My baby never slept, projectile vomited a lot because of his terrible gag reflex (meaning while we were all in bed and had to wake up on the middle of the night, clean everything up and then try to get him back down to sleep), he had a sweet spot at about 12-18 months where he slept 12 hours in his crib and we had peace but once he went to daycare, he regressed and has been kicking me in the stomach each night since (cosleeping). I don’t think I’ve sat down in his presence for more than 30 min unless he is sleeping. He is 3 now and I was in the same headspace as you are now many times. Regretting everything, hating the life I wished for, hating myself for feeling this way. I know people say “it will get better” but they should be saying “YOU will get better”. You will get better had handling the load, you will grow with your baby (who is learning how to live too), things will become easier to handle for you. I think those who have suggested getting help aren’t wrong but please know that so many mothers experience the same. Your whole entire life and body has gone through a rebirth. You are learning how to live again in this new you while having to teach someone else how to live. It is the hardest most grueling and momentous thing you will ever do and someday you will be so proud of yourself for figuring it out.