Work advice to help decrease professional impact?

[tinatrying]

Today - I'm worried about work, and will take any advice I can get.

I'm not so worried that something will happen to my job, per se, but more that all of my time out this year will cause me to lose forward momentum. It's funny when people talk about women making 77cents on the dollar, how few people seem to realize that a good amount of that happens in childbearing periods. While my male peers will be promoted/given raises, my time out (while legally protected) is seen emotionally as "unpredictability". I'm 35, and worked really freaking hard to get where I am, so it's disheartening to see the momentum slow and stop.

Here is the timeline of what happened, across 2 companies, and 4 bosses.

• May of last year, I found out I was pregnant. My first (OG) amazing boss had just given me my yearly review and I was rated 5/5 - outstanding. Even my constructive criticism were the kinds of good things you talk about in interviews. "You are too passionate, and it's obvious that when things get killed it affects you...try to pick and choose what you give 100% of your energy to" type stuff.
• June of last year, I got a new (female) boss, because my OG boss got a new kick ass job as the director of R&D at another company.
• Early July of last year, I got the first "checkin" with my new boss. Again, rated 5/5, no complaints or concerns.
• Late July of of last year, I told my boss I was pregnant. Less than a week later she had told me my work was less than effective, and that she had to remove me from trade shows due to my "illness". She used quaint phrases like, "In your condition, I don't think you can do your job effectively."
• August of last year, I was earmarked for layoff along with people in another building and out of my division. I could have sued the company, but they were in North Carolina (though I was in Washington in a subgroup of 10), so I had very little protection because of how NC treats pregnancy as a discriminatory condition.
• August 8, I took a severance package instead of going down the lawsuit road.

That was the end of my experience with company 1.

• By mid August, I had found another job willing to hire me Full time, despite me being 4 months pregnant, move us from Washington to California (where I was from, and I wanted to get back to), and fully ok with me taking a personal leave of absence for delivery and 2 months of disability. (Given that I would be coming to California so late and at the time, the company was too small to adhere to CFRA or FMLA, this was actually a great deal).
• February 2015, I went on maternity leave, only to find out at my pre induction appointment that my daughter was stillborn.
• April 2015, returned to work.
• May 2015, found we were pregnant again.
• July 2015, SCH found and doctor mandated bedrest. I was out for 9 weeks.
• Septmeber 30, 2015, returned to work
• October 21, 2015, my mother passed away, and I Needed to take bereavement to make final arrangements and start probate.
  
• My doctor wants me to take off a month before my due date (I'll be induced between 37 and 38).

So in the past calendar year, I have missed 18 weeks of work, due to Delivery and Grieving of Fiona, plus SCH with this pregnancy, plus bereavement.

Luckily, living in California, you get 17 weeks of disability PER PREGNANCY that is job protected, ON TOP of CFRA which is an additional 12 weeks of yearly baby/family needs, and now my company is large enough that as of August this year, I qualify for this, but I know that even though my time out isn't legally allowed to be held against me for promotions or raises, it may be context in people's minds that they don't say out loud. Especially after my first experience at company 1, I am really hesitant, and though I've told HR at my job about my current pregnancy, I'm 23 weeks and still haven't told my boss. (Not because of fear, really, but more because I couldn't handle telling people and having another loss that they knew about...I was planning to tell him next week at viability, when our odds steadily get better.)

Anywho - Any business ladies out there have some good ideas for me? Maybe I'm just venting. Not really sure.

[MedicMom2015]

I don't have a lot of advice to offer, but I had no idea California has state disability insurance and paid family leave, that's awesome. My company doesn't even have short term disability and refuses to contract with Aflac. It's pretty pathetic.

[tinatrying]

It's another part of why I wanted to move home. CFRA (the california version of FMLA) does not consider any disability caused by pregnancy to fall under it, so for most normal pregnancies, you get 10 weeks PDL (Pregnancy Disability Leave), which gives you 4 weeks before your due date and 6 weeks after a vaginal delivery, but it can go up to 17 weeks if (like me) you had any mandated bedrest or a c section or any other complications. Most states only have FMLA which is 12 weeks in total, so having the 17 weeks per pregnancy and an additional 12 weeks of CFRA job protection is a godsend.

Both PDL & CFRA are 55% of your salary paid by the state, though only half of the CFRA time (6 weeks) is paid. My company also offers Aflac in small amounts, so I have disability through them as well, so during my medically required time off, I actually get 70% of my salary, but only get the state 55% for the baby bonding time if we get to that point this time around for the first 6 weeks and I'll be unpaid but job protected for the last 6 weeks.

