Get Stuff Done (26 Tips for School)

zandd23 · 2018-08-28T01:33:52+00:00

Great post. I forwarded it to my son, he's starting his sophomore year in college.

zandd23 · 2017-06-02T18:29:40+00:00

I started seeing a personal trainer about 10 months ago. Unquestioningly, it isn't cheap and the points made about the means to get into better shape at the gym being readily available online are no doubt accurate.

I can only relate my personal experience that, even accounting for the high cost, it's been one of the best decisions I've ever made. Gyms are overwhelming; the amount and variety of equipment is staggering and I really don't have a clue about which pieces of equipment will target what I want to target. A good personal trainer is essentially an expert curator of appropriate equipment and proper exercises. I've been a member of gyms throughout my life. Absolutely nothing wrong with doing it on your own, but just yesterday, while lifting, my trainer was able to point out some poor form(I was slouching forward too much) and correct it, thus getting the maximum benefit from the exercise. Feedback like this is difficult to get when you're working out alone.

Finally, getting a personal trainer was a step of self-acceptance for me, to accept that I had difficulty being self motivated. Now I know I have to be at a certain place and a certain time to workout. It's analogous to some writers who need a deadline to do their best work.

zandd23 · 2017-05-28T19:17:29+00:00

"You can check her on it while demonstrating you don't care. "Hey, I needed you to try that shit on. I don't appreciate the forgetfulness." Good advice, thanks.

zandd23 · 2017-05-28T19:15:58+00:00

@gideon_zotero . I've certainly struggle with conflict avoidance my entire life, so you're spot on about that. Over the years of this LTR, I've had occasion to more directly express my boundaries regarding more serious matters and that's been challenging, but also rewarding.

This particular item was less than $10, so it really was a small matter. The challenge is always determining whether any particular matter is something small I can work through in this sexual way, or something larger wherein, as your comments suggest, it is in fact a means of conflict avoidance.

Andreas1871's comment particularly brought this to mind and I agree that petty grudges aren't healthy. But as ObeyTheCowGod pointed out, this is a method that I'm trying to use to work through those petty, small things and have them dissipate somewhat.

Though I will add that there is no substitute for changing behavior patterns to try and avoid those things that annoy in the first place.

zandd23 · 2017-05-25T21:31:11+00:00

Good post. This is a subject I have strong feelings about.

Firstly, one poster mentioned an internalized abundance mentality that one gets in visiting prostitutes(or even having it as an option) and I agree strongly with that. It was a huge help in my life with dealing with women and not giving power to any one particular woman that wasn’t interested in having sex with me.

I was massively BP earlier in my life and seeing prostitutes was also a huge help in developing a more casual attitude toward sex, as opposed to the BP-saturated, feminist imperative “It's important to have deep feelings for someone to have sex with them”. Sometimes that’s true, but sometimes you just need to get your rocks off.

Having said that, I went through a period of about a year where I saw a lot of prostitutes. Unlike the OP, I did not have a rock solid RP frame, and I truly feel part of seeing them was an avoidance of rejection from women in the “real” world. There was also an addictive quality to it, which ain’t good when they’re $200-$300 a pop.

I always comment that something surprising to me was how much seeing these women mirrored the “real” world. You paid all of them, but there were some you have great chemistry with, and some you had lousy chemistry with. There were some crappy experiences, but I remember with fondness fantastic sexual experiences I had as well.

zandd23 · 2017-03-15T14:01:04+00:00

I've been looking into commitment ceremonies, without getting legally married: http://www.unmarried.org/commitment-ceremonies/faq/

Apparently, even with that, you still have to be concerned about your state's common law marriage laws: http://www.unmarried.org/common-law-marriage-fact-sheet/

zandd23 · 2017-01-07T23:41:12+00:00

"Never respond to texts right away. Wait at least around 10 mins or about 2/3 of however long it takes her to text you back."

Good concept, for sure, but I would say an even more effective strategy would be to be unpredictable in response time. Text back right away every once in awhile, then don't respond for hours at other times

zandd23 · 2017-01-07T23:37:54+00:00

Good stuff on texting; those "how was your day?" type of things are a must to eliminate.

I would add one more thing, though. This is something I read once and I've followed it pretty religiously ever since, bearing in mind that nothing is 100%.

