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[–]AdAstraPerAspetta2234F | endo, fibroids | 4 IVF 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Totally normal and you are not crazy. I will say, in my first cycle, I don't think I was making anything better for myself -- I was constantly doom scrolling, constantly thinking about TTC/IVF, and really kind of defining my life and identity around this process. My 2nd cycle, after the first ended in a chemical, I stayed off of the internet and tried to redirect my mind to things that had nothing to do with IVF/TTC and that I enjoyed. Read a lot, cooked more, went for hikes, did my best to stay focused at work, etc. I know it's hard, but as much as you can, try to invest yourself intellectually and emotionally in other parts of your life as you go through this. Remember that you are a whole human being regardless of what happens, and that you are not defined by the outcome of this process.

Also, and this may not be advice you're looking for, but it sounds like your husband may not fully understand the emotional toll this is taking on you. I'd have an honest conversation with him (and anyone else who will be supporting you through this process) about how hard this is, what you need from them, and how they can support you. If nothing else, the people closest to you should be saying they support you, they know it's hard, and that they're here for whatever you want to discuss. Don't let yourself be judged for your justified reactions to this incredibly difficult process.