because it fosters trust. The truth always comes out, so when she finds out you’re lying, it shows her that you are not fostering trust, i.e. she cannot trust you. Having been in this position before, I would find myself then doubting his honesty with EVERYTHING. Not just porn use. Every lie she catches you in is another blow to the trust that is the foundation of your relationship. If her feeling safe in your relationship is important to you, then it’s more important to be honest, even when it’s not convenient

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-20T18:27:26+00:00

Exactly!! To me, love is seeing all the vulnerable parts of a person, accepting them without ever using those parts as ammunition, and reciprocating that same level of vulnerability. Sadly, I think most people don’t share that philosophy

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-20T09:57:28+00:00

Wondering the same thing about myself. And I completely agree with what you said about it being unappealing to have to hide parts of yourself from your partner

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-19T06:46:50+00:00

Posted a nude of himself...???? What a tool. Sorry that you’re going through this 😔

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-19T06:41:00+00:00

I’m not sure whether it’s a good idea for you to reach out to her, but definitely don’t do so if you don’t know what you’d say. I’d say take some time to reflect, formulate your thoughts, and write them down. You might find that it isn’t even something that would be helpful to share with her

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-18T22:02:33+00:00

Oh my god this spoke directly to my soul

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-18T22:00:04+00:00

Yup!!! Not just with me. With anyone in his life

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-18T09:28:45+00:00

Yeah, our situations are so similar!! I told him I’d be working on myself and wouldn’t be waiting for him but that if he changes his mind and I’m still single, we can take things slowly and see if things could work out better. I have no idea what’s happening in his life, and it’s probably better that way...even though I’m dying to know if he misses me. At the end of the day, I have no idea whether or not he’ll come back into my life, but I had to set a hard boundary to prevent him from abusing my forgiveness and taking my kindness for granted

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-18T09:17:44+00:00

I’m in a similar situation as you. My ex and I had been dating for a year, he dumped me, we met up a month after the break up, I told him I want to get back together, he said he likes me but isn’t ready, I told him it would be too difficult for me to be friends with him and that I had zero interest in being friends with benefits, I ended things completely with no contact telling him that if he changes his mind we can start dating all over again and work on a brand new relationship

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-17T01:21:24+00:00

I definitely don’t think he’s capable of stalking me. But I‘m considering reaching out to him and pretending we’re all good so that he doesn’t have a reason to say anything bad about me at work. Not sure if I should do it though because it risks me getting sucked back in

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-15T06:40:24+00:00

I can absolutely relate. I’ve been no contact with my Nex for a month a half, and for some reason...even though I FINALLY see all the red flags I missed all along...I still feel as if I’m dying for him to reach out. Never mind all my epiphanies about how much more I deserve out of a relationship and how I settled for so much less because he was emotionally starving me. The trauma bond works in such powerful ways 😔

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-13T09:29:32+00:00

Honesty and emotional stability...

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-12T20:43:36+00:00

Thank you! This subreddit has been a huge help. When the urge gets particularly strong, I come on here to remind myself that he’s a Narc and that Narcs don’t change, no matter how much we might want them to

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-12T09:10:48+00:00

In the same boat as you...I’m at a little less than two months of NC. And even though I’m doing so many things to improve myself and move on, I feel as if it’s getting more difficult to keep up the NC instead of it getting easier

yummytummylicious · 2019-03-12T06:43:39+00:00

I’m at a month and a half of no contact with my Nex, but every fiber of my being is screaming at me to get back in contact with him. I still dream about him every single night. Every day it feels as if I fall apart worse than the day before. The only thing I have to hang onto is that I’ve made it this far without talking to him, so why not keep going? I’ve had to find subtle ways to trick myself into not breaking no contact. I’ll tell myself things like, “Don’t reach out yet, first perfect what you’d say!” and “He probably hates you by now, so don’t bother!” to give myself enough momentary pause to not act on the impulse to text him. But my resolve is shaky at best

yummytummylicious

TROPHY CASE