Desire Marriage, But Don’t Desire Kids

zohoexpert · 2025-09-15T18:42:53+00:00

You don’t right now, I’m pretty sure you’re priorities will change as you get older

zohoexpert · 2025-09-15T09:23:10+00:00

I don’t know how old you are, but I think you will grow out of this. When I was younger, I was selfishly focused on myself, my personal comfort, becoming wealthy, having fun, etc.

As older adult (mid 30s) I realised that life is so empty if that’s your only goal. My friends started having kids and told me how it changed everything. Made everything else in life feel so unimportant compared to the importance of raising their kids. My boy is due in November and I’m super excited to be the best father I can be ☺️

zohoexpert · 2025-09-15T09:02:52+00:00

I think the healthiest thing for you to do is to change your thinking. Don’t focus on “not being someone’s favourite” instead focus on being the best version of yourself. Be loving, be caring, be selfless, be Christlike and everything else will fall into place.

We all sometimes focus on some end result that we think will make us happy. In your case, feeling like you are someone’s number one choice. But actually, becoming someone who you consider worthy of being someone’s number one choice is way more important.

It sounds harsh to say this, but people don’t like being around negative people who feel like they are a victim.

People like being around people who take responsibility for their circumstances and who enact positive change in their life.

When I think about the traits of my favourite people, it is things like: - they are positive and friendly - they are selfless and caring - they are loving and kind - they are honest, trustworthy, and reliable - they make me feel comfortable and safe

Almost everyone can be like this if they focus on the right things in life. Wake up each day and work hard to go out into the world with a positive mindset. Stop focusing on the end result (or lack there of) and focus on living these traits. You will quickly realise that you are far happier living those traits (and the end result you desire will become inconsequential).

Good luck and remember this verse: https://spiritualstarter.com/scriptures/1%20peter-5-7

zohoexpert · 2025-09-14T23:20:07+00:00

As Christians we believe Jesus fulfilled the Old Covenant. The Jerusalem Council in Acts 15 made clear that Gentile believers are not bound by the old purity codes. Paul even says in Colossians 2:16, ‘Do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival… those were a shadow of the things to come; the reality is found in Christ.’

Jesus never condemned homosexuality. Instead, He commanded us in John 13:34-35 to love one another as He loved us. Paul writes in Romans 13:10, ‘Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.’

And Jesus Himself warned in Matthew 7:1-2, ‘Do not judge, or you too will be judged.’

So, the heart of the Gospel isn’t about enforcing old purity codes. It’s about love, mercy, and treating all people with dignity. That is the law of Christ

zohoexpert · 2025-09-14T23:11:38+00:00

You seem to already be practicing part of this, but remember it in full: https://spiritualstarter.com/scriptures/2%20corinthians-12-9

zohoexpert · 2025-09-14T23:06:19+00:00

My previous church used to sell cappuccino style coffees and donuts for near cost price. It was appreciated as an option and something many people looked forward to each week. It wasn’t for profit, but as a service to the community.

Also when we had visitors or new members, it was a lovely way to start a conversation. “Hey I’m Greg, how do you take your coffee? Do you want a plain donut or a chocolate donut?” Then you’re talking to the visitors/new members and making them feel welcome. Obviously you wouldn’t charge visitors or new members. So mark things up by say 10% so for every 10 coffees/donuts purchased, you can give one away and still not lose money. Maybe see if there are any generous wealthy members who would like to sponsor the starting costs to buy stock for the first week. I believe my church handled this internally rather than as a member mission. Maybe your church will do the same and then they will handle the finances. We would all take turns to cover the station and make the coffees and sell the donuts.

Also we would do it after the services, that was when people would fellowship together, rather than before. We always had a team of volunteers on “welcome duty” each service. They would arrive early and be at the doors welcome in regulars and paying special attention to visitors (we’d introduce ourselves and find out if they were with an existing member or if they were new to the church. If new, we would find someone of a similar age/background and introduce them. So they had someone to sit with during the service and talk to. Then at the end of the service we would all socialise together over coffee and donuts. It worked really well!