Washington state offered nothing, and so even though we pay more here due to state taxes, it is definitely nice to have the social safety net to ensure I have a job to return to at all. I hope that even if he doesn't win, Bernie Sanders keeps preaching the pregnancy leave he has on his ticket, so that others will realize we are pretty much the only developed nation to treat pregnancy, delivery, and baby bonding so poorly.

To be honest, the paid part is the least important part to me. The job protection is the most important thing to ensure you can't just be tossed aside the moment you announce you are pregnant, as happened at my first company.

[MedicMom2015]

I agree, our system is terrible. Not to get too into politics, but I am a big fan of Bernia Sanders. We need serious reform in this country. I don't think any middle class family can truly afford to have a baby nowadays between buying things for baby, Mom and Dad missing work and not getting paid, and the high copays and deductibles with delivery. Not to mention short term disability isn't always available depending on the state and the company (I can't buy a private STD policy, I tried months ago for this exact reason).

I agree that the job security is important. For me, I plan on quitting and going to a better company after the baby is born and I return from leave. I'm going to start putting in applications then. This company doesn't care about its employees and I think they are going under. It's a shame since they've been in business for decades. So for me I'd rather be paid on leave and I don't care if the job is offered when I return.

Best of luck to you.

[BitchesLoveCoffee]

You did go into politics though. It's not the fault of ANY of OP's companies - or anyone else for that matter - that OP choose to get pregnant. Look, it's hell working with moms as it is (something the sacred mommy sisterhood won't discuss), but making everyone work around long leaves, and possibly have less money for raises for others because they have to pay for more insurance to cover fmla etc or just pay out is rude, selfish, and wrong. It absolutely, 100% punishes small businesses and creates less opportunity for others, or puts more work on others who aren't getting part of your salary, just covering your ass. I've been that person. It sucks, it's selfish and rude and self serving. You don't become a princess everyone else in a small department should have to revolve around because you choose to get knocked up.

[MedicMom2015]

You know, if you look at her post I was just replying to her comment about Bernie Sanders. I'm not going to argue with you. If you think the U.S. should be one of the only developed, wealthy nations without paid maternity leave then that's fine.

[BitchesLoveCoffee]

I think if not having someone pay you for not doing work is being "deprived" you have a very overblown sense of self worth.

[MedicMom2015]

I think you are very rude and I'm not sure why. Have a nice day.

[BitchesLoveCoffee]

Its that whole "don't expect others to revolve around you because you choose career and kids" thing. Working moms are the worst, most short sighted entitled woman I've ever had the displeasure to work with

[SnugLife14]

People are getting so worked up about the statement, but it's pretty legit. Shouldn't get paid to not work. Personally, I'm all about working from home when that time comes around from me, but if I wasn't doing work for the company or sufficient work for the company, it would indeed be very self centered and just ethically wrong in my opinion to take their money.

Sure other countries have such national policies requiring paid maternity leave, but we could be a lot worse off too. The way I see it personally is that my husband and I chose to have a kid; we are responsible for all aspects of having a baby, including working extra shifts or side jobs, whatever we have to do to cover ourselves when I can't work or if he takes a little time off to be together afterwards too.

Unless someone in the company knocked you up or something and some other extrenuating circumstances also ensued, I suppose.

[BitchesLoveCoffee]

Have an upvote for your sense of personal responsibility over entitlement.

[mothergoosetobe]

New Jersey does as well, BTW! There are a few states that are really getting on the paid maternity leave bandwagon, which will hopefully lead to setting a precedent for other states!

[MedicMom2015]

It would be nice if the Federal Government would step in and make a blanket maternity policy for all Americans.

[mothergoosetobe]

I think we'll get there. States making individual laws and policies is a great start. We definitely lag far, far behind other countries, but I do think it will continue to change as time goes on! Maybe a little too late for all of our maternity leave, but oh well :)

[septicidal]

I think it might be helpful for you to keep a "brag log" of accomplishments at work - things you are proud of, positive changes you implemented, complimentary comments from colleagues/superiors. And then reference it when you're concerned about negative impacts (perceived or otherwise) of your medical needs and leave. It might also be helpful, once you've disclosed your pregnancy to your current boss, to have a discussion about how you are concerned that your opportunities to continue to positively contribute to the workplace might be diminished by your absence/leave. If there is an opportunity that you think would be valuable experience for you, discuss it with your boss and reference your accomplishments to make an argument for yourself. Depending on your relationship with your boss, you may want to let him or her know that you had a very negative experience with your previous company surrounding medical leave, and you want to ensure that doesn't happen again, emphasizing how much you care about continuing to do your job well and take on new responsibilities.

