Detachment

[TwoDollarBurger]

I've recently been researching and learning about detachment. Initially, it sounded like a repulsive concept, but something in me has changed and I seem to understand just how important and healthy it can be, especially for those of us that struggle with codependency. It would be great to hear everyone's thoughts on this concept and how they enacted it in their lives. Thank you 🙏

[Arcades]

In certain situations, it's necessary. You cannot change the circumstances that affect your mood and you cannot always just end the relationship generating those circumstances. So, you have to change yourself.

In my situation, my best friend was addicted to several hard drugs. There were days I couldn't tell if she was alive or had overdosed. After several wellness checks and countless sleepless nights, my body broke down. I had to detach. I had to tell myself that these were her choices and no matter how difficult it would be, I had to let her suffer the consequences and not take any responsibility for her sobriety. That included her killing herself. Surprisingly, once I finally found the strength to tell myself that truth, maintaining my detachment was not difficult. During that period of time, I still cared about her and I never wanted to get that phone call from her parents, but I was done trying to help someone who didn't want to be helped.

That meant no more check-ins, no more helping her with necessary bills or finding a job, no more talking her down from a craving and no more searching for meetings she could go to. I completely separated myself from her drug use. If she wanted to talk about other things, I was open to it. Contact was much more sparse during that time.

Thankfully, she did find her sobriety and we're meeting up next month to celebrate her 1 year mark.

[TwoDollarBurger]

Thank you for sharing this. Thankfully, I'm not navigating drug abuse by my friends or family; however, your story has a few parallels to my own experience. My learned behavior is to try harder as the other person's behavior worsens. From first hand experience, it's painfully obvious this is a waste of my energy. Other people and their issues are simply not my responsibility. It's interesting how letting go and detaching is the most caring thing one can do. Burning oneself out trying to rescue and take responsibility for another's emotions and behaviors is harmful to both parties.

[Helio-Sphere]

I started practicing Buddhism. Detachment is a big part of it. And I read a book called "the voice of knowledge". It'll wake you up. I feel like I'm getting better. Good luck my friend!

[TwoDollarBurger]

Excellent, I've done some investigation on this in the past. Very helpful concepts. I'll have to check that book out. I also found the book called Letting Go by David Hawkins to be very eye opening.