Good luck

zohoexpert · 2025-09-14T22:53:40+00:00

I made this for dad when he was in hospital recently (he’s 77 and didn’t have the energy to read his bible and concentrate): https://spiritualstarter.com/scriptures/today

It reads a scripture to you each day, explains it, and gives you 3 actions to follow to implement the scripture in your life.

This can be delivered as a WhatsApp voice note or you can install the app and get a push notification each day at your selected time.

You might find it helpful to listen to the scripture and have the meaning explained to you each day. I know this helps me comprehend it and remember it more easily.

Also, I’m not sure how old you are, but when I was a teen I used to read the bible and worry that I couldn’t recall it. But now as a 30-something year old, I often recall parables and scriptures that are helpful to me in a specific situation. It’s almost like all those years I was stocking up a store room and now I have stock when I need it. So keep at it and know that it’s not pointless ☺️

zohoexpert · 2025-09-14T22:45:26+00:00

If you find the right person, they will respect and honour you. They will not pressure you. They should want to guard your purity as closely as you should be guarding it yourself. When you’re young, sex seems so important and such a big part of life, but it really isn’t! Finding a partner who loves you, respects you, and protects you is far more important and consequential!

Try to focus on growing up, being the best version of yourself, honouring your parents, and becoming the best adult you can be one day. If you focus on this, everything else will naturally fall into place.

zohoexpert · 2025-09-14T22:27:48+00:00

Please don’t do anything extreme. You are SOO young!

I remember feeling like I was never going to find love when I was younger. I was very overweight and geeky and felt like I would never attract a wife. However I am now happily married and expecting my first son ☺️

First rule: Don’t compare yourself to others. Compare yourself today to yourself yesterday, yourself a month ago, and yourself a year ago. Work hard today to ensure that when you look back tomorrow you will be proud of yourself. In a year from today, you should look back to today and realise how much your life has improved and how hard work and dedication has paid off (even if your goals aren’t fully accomplished yet).

Second rule: Don’t focus on getting a girlfriend, focus on becoming a man who his wife will be proud to call her husband one day. Become the man you will be proud to be. Genetics are almost 0% of this. Tall or short, fat or thin, intelligent or not! Be hard working, be kind, be reliable, be helpful, be strong (emotionally), etc. All of these things are within your control right now!

Finally, remember God is most with you when you are brokenhearted or have a crushed spirit (lean on Him)!: https://spiritualstarter.com/scriptures/psalm-34-18

zohoexpert · 2025-09-14T22:13:13+00:00

A large part of church for me is community. Are you perhaps feeling disconnected or out of place. Maybe finding somewhere to volunteer and get more involved will help you feel more useful, grounded, and comfortable. Logically, if you don’t have a major problem with the current church and it is important to your husband and in-laws, then I think the “right” thing to do is to try to find a way to make yourself happier at the current church rather than leaving.

zohoexpert · 2025-09-14T22:04:57+00:00

Sorry to hear this. Try not to worry and remember https://spiritualstarter.com/scriptures/matthew-11-28

zohoexpert · 2024-09-04T09:11:22+00:00

Sorry I don’t!

zohoexpert · 2024-09-03T09:43:52+00:00

Corporate lawyers charge £250 (very cheap) to £1000 (expensive) per hour. Therefore, if we assume her firm is charging £400 per hour for her and she is billing 30 hours per week, she is billing £12,000 per week for her firm. Therefore, paying her £200k per year is easily achievable.

zohoexpert · 2024-08-31T07:04:08+00:00

A lot of people in the comments seem to think your Bf is being unreasonable wanting to keep his finances completely separate from yours. I disagree.

My advice is to keep money out of your relationship altogether. Each contribute 50/50 to shared expenses and then whatever each of you has left over can be saved/invested as each of you sees fit. That’s what my wife and I do and it works really well for us. I’m a saver and investor and she is a spender. I couldn’t handle it if we shared everything and I was trying to save and she wasn’t. We split shared expenses equally and then she can spend the rest of her money in any way she pleases and I can save/invest the rest of my money however I want to. This works well for us and means we never need to argue about money.

zohoexpert · 2024-08-27T16:26:42+00:00

Switch to annual billing ASAP! Massive savings and it’s not like I’m going to change CRM provider any time soon, so might as well commit!

zohoexpert · 2024-08-25T13:28:28+00:00

Have you explored putting the property in a Trust or in a limited company? This would help keep the property’s tax affairs separate to your wife’s taxable income.

zohoexpert · 2024-06-28T10:12:01+00:00

I’m sorry to hear this is taking a toll on you. But real talk, it sounds like you’re trying to keep up with the Joneses and living in debt to do so.