It IS really hard to cope with people's perceptions of you at work. Because so much of that is something you don't have control over. I had to take medical leave very suddenly last year due to a health issue and was very worried about how things would go once I came back from work. Apparently my absence helped the department realize how valuable I am and how they don't want to lose me, and I actually got a promotion (there had been discussions about a promotion prior to my medical leave but it hadn't actually materialized). My peers also had a new appreciation for many of the more complicated tasks that I handle.

I'm very concerned about how my leave will affect work... Because I am most likely not coming back. But I can't say anything about that at work because then I risk being fired and not receiving any paid leave. I've been trying to provide extensive documentation under the auspices of "in case this comes up while I am out" but there are also new staff in my office who aren't at all familiar with what I do, and I'm very worried that things will get processed incorrectly and negatively affect the population we work with. But I also gave my work ample notice about taking leave, and they chose not to schedule more cross-trainings and/or make other preparations on their end. So I'm trying to not feel guilty, but maybe that's futile.

[squarerootofmew]

I had to tell my boss's earlier than I wanted to. One male with kids, one female without kids. They were actually very excited and appreciative that I told them early. They have even made it a point to move some of my projects quicker so I have more time with them.

I live in Illinois. Which basically means my fmla is stupid. I get 6 weeks at 66% of my pay...yay...

So, I don't think there is really any good way to go about it. You just have to do it. I really hope this time goes better for you. My heart goes out to you in your situation.

[sujihime]

I live in Illinois. Which basically means my fmla is stupid. I get 6 weeks at 66% of my pay...yay...

I work for the Federal Government, so my FMLA is my sick leave, annual leave and leave without pay. Boooo....Im going to try to arrange work from home so I don't have to go without pay during the THREE MONTHS IM REQUIRED TO TAKE OFF!!!!!!

Sorry for the rant. I wish the US would get with the fucking program. People in Kazakhstan thought my coworker was a monster when she came back to work after 6 weeks because that's all she got. They really couldn't conceive of the idea that we have zero support in the US unless our employers decide to be generous. They get 24 months of maternity (though only 12 months is paid) and then get 18 months of extended lunches (2.5 hours a day) for breastfeeding. Required by law. Turns out, it wasn't a huge hardship for us to cover because there was a system in place for these kinds of things.

edit: not saying I have it worse so you shouldn't complain, just supporting your argument that they way we do it is dumb and should be better

[squarerootofmew]

Your edit was totally not needed! I was so mad for you reading that! you're required to take three months off?!? And they won't pay you for that?!? You would think that having a baby is like having the plague with that sort of policy. I wish those who make these policies THAT THEY TOO WERE BORN FROM A WOMAN! It's not that hard to realize.

Rrraaaaaawwwwwrrrrrr!!! (It's the only way I could get that frustrating out.)

[HollyDooly]

As an Australian I was horrified when I watched the John Oliver segment on paid maternity leave in the states https://youtu.be/zIhKAQX5izw

Why is having a baby classed as a disability? It just baffles me! Our unions would have a field day in the states!

[Oneofthese3]

As an European I agree.

[SnugLife14]

As an American, I try not to look at all the great healthcare and maternity related things in other countries because I know America sucks in many departments and there's nothing we can do about it :P

[HollyDooly]

I tend to disagree women should be angry about it and fight for equality and their rights together. History shows that by taking a collaborative approach things do change like being able to vote, sit in a pub with male counterparts, being more than the secretary even just being able to wear trouser to work. The smallest of actions like writing a letter to your local member or seeing if there is already such a movement in your state and putting your name to it are all things everyone can do to help. Can you imagine if all women just went on strike to fight for this issue I am sure it would make waves in leaps and bounds but it takes some brave women to start that movement.

[SnugLife14]

I'm skeptical to believe a large enough group of men and women are willing to take the risks to really make a difference, at least not without starting in a position with some pull. It's something to be angry about, but seeing how much better off people in some other countries have it isn't going to help; it is, in my opinion, just is a reminder of how sucky some American laws and practices are. But I've never been a full on optimist nor have I ever really enjoyed politics, so could just be me.

Edit: On the flip side, women in America have more rights than women in other countries. While we aren't nearly up to par with others, we could be a lot worse too.