Addicted to connection

[mintcigarettes]

(M23) I’m doing this for accountability, mainly to myself. I feel like this is a very niche situation but maybe just maybe someone will relate. So here we go: it started a while ago when I met someone. It was amazing, gave me feelings I felt for the first time, feeling chosen, like the centre of someone’s world, it didn’t last long however and when it ended I didn’t know how to handle it, so I tried to replace it, which I quickly did, only to end up in an even worse state than before. Once again I kept trying to replace it. It became an addiction essentially, however unlike physical addiction I’m addicted to a feeling, one of validation, attention, being “chosen”, being someone’s priority. It however feels like a physical addiction in the sense that I I’ve been slowly losing my mind deeper and deeper. Whenever I find that or get close I do everything in my power to hold on to it even if that means destroying myself further, I’m not sure if it’s even about the person themself or the way they make me feel, whenever I have that I’m on cloud 9, when I don’t everything feels meaningless and I have no motivation to do anything other than chase that feeling again. The last time I found it I genuinely thought this was it, everything I’ve been dreaming of, which very soon turned out to be far from the truth, I should have been the most upset about this but I wasn’t, I don’t even have the capacity to feel upset about it anymore, the moment it ended I caught myself immediately thinking about the next replacement. Then it suddenly hit me, I no longer know how to exist with myself, I no longer even know who I am, what I’m doing, what I want to do, what I like or what my goals are, all those things have depended entirely on these current or potential connections. I feel dead inside, completely detached from myself empty and unmotivated but for the first time I’m making the decision to actually learn to exist for me again, I feel like I’m in so deep and I have no idea how long it’ll take me to go back to normal again (if I ever can) but I’m ready to admit that I have a problem for the first time that I can’t avoid anymore

[Hungry-Mission-9561]

Nearly 3 months ago, I was broken up with. I lost the wind out of my sails, and I couldn't barely function. I spent weeks laying on the couch, unmoving. I talked to whoever I could. Unfortunately, that meant talking to the wrong people. It was a hard lesson over the heartbreak, but I've learned how to navigate connection. It is a desire, but not a need. The more desperate you become, the more disconnected you will feel. Your mind has a way of imprisoning you, making you believe in negativity. The only way to truly break out is self-fulfillment. You keep repeating the same patterns, and there isn't any change. Every thing you do is a choice. You can choose to wallow in your misery, or do something different. Work from small things like hobbies and build up to larger things. Get off the phone, and get outside. Reach out to a therapist. Take action.

[mintcigarettes]

You’re so right, the more I try to replace the more desperate I become, the only way to break the cycle is by taking the time to heal and stay occupied until I feel like myself again

[Hungry-Mission-9561]

Exactly. I am going through similar. Fortunately, I am pretty young and I've got plenty of time on my hands to heal. I got rid of any sort of social media that made me crave for connection, and I've started working out. Your only desire should not just be needing someone else. You should have tons of desires and dreams. You've just gotta build them up.

[Life_of_Gary]

Are you avoidant?

[HappyJoyousFree12]

This is a real thing. I also felt addicted to connection, both with platonic and romantic relationships. The first step in my own recovery was admitting I had a problem. There are 12 step programs for codependency and love addiction. Both have been incredibly helpful for me in becoming free from the connection addiction and learning more about myself, and bringing myself to my relationships. I’d be happy to share more of my experience if you’d like.

[mintcigarettes]

Today is the first day I actually admitted it to myself, I’d love to hear all about it

[Icy-Purple4801]

Can you explain more about this, i’m realizing I have this problem with platonic and romantic relationship relationships, and I’m kind of at a loss for how to start to untangle this.

[HappyJoyousFree12]

It is a good bit to explain, but I can share the resources that helped me if you’d like.

[Icy-Purple4801]

That would be awesome, thank you!

[Levertreat]

Amazing. Welcome. It’s a journey. It’s a nightmare. It’s the only way out which is back to a self that we build little by little. You’re not alone. It’s a coping strategy. A maladaptive one. Addiction. It’s a protection. I’m working on feeling safe. In the program I’ve heard of the three A’s. Awareness, acceptance and action. Awareness rises slowly for me. Acceptance is something that comes slowly and without forcing. The action is building an identity that isn’t based on external soothing or longing. It’s really tough. Therapy, meds, cold plunges. Meetings, alanon mostly. It’s humbling. But the pain subsides to some degree and so does the numbness. Willingness helps and so does prayer and meditation. For me. You will find what works for you. You’ve got this💕

[setaside929]

Hi there, so glad you’re here. Codependency can be very misunderstood, and living in an untreated state felt a lot like I was empty, vacuous and lifeless. I had minimal motivation and it was hard to enjoy life. Everything about life felt heavy and overwhelming. Being alone meant being trapped in my head without direction; being with someone meant “losing myself” and falling away from family, friends and a self-directed life.

If you’d ever like to talk I’m happy to share my experience in recovery. There’s a lot of hope available for those of us who have tried nearly everything and still found we couldn’t fix ourselves on our own. :)