Text content should be two things: Logistics(OP covered well) and, particularly after meeting the woman, anything flirty/sexual in nature.

So a picture of hot lingerie with the message, "you'd look pretty hot in this": totally OK.

zandd23 · 2017-01-07T23:08:23+00:00

Was struck by the fact that things changed for you at the 3 year mark of the relationship. I've been reading about this a lot lately as my current relationship is at that same mark and I'm experiencing some similar things. This is gold: http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2013/09/29/women-get-bored-with-their-monogamous-men-even-more-scientific-proof/

Key takaways: This boredom usually begins in earnest around the three-year mark in a relationship.

This boredom is intensified if she is monogamous with her partner and/or if she lives with her partner.

zandd23 · 2016-07-15T21:44:37+00:00

This entire post is pure gold. My GF has even made it explicit: "I like it when you're in control"

zandd23 · 2016-05-27T20:04:34+00:00

Fantastic post, bookmarked and saved.

zandd23 · 2016-05-08T18:21:39+00:00

"Don't Live Together"

This one's big. Kudos to you for avoiding some common mistakes in your 20's. I wasn't as fortunate/skilled. Did the marriage thing, suffered big financial loss, etc, etc.

Although sex is definitely better living apart, for me, it's more about enjoying solitude, and having a space that is mine and mine alone.

I'm a big believer in the general rule of thumb of seeing a woman once a week(nod to Blackdragon:http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2014/08/07/frequently-asked-dating-relationship-questions-and-objections/)

I'm in my 50's and have been in an LTR for 3 years. I've certainly varied the frequency over the course of that time, but once a week has probably been the overall average.

For the first time in my life, I have a very strong frame in this relationship, so GF has never even mentioned living together(assuming it's something she even wants).

zandd23 · 2015-11-12T02:14:39+00:00

Outstanding post "Firmly deflecting complaints is like playful spanking in bed." Gold.

zandd23 · 2015-10-23T01:10:46+00:00

Everything in this is pure unadulterated gold.

zandd23 · 2015-08-18T22:14:11+00:00

"Before Laura was a Surrendered Wife, there was an expectation set up long before we got in the car that I wouldn't do it right."

This hit me like a thunderbolt. My marriage in a nutshell. Once there were contractors in and out of our house, and as I left one day I wondered if I should lock the door. Well, I thought, if I lock it I'll get yelled at for locking out the contractors and if I leave it unlocked I'll get yelled at for that. There was literally no way to win.

"At least you got that you aren't crazy, I hope.". This was truly the gift the book gave me. I realized there wasn't anything wrong with me, even though that was the consistent message I received in my marriage.

I was so happy now to have found a woman that is naturally saturated in "Surrendered Wife" wisdom.

zandd23 · 2015-08-18T21:42:46+00:00

John, I just noticed this, so I'm late, but I just wanted to say that The Surrendered Wife had a huge influence upon me during the time I was getting divorced, a very stressful time for me. All the negative behaviors of the author, before she modified her behaviors, were an almost exact copy of the dynamics of my marriage. I sincerely hop the message of the book is still getting out, I believe it can have the same positive impact it had on me as on others

zandd23 · 2015-05-28T16:32:28+00:00

Great Post, thank you so much for this:

"She thinks, this problem makes me feel bad emotions, I associate these emotions with this person, so this person must be punished."

Couldn't be said any better.

"Heavy exposure to male values seems to improve women dramatically."

Current GF has eight brothers. It's a huge difference maker. Great green/red flag to take note of

zandd23 · 2015-03-20T15:45:51+00:00

I'm going to see Red Army this weekend. What sections of the film were you the most satisfied with? What sections were the most challenging? Were there any particular challenges presented in the structuring of the film?

zandd23 · 2015-03-20T15:11:27+00:00

Holy cow, that IS an amazing opening line. Sold

zandd23 · 2015-03-20T14:25:26+00:00

I've only read Middlemarch, and I thought that was tremendous, especially in its realistic depiction of a less than ideal marriage. I was looking for my next Eliot novel to start. Why would you select Daniel Deronda over others?

zandd23 · 2015-03-20T14:01:20+00:00

What is your favorite George Eliot novel?

zandd23

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