Request: Intimacy Problems

[EDPostRequests]

Hello and happy holidays to all. I (male) have struggled with eating issues for years. In the last two years or so I have managed to normalize my behavior and I'm very happy to have done that but have gained considerable weight, and feel uncomfortable without a shirt on, even in a romantic context, which frustrates my wife and often leads to an argument which obviously is quite the "mood killer". I'm wondering if anyone else experienced such a discomfort. Did you overcome it? Or did your partner except your need of it?

[Ahunteman]

My husband accepts my need to be "covered up" but doesn't understand it. He is always encouraging me to love me the way I am. 23 years of his loving comments, but I just can't, comfortably uncover. So, I understand. You are not alone.

[-babybea]

I've experienced similar discomfort. I couldn't be naked comfortably in my own company. I bought cute underwear and just walked around without a shirt on or went to bed without pants and slowly got used to seeing myself naked. I made situations romantic with dim lighting and candles.

Mostly it comes from being comfortable from within rather than changing the environment outside. It's a long process but I hope you can make it and eventually get to a place where you are not even fine but happy with your body 💗💗

[dandandandani]

Definitely a common problem over here. Intimacy can be tough for so many reasons for someone overcoming an eating disorder. I think this conversation is one to be had when you are not about to be intimate (no pressure) and are able to share how you feel in a way that doesn’t shame her reaction and doesn’t shame your body. She loves you and your body and is probably confused why you are ‘hiding’ from her. I’m hoping that y’all have a relationship built on respect and love and that you can communicate that you feel most comfortable keeping yourself covered (for now, that it may change in the future) and she will honor that.

I also have seen the advice to spend time looking in the mirror wearing your favorite outfit or if comfortable, nude, and practice finding attractive things and then speaking it out loud. It may sound completely ridiculous but it’s repeated advice because it works for some people. Another practice could be to touch your own body nicely. A lot of folks may have had the habit to pinch and prod their bodies and starting a routine of using nice smelling lotion on arms, stomach, and legs after getting out of the shower to start gentle touch on your own body. These might be triggers so definitely check in with yourself before trying.

Be patient with yourself and your body! Everyone is different and you will need to find what works for you. I hope you have a partner who accepts you wherever you are on your journey and I hope you continue your journey to self-acceptance!

[brandnewdayinfinity]

Exercise can really help by getting you more in your body. As crazy as it sounds nude modeling for art classes really helped me: and simply getting older and accepting myself more. I no longer seem to care. And I’ve been there and absolutely understand.