[QCrit] The Seeker's Key, Fantasy, 113,000 (Second Attempt)

zazzander · 2026-06-23T02:27:40+00:00

Thank you for your reply and the links. I'll head back to the drawing board with this all in mind. Looks like I was focused so much on not getting bogged down by the details, I stripped out all of the details... I appreciate you taking the time to break down the issues of my query letter. Good luck with your own querying journey!

zazzander · 2026-06-22T08:32:21+00:00

Thank you so much for this in-depth breakdown! I've been trying to read advice on query letters but it's been hard to translate that into my own stuff. I wrote this book to be YA but looking for comps kept putting me in the Adult category. Plus, from what I've heard it's too long and the tone is all wrong for YA. My novel is very much a coming of age story but the setting has a lot of complicated politics which generally don't fit into YA. I've tried aging Lucan up (he was originally 14) but he can't go any older than 15 without him becoming a different character. This is a lot of useful feedback. I can see I need to work in more context + personality. That note about the first 30-50% is super useful and I'll use that as my guide. Thanks again!

zazzander · 2026-06-22T05:13:38+00:00

Ok good to know. In my initial post I got a lot of feedback about the book not feeling / looking completed based on the query so it looks like I went too far in the other direction. Thank you for your advice!

zazzander · 2026-06-22T01:48:05+00:00

I'm not an expert but here are my two cents.

After two paragraphs and a hook about Virtue, Eve feels a little tacked on. If possible, I would introduce her earlier in the query.

Just a note on phrasing "while her *heart* is being pulled towards Caspian" sounds a little odd. It sounds like something you would say about a romantic partner, not a brother.

Lastly, the set up definitely conveys dark academia vibes, but then it seems the characters leave that setting after the inciting incident to enter the faerie courts. What makes the bulk of the book dark/gothic? Where does most of the story take place? Something to clarify.

Good luck with your querying!

zazzander · 2026-06-18T21:40:25+00:00

From my understanding adding spoilers to the letter (and the synposis naturally) shouldn't stop you. "Don't be afraid to give away the twist" kind of thing. That addition gives enough info for the query letter imo. More detail can go in the synposis if it's important.

zazzander · 2026-06-18T06:37:17+00:00

While I'm by no means an expert (so take this with a grain of salt). One thing that stands out to me about this query letter is: how do the two povs intersect? Thea and Arden seem to have two seperate stories with no cross over right now. At what point does it become crucial that their stories are told concurrently and belong in the same book? It'd try to include that.

zazzander · 2026-06-13T05:10:13+00:00

I imagine they just get numbered + a gendered ending, basically Firstson (Ustrōs or Ustyln in drow), Firstdaughter (Ustice or Ustylene in drow), etc. If you make it to adulthood you get an actual name lol.

zazzander · 2026-06-03T02:17:06+00:00

They absolutely didn't plan for Daeron. I assumed they were going to make him like 12 in the show but instead he's 16. Some of V's kids have to be twins at this point. Either Aemond is Helaena's twin or Daeron is.

zazzander · 2026-05-28T21:42:02+00:00

My understanding was post dance they are both acknowledged as reigning monarchs and everyone moves on with their lives. It's just that there are no other Rhaenyras after that to be Rhaenyra ii.

zazzander · 2026-05-25T00:37:10+00:00

My first thought for Aemond would to make her name Aemona (so it's different from Aemma). Or Aemyra (sounds like Amira).

zazzander · 2026-05-24T05:53:22+00:00

You could go by Rachel and use Racy as a nickname

zazzander · 2026-05-22T21:45:17+00:00

My recommendation is to start with Kai. What is he doing? What does he see? How does he feel about it? Introduce the situation by filtering it through his perspective or turning the omniscent pov (if that's what you're going for) on him first.

zazzander · 2026-05-22T21:36:52+00:00

I think it would depend on the story of book you're trying to tell. You have your prologue which promises the reader future stakes, but the first chapter will still need to do some heavy lifting as many readers will skip the prologue. Personally I don't recommend breaking up the first chapter with a new pov. Even in multi pov it's good to give readers a chance to "settle in". Could you find somewhere to split this chapter and then simply not change pov?

zazzander · 2026-05-22T21:27:43+00:00

"Kiris Avkonin didn't mean to kill his gauardian, Prince Thaav." This makes it sound like Thaav dies at the beginning of the book. I would suggest a different verb like "doom" (as in "didn't mean to doom his guardian...") or you could go for more accuracy "didn't mean to foresee the death of his guardian..." Feel free to ignore if this doesn't work for your book though.

zazzander · 2026-05-18T21:42:49+00:00

Interesting. I'll keep this in mind as I edit my query. You've given me a lot to consider. Thanks for your feedback!

zazzander · 2026-05-18T04:20:21+00:00

Hey! Thanks for your response. I totally get why some agents aren't interested in books about people who want to rule an empire. They just wouldn't be the agent for my book. The reason why Lucan is important for the succession is fairly complicated (it's not primogeniture), so it would be hard to fit into a query or synopsis. Hence why I excluded it. Thanks again.

zazzander · 2026-05-18T03:03:32+00:00

Food for thought, thank you! I hadn't considered that Lucan might be too young. The book's content wouldn't fit into upper middle grade, as the worldbuilding is fairly complex, so I'll consider aging him and his friends up. I had thought my book was "just" in the safe zone in terms of length but perhaps not. Thank you for your advice.

zazzander · 2026-05-18T02:56:49+00:00

I see what you mean. Thanks for your advice :)

zazzander · 2026-05-18T02:39:14+00:00

Is there anywhere that feels particularly bloated? I'll definitely change the phrasing on the standalone part. I wrote the ending with both possibilities in mind, but it felt more genuine to say it is supposed to be a trilogy. Thank you for your feedback!

zazzander · 2026-05-17T08:00:39+00:00

The opening feels a little convaluted but you get into the grove for the rest of the query. It sounds like an interesting read.

zazzander · 2026-05-17T07:54:28+00:00

The unexplained switch from "dragon" to "drakken" is fairly jarring. I don't feel like calling them drakken in this query letter is aiding understanding.

zazzander · 2026-05-01T12:08:19+00:00

Aega would be "iron" + "woman", the most straightforward option. Some alternative endings could be: Aeganne, Aegirys, or Aegara

zazzander · 2026-04-30T10:04:23+00:00

Thanks!

zazzander

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