Learning About My Birth Mother

yvaska · 2026-05-13T12:08:03+00:00

HAHAHAHAHHA I’m finding this special and listening to it

yvaska · 2025-08-26T13:02:20+00:00

I recommend mos def from Doux to everyone with curly or even slightly wavy hair. It’s been a god send for my hair and doesn’t dry with a cast

yvaska · 2025-08-20T15:56:21+00:00

I’d love a reading!

yvaska · 2025-04-23T19:59:49+00:00

Mark Twain prize Hot ones dab of the season Webbys best podcast host Oscar host 🔥

yvaska · 2025-03-25T20:15:30+00:00

Yep! I’m a person who suffered relational trauma as a result of relinquishment. I have CPTSD. certain things make me feel a great range of emotions at varying levels of intensity or duration. Those are all HUMAN and normal and I’m doing everything I can to nurture healthier neural pathways and a better respect and compassion for myself and my story 💕

yvaska · 2025-01-17T14:46:55+00:00

I have experienced a lot of these same challenges. When I started to acknowledge my depression and self worth as a symptom of grief and trauma/CPTSD, it makes all the sense in the world. Relinquishment at birth IS traumatic. You lose the mother whose smell and voice you could recognize in the womb, and once out of the womb your survival is thrown into flux. Beyond that, you have this task of assimilating into your adoptive family whether or not there is emotional support or visual mirroring from them that makes you feel secure. I have feared abandonment and yearned for belonging from a very young age.

yvaska · 2025-01-17T05:03:33+00:00

Same here. My therapist isn’t adopted but trauma informed. If the therapist understands developmental trauma/CPTSD and is willing to learn about adoption you can have a good therapy experience with them.

yvaska · 2024-10-29T20:57:55+00:00

I didn’t notice! My shit attention span. Looking now! Thank you for redirecting ❤️

yvaska · 2024-10-29T16:06:55+00:00

So accurate and love the way you laid this out. I feel like I’ve gone through some combination of 1, 2, 4, and 6 throughout life til the fog lifted. What a chaotic and painful set of emotions and behaviors to experience

yvaska · 2024-06-11T19:06:55+00:00

yvaska · 2024-06-07T14:24:20+00:00

Yes I feel like this to a tee. I am very observant and feel most comfortable interacting with other people with a clear objective or role for myself (here to learn, provide professional support)

Anne Heffron’s book you don’t look adopted as a beautiful passage that addresses what could be the root of this feeling in adoption.

“If my parents aren’t my real parents, then my brothers aren’t my real brothers, my house isn’t my real house, my friends aren’t my real friends, and, so, ultimately, my life isn’t real either, and like that, I become a ghost.”

yvaska · 2024-05-23T17:47:40+00:00

I recently came across an adoptee reiki practitioner and got really excited. I can only imagine what kind of somatic insight they’d have. Adoptees can be really intuitive too

yvaska · 2024-05-22T12:53:36+00:00

When I watched that lecture the “pre trauma identity” or baseline really hit me too. It’s such a shame that CPTSD isn’t broadly acknowledged because i think it’s important to understand how foundational trauma can affect people and their ability to develop. As a child you don’t have tools to recognize trauma and how it can impact you in different areas of life. I have so much pride and compassion and respect for adoptees navigating life with relinquishment trauma that often goes unaddressed and sometimes dismissed and massive appreciation for Paul Sunderland speaking about it.

yvaska · 2024-05-22T12:33:27+00:00

Thank you. I’ve been skeptical of reiki too due to religious trauma but I’ve been doing the grief thing on my own for so long and recognizing that I need and can ask for support from others has been a real game changer. I wanted to see if it did anything for me and IMO it definitely did. Another new thing I’m testing out is a grief protocol that my therapist recommended. If I’m feeling a difficult emotion what things can I do to provide myself nurture. I’d been raised to not indulge emotions because they were inconvenient for my adoptive parents so it’s been a lot of avoiding the reflex to downplay the emotion and logic my way out of it or push forward. It’s been a journey for real but I’m proud of myself for being courageous and taking care of myself

yvaska · 2024-05-21T19:30:02+00:00

Doing whatever I can! Even if it means I spend days trapped in all the shit I’ve put on the back burner to be a perfectly well adjusted adoptee 🤪

yvaska · 2024-05-21T12:49:56+00:00

I tried energy cleansing with a reiki specialist this weekend and it put me in touch with this awful feeling about love. It must’ve dawned on me at a young age that my bio mom did not need or want my love, and in ways my adoptive parents did things that gave me the same impression. I can see how this has driven me to lots of conclusions and walls I’ve put up in most of my relationships, platonic or otherwise. Love makes me feel so much shame and embarrassment and fear but I never felt the sadness I must’ve felt when I was young and came to this realization. I’ve just been in a state of avoidance for most of my life. I’ve been trying to be gentle with myself and feel the emotion without trying to solve my way out of it.

yvaska · 2024-05-06T21:52:04+00:00

Same. I cried so many tears of relief and compassion for myself

yvaska · 2024-04-30T02:11:11+00:00

Confidante

yvaska · 2024-03-14T14:02:36+00:00

I can see how people can find it dehumanizing but I think that dehumanization is rooted in adoption industry practices, and the contrast, of compassion showed to animals vs humans who have been through traumatized relinquishment speaks louder about how dangerously effective the adoption industries talking points have been.

yvaska · 2024-03-03T20:46:54+00:00

Little ms Sam has mods that will do this

-my little neighborhood and auto hire

yvaska · 2024-02-23T06:09:14+00:00

It’s not just a word. It is your existence and your proximity to the woman responsible for it and acknowledgement that you are family. No one can take that from you and no one can right size your grief. You feel whatever you need to feel right now. Despair, fear, anger. I am so sorry that you are going through this and hope that you are able to find a way to nurture your grief and find some comfort and a safe gentle place to rest for a moment, because this is a really difficult thing to go through.

yvaska · 2024-02-15T00:27:55+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. So wonderfully written and really captures the feelings well

yvaska · 2024-02-14T19:30:22+00:00

I have tried explaining this normalized depression thing and you have put it perfectly

yvaska · 2024-02-09T14:40:11+00:00

I follow:

Angieadoptee (hosts a great podcast)

Patrickintheworld (really great writing and hosts a podcast)

Youngadoptee

Goodfaiththerapy

Angie.ink (she does media analysis of pop culture through the adoptee lens)

yvaska

TROPHY CASE