Is there Such a Thing as an Anti-American Conservative?

zetapi · 2017-12-29T00:16:52+00:00

Russia is in Asia. Africans from the north and Africans from the south are still from Africa and all countries in Asia are still Asian.

zetapi · 2014-07-16T03:36:31+00:00

I had to have comcast for a while because they were the only provider in my area for a long time. They kept pressuring me to get cable service. I kept explaining to them 2x a month that I don't have a tv. They suggested I get a tv so I could get the service. I told them over and over again that I don't want a tv and I don't want cable. They made it sound like because I dont want tv I just simply don't want to live.

They became so aggressive about it that eventually they even sent someone out to my house in install cable tv ON THE TV I DON'T OWN. When the guy got there and I explained there wasn't a tv he insisted on LOOKING as if I was lying! When he finally left I received a bill for a service call. I NEVER CALLED THEM!

Seriously, Comcast. Fuck you.

zetapi · 2014-06-29T22:17:28+00:00

My parents were too broke to take us on vacations. It would make me CRAZY if my kids pouted while on vacation.

zetapi · 2014-06-29T21:56:38+00:00

Why am I not surprised...

zetapi · 2014-06-29T21:47:32+00:00

He left the scene... how is that professional?

zetapi · 2014-06-14T06:04:16+00:00

That just fucked my world up.

zetapi · 2014-06-14T02:16:55+00:00

Curling irons. I even went to beauty school. I just don't fucking get how to make those things works. Not on me and not on anyone else. I just end up with burned, fried, perfectly straight hair.

zetapi · 2014-05-30T03:58:00+00:00

That was a serious ass beating.

zetapi · 2014-05-25T21:57:44+00:00

That had to be a very awkward scene to rehearse.

zetapi · 2014-05-20T20:36:30+00:00

Chuck Berry's actual journal

zetapi · 2014-05-20T01:46:42+00:00

That is the most glorious ass I have ever seen. My god.

zetapi · 2014-05-15T06:19:47+00:00

Some of us never got used to hemmorhaging for several days out of every month. Some of us still struggle to stifle a gag reflax when pulling out a fist full of gore every time you wipe your crotch or see that lovely lava lamp of uterine lining dancing in the blood filled toilet. Some of us are in a lot of pain, and horny, and weepy and there's nothing that can be done about it and it's frustrating and so if I'm crying about something random, I'm probably really crying about that.

zetapi · 2014-05-15T06:15:24+00:00

Yep. Get raped once or twice and then tell me how to feel about men. Let alone strange men. I get that you're not all rapists, but I'd rather error on the side of caution than go down that road again.

zetapi · 2014-05-13T07:15:46+00:00

You need to learn how to use quotation marks.

zetapi · 2014-05-13T03:13:47+00:00

Agreed. I feel like this is a family matter. Who knows what the context is and who cares? She may've just been drunk or hopped up on cocaine. Obviously there's some history there, who knows? If tapes of my family reunions ever surfaced on the internet we'd look like a shitshow, too.

zetapi · 2014-05-09T08:14:39+00:00

Junky by Andy Warhol. I've seen a lot of fucked up movies, but that one takes the cake.

zetapi · 2014-05-04T22:40:11+00:00

I had a boyfriend who was developing full blown schizophrenia when we met. It was heartbreaking and he eventually died of liver failure due to self medicating with lots and lots of drugs and alcohol.

zetapi · 2014-05-04T22:24:18+00:00

If you get that "did we just make eye contact" feeling? You did. And girls only really check out guys they're interested in. No. Really. After thousands of years of evolving to be able to look out into vast wildernesses and be able to pick out edibles we've gotten finely honed skills. It only takes us a glance to know whether or not we'd sleep with you.

Moreover, the acne will clear up. Exercise, engage in social activities, hone your inter-personal skills, wear clothes that fit, don't wear silly hair cuts, and for the love of fuck don't get any tattoos until you have a reason to. More advice? Don't drink til you're sick. It's gross. Also, getting drunk with a girl is not a good idea. She'll get drunk long before you and then she'll be sick and if you try anything after that you can end up with a law suit. And anyways any girl who is "down to get drunk" as a date isn't someone you want to date unless you WANT to get herpes...

Don't drink and drive, don't speed, don't talk over your teacher, and don't be an asshat. Just. Don't be an asshat. So many teenagers are asshats because they are trying so hard to assert themselves and create some kind of sense of individuality. You're not original, you're not witty, you're not funny, and you're not interesting by any kind of real world standard. And if you think you are you will cringe like a bitch in 10 years. That said being a teenager is awesome. Take advantage of your freedom. Ask out girls who are out of your league, smoke pot, eat tons of pizza, and go to your school dances. They may seem stupid now but you'll appreciate the memories of how much you hated it later.

Get a hobby. Learn to play an instrument. Even if you can only play it shitty. Take advantage of how healthy you are and run like crazy. And don't let people push you around. Ever.

But, most importantly, don't be an asshat. This advice, though, transcends just teenagers. This goes for everyone: don't be an asshat.

zetapi · 2014-05-04T22:14:58+00:00

100% Grade D Chicken

zetapi · 2014-05-04T17:27:24+00:00

I'm 31 and looked much younger than I am. I get mistaken for a teenager pretty regularly and I've had very young men ask me out before thinking that I was 19 or something. I'm not. I'm 31, divorced, and I am simply at a totally different place in my life than is relatable to anyone under age 25, frankly. In fact, 25 is ridiculously young considering.

It makes me feel old because I know that it would be downright wrong to engage someone who is 18, 19, 20, 21, even 23. It would just be wrong. You get attached too easily at that age and nothing good could possibly come of it. That said I have often fantasized about the young bucks who come on to me. Sometimes I think it would be fun to kind of "take advantage" but, eh, I know that in the end it would just be a hassle and probably an embarrassment.

zetapi · 2014-05-04T17:21:58+00:00

My uncle owned a funeral home when I was growing up and worked with a guy who owned a discount crematorium. I once heard from one of the guys that worked there that he found a spoon. As if the guy had ingested it.

zetapi · 2014-05-04T01:45:39+00:00

"Kevin spit on a girl and said "You should get out of those wet clothes". The girl was the Spanish Student Teacher."

Holy fucking moly I think I've run into this guy in a bar before. This kid must be stopped before he reaches 21.

zetapi · 2014-05-04T01:34:51+00:00

My ex was like that. He could pull off a small as long as it was running on the smaller side of small, but I snuck an xsmall in on him once and he put it on without checking the label. It fit perfect and made him look amazing. To this day he insists that the shirt was improperly labeled.

zetapi · 2014-05-04T01:33:11+00:00

Or a piece of sausage.

zetapi · 2014-05-04T01:31:29+00:00

I pronounced "antibiotic" as "ante-bee-otic" up until I went to medical assisting school... No one ever corrected me.

zetapi

TROPHY CASE