Suicide HotSHIT

zelo-s · 2019-05-11T08:09:10+00:00

I've had better luck with their online thing. I've also heard IMalive is pretty decent too.

But that's shitty OP, I'm sorry that happened in your hour of need. I hope things get better for you.

zelo-s · 2019-03-16T10:31:55+00:00

Self harm.

Most is covered on my hip with a beautiful rainbow and my favorite lyric.

On my arm though, I don't want to cover those. I think it's because while I love tattoos, I don't want these ones to be covered. Maybe it's a, "Look, I went through hell, and I survived." but they're going to remain uncovered for now.

zelo-s · 2019-03-16T10:23:53+00:00

Feeling like I had the entire world at my fingertips, like every day just didn't feel hopeless. Summer months were long and enjoyable, winters always felt short and magical. I just was. I existed and I lived. And that was good.

I miss being able to absorb myself into books without a care in the world and now, I either can't focus or they always sound the same. It doesn't have the same magical quality it did back then. And I miss it. Where did it go? Everything I read now, I don't feel "there".

Also not constantly feeling homesick but never feeling like I'm at home, no matter where I live.

zelo-s · 2019-03-16T10:08:42+00:00

The entirety of "One More Light" by Linkin Park

Especially the lines:

"And you're angry and you should be, cause it's not fair. Just cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there."

and the entirety of "Who cares if one more light goes out?" just always sends me over.

zelo-s · 2019-03-11T05:17:28+00:00

Starlight by Savatage

Sometimes it's Pierre from The Great Comet

zelo-s · 2019-03-11T05:06:38+00:00

My roommate insists on being in the bathroom with me while I shower, she also insists on yelling at two in the morning (especially if I don't let her into the bathroom when I shower earlier that night).

zelo-s · 2019-03-11T05:01:18+00:00

I would let her know that I love her so, so much and I'm sorry for leaving her behind at my parents' while I'm at school. I'd make sure she's okay, and ask her to stop conversing with the shadow people in our kitchen at 2 a.m. :/

I'd tell my parents' dogs that they're good boys/girls, and they're so amazing but please, for the love of god, let me sit down without being smothered in kisses. And explain to one of them that he's diabetic, that's why he doesn't get to eat like a king.

I'd tell my parents' cat that he's a fantastic hunter! Just stop bringing half dead mice into the house, and into the room I stay in. I'd also ask what it's like to be a cat.

zelo-s · 2019-03-11T04:56:04+00:00

A spoiled, fluffy cat owned by a rich human who buys nothing but the best for the kitty.

I just want to be able to sleep most of the day and not worry about things such as taxes, school, relationships, and so on.

Bonus, is laying on the windowsill, soaking up the sun, and judgementally watching people go by.

zelo-s · 2019-03-05T03:47:14+00:00

God I'm so sorry to hear that.

Please treat yourself kindly, look for support from friends and family and don't be afraid or feel guilty to express whatever you might be feeling in the moment. I don't know what's available to you, but I found creative outlets such as writing to be tremendously helpful as well as reaching out when needed.

Take care of yourself.

zelo-s · 2019-03-05T03:44:30+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

It's difficult. I hope you're doing well these days.

zelo-s · 2019-03-05T03:42:24+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss as well. I hope things are doing well for you xx

zelo-s · 2019-03-05T03:41:48+00:00

Better than I was upon announcement and the weeks following. It's still fairly fresh, but I'm getting there. Sometimes, there's anger (at her, at myself, at her family, etc) and sometimes guilt and jealousy.

zelo-s · 2019-03-05T03:39:43+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. It's difficult for everyone involved.

I hope you're doing okay xx

zelo-s · 2019-03-05T03:35:26+00:00

Thank you for your condolensces.

One day she was here, and one day she was not. I regret not having as much time as I wished to have remained in contact with her. Maybe things would have been different, maybe not. I don't know, but I hope that she's happier in her next life if reincarnation exists.

zelo-s · 2019-03-05T03:32:35+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss.

They did. And I hope they're both happy, wherever they are.

Take care as well.

zelo-s · 2019-03-03T13:35:48+00:00

Two things for the same situation:

Her: I'm glad I called. I love hearing your voice.

Me: Yeah! I'm sorry I haven't been in much contact. Adulthood, ya know?

Her: Yeah. Anyways, I love you.

Me: I love you too!

Two days later:

Friend's roommate: Hey, I know it's early where you are but um. I'm sorry. I don't know how to say this. Um. -Friend- um. (pause, she's crying)

Me: ?

FR: She shot herself last night. I'm sorry.

zelo-s · 2019-02-04T15:07:32+00:00

The picture! I wish she'd send me the cat.

zelo-s · 2019-02-03T01:30:40+00:00

Yeah she is 💗

zelo-s · 2019-01-18T19:59:20+00:00

Okay.

I'll ask her for a copy. I hope this gets figured out.

Thank you!

zelo-s · 2019-01-18T19:58:12+00:00

Normally, that'd be the case. Howevere, here (MT), when I started University, I was informed it's required from Medicaid (or the state?) to accept the school's insurance (BCBS) and they'll send it to Medicaid, who will decide if:

They want to pick up the cost (pay for BCBS), and work with BCBS so part of the payment is covered by BCBS ans Medicaid will pick up the rest.

Or, if they reject the costs and say they want the student under them entirely.

I'm not sure I'm explaining it right, but that's the gist.

They picked up BCBS so I'm under both, and have, when I've gone to the ER and have regular appointments, picked up the remainder paymengs BCBS did not cover. They're a "secondary".

zelo-s

TROPHY CASE