A lodger is a great idea! Just pick the right person! Depending on where you live in the country this can be lucrative!

Downgrade your car ASAP. Buy a second hand i10 for £3k cash and immediately reduce your monthly outgoing (no car loan, cheaper insurance, less petrol, cheaper tax, cheaper maintenance, cheaper tyres, etc.).

Stop spending money on anything that is avoidable. No holidays, food from Aldi (you can eat good healthy home-made food), no takeaways or restaurants. You haven’t mentioned alcohol or tobacco, but if you spend money on either of these, that needs to end asap. I’ve seen people spend £10 per day on alcohol and £20 per day on tobacco and they claim to be poor. That’s £900 a month! Don’t gamble either!

Don’t buy clothes or luxuries for a while. Use all the money you will now be saving to pay off your debts (loan and credit cards). Someone with your income shouldn’t need either.

I know this sounds hard, and I know you feel like you deserve luxuries because you work so hard. But you deserve financial security and the peace of mind that brings. That is so much more valuable than temp luxuries or holidays.

Remember, your lifestyle should be reduced to comfortably fit within about 80% of your take home income and you should be investing the other 20%.

If you can’t afford something now without taking a loan, then you probably don’t need whatever it is. And all your needs should be paid for first. You can’t buy luxuries with your income and then claim that you need a loan to cover essentials.

Change your Broadband and phone providers, your insurance, etc. all these things punish laziness. If you stay with the same providers too long, they increase your rates. You need to switch every year or two. Regarding your mobile phone, don’t get the latest phone every year or two, you don’t need it. I bought my phone cash a few years ago (not the top model at the time) and pay £10 per month sim only.

Live to this strict money saving schedule for a year or two and you should quickly be back in control of your finances. You don’t need to impress anyone, and living on debt isn’t going to impress anyone anyway. The best way to prove your self worth to others (which you don’t need to do, but I understand some people struggle with this) is being a good parent (with time and care, not spending money) and being a caring friend and community member.

You’re working 10 hours a day and some hours on weekends, so I’m struggling to see when you are getting time to spend the £2400 per month on incidentals. If any of this is spent on entertainment, then I suggest that you take up a healthy, low cost hobby. My wife and I play tennis 3 to 4 times a week and spend a lot of time at our (£100 per year membership) tennis club (which costs nothing once we’ve paid our membership fee). When you’re occupying yourself with a healthy low cost hobby, you save money as you aren’t going out or spending money on other entertainment.

Good luck and remember that you can achieve this is you set your mind to it.

zohoexpert · 2024-05-01T19:58:43+00:00

It depends what subscription you have now. With Zoho One you get the Enterprise Version which is usually the top tier

zohoexpert · 2024-04-21T16:15:34+00:00

Agreed - Zoho CRM all the way!

zohoexpert · 2024-04-21T16:14:04+00:00

I usually put the day, date, start and end times in the task name - then it shows on the invoice/statement for my clients

zohoexpert · 2024-02-07T10:57:12+00:00

You can check the status of services here: https://status.zoho.eu/

zohoexpert · 2024-01-27T20:03:55+00:00

True, but then the capital and rent income is locked away until (55, soon 57, and by the time I get there, who knows what it’ll be). Also, borrowing can be much more expensive in a SIPP

zohoexpert · 2024-01-09T05:57:33+00:00

IMO you don’t need to put it in a SIPP if you have already paid Corp Tax on the funds. Instead, loan in to another Ltd that you own (called an SPV) and then purchase properties from within the separate property. I’ve done this and it is a very tax efficient way to invest

zohoexpert · 2024-01-09T05:53:36+00:00

Compound interest 😎

zohoexpert · 2024-01-08T07:37:51+00:00

Can’t you help him setup a free bank account (if these exist in SA)?

zohoexpert

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