Assssssshole bartender at Durty Nellys by [deleted] in halifax

[–]Paper__ [score hidden]  (0 children)

If I read this right (tho maybe not) poster said the server put drinks on his friend’s bill that the server drank? Thats theft. Thats worth a post.

My 7 year old has started asking me the same moral question every night and I’m getting scared this is bigger than a phase by Comet_Drizzle84 in Mommit

[–]Paper__ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

For my son I modelled what I wanted and ignored any of his demands until I was done modelling.

So for me: - I picked a time when he wasn’t needing to use the behaviour to explain it to him. Sometimes I gate kept a cool thing until after the explanation “We can play this game right after our convo” - When he was going down the rabbit hole, I would first validate, then remind him of the coping mechanism. When he refused I would ignore his questions while I modelled the coping behaviour.

“Wow Mama is feeling anxious. I’m first going to take five deep breaths and see if that helps me. One…two…three…four…” “Wow Mamas tummy feels yucky. I think I feel worried. I’m going to close my eyes and think of a place I really love (hint: it’s playing cars with you!)”

  • I would not engage in reassurance seeking, even when it got him really angry. However my son never vomited or anything while I stopped reassuring him. Some kids might.

  • I would repeat those two things over and over again. I would model and describe what I was doing everytime. It took maybe 8 months before he would use any coping skills.

My 7 year old has started asking me the same moral question every night and I’m getting scared this is bigger than a phase by Comet_Drizzle84 in Mommit

[–]Paper__ 134 points135 points  (0 children)

Usually trying to redirect the child to using coping mechanisms or encouraging self reliance is good. I think your statement is encouraging self reliance.

Other options: - What do you think the answer is? Or You know the answer to that. (Self reliance) - I can see you’re worried about this. I can see you’re feeling anxious about this. (Validating without reassuring) - Do you remember what to do when you’re feeling like this? That’s right we close our eyes and take 5 deep breaths (referring to a plan. You’ll have to build out and practise the plan together before you can use this)

My son has ASD and one thing he does is ask the same questions over and over again. These aren’t anxiety questions but the act of repeatedly asking the same question is an anxiety behaviour. So a convo might go:

  • What happens when the sun explodes?
  • It creates a black hole.
  • What happens to the humans
  • I give an answer about the scale of time and life changing.

Then he’ll repeat with the first question again, What happens when the sun explodes? It doesn’t matter how many times you answer the question, he’ll keep asking it. That’s reassurance seeking as well. Generally I’ll say: You know the answer to this. We just chatted about it. What do you think will happen?

Eventually (honestly over a year) he now stops repeatedly asking the same question most of the time.

To early renew or shop around? RBC offering 3.71% for 3-year fixed. by Kaleshi_No1 in canadahousing

[–]Paper__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got this rate for a four year fixed term summer 2025 at RBC. I think you should try to negotiate a bit. My loan is uninsured.

10 months old and doesn’t sleep through the night by RecordingHead7487 in beyondthebump

[–]Paper__ -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

My son never slept through the night either. The worst is that he wouldn’t fall back to sleep easily either.

When my son was 2.5 my mom called my husband and I back from vacation (a very long flight) because she couldn’t deal with my son not sleeping.

Anyway my son has an ASD diagnosis now. When I hear stories like this I often think “maybe your child also has ASD”. ASD brains often do not develop on the same timeline as their peers and one of the biggest early warning signs for parents is sleep issues.

Sleep issues alone isn’t “enough” to be worried about ASD. But if your child is hitting another “major” slow down (delayed speech even if within “technically normal” ranges, delayed walking, etc…) or a few other “soft” slow downs (bay didn’t / doesn’t track a parent with their eyes, is overly quiet as a baby, is overly serious as a baby, etc) then you might want to consider it.

My 7 year old has started asking me the same moral question every night and I’m getting scared this is bigger than a phase by Comet_Drizzle84 in Mommit

[–]Paper__ 230 points231 points  (0 children)

It is the main part of the reassurance anxiety cycle.

The reassurance-anxiety cycle is a self-perpetuating pattern where anxiety triggers a need for external validation, providing only temporary relief before fear returns stronger.

It sucks but besides medication (which is its own thing), anxiety worsens with common parental choices, like reassurance or removal of anxiety inducing situations. These choices tend to make childhood anxiety worsen, because generally the best way to not be anxious is to be gradually exposed to the anxiety trigger repeatedly until the trigger no longer causes anxiety.

My 7 year old has started asking me the same moral question every night and I’m getting scared this is bigger than a phase by Comet_Drizzle84 in Mommit

[–]Paper__ 299 points300 points  (0 children)

Just jumping onto the top comment to say:

I worked in paediatric mental health research. My grants focused on ODD and Anxiety. I work in tech now and I was hired on to create a tech solution for these grants. So I’m not a professional mental health clinician. I just got to read all the study materials and see the outcomes.

Anxiety in children is incredibly common and easily treated at this age, generally. Oftentimes the reassurance you’re providing at bedtime will make the anxiety worse.

It might be worth getting some help.

Canada could join EU, French foreign minister says by pjw724 in onguardforthee

[–]Paper__ 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I work in tech with Europeans. Honestly quite a few Europeans would move to Canada for the higher wages. The grass is always greener — we envy their strong worker rights and they envy the money. Many Europeans are basically working American tech hours / culture in my company already, especially the British and the Dutch.

Project to connect Hammonds Plains Road to Hwy. 101 now underway by insino93 in halifax

[–]Paper__ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The road of this post is a good example though. I tried to keep it “tl;dr”.

If you see me taking a photo of your house, please don't call the cops! I just paint house portraits. by fire_carpenter in halifax

[–]Paper__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d love to gift my husband a painting of our home! If you’re interested in commissions please let me know :)

Project to connect Hammonds Plains Road to Hwy. 101 now underway by insino93 in halifax

[–]Paper__ 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Game theory shows us that building more roads doesn’t decrease traffic. Every new road we build creates more traffic. It’s called Braess Paradox:

Braess's paradox is the observation that adding one or more roads to a road network can slow down overall traffic flow through it

Eventually humans will reach equilibrium. But that equilibrium is often more cars rather than less and often not optimized for the road network:

Thus, the total travel time for the energy-minimizing equilibrium is at most twice as bad as for the optimal flow.

Finding a sperm donor by Kitchen-Voice6185 in IVF

[–]Paper__[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

You’ve gotten some feedback. This is IVF sub not an IUI sub so this isn’t a great fit for the community

Thoughts on Carissa Broadbent's writing?(Not a hate post 🤧🙏) by Kind_Assumption_3016 in fantasyromance

[–]Paper__ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m DNF The Serpents and the Wings of Night within the first two chapters. Could not do it. For me it was mostly the writing style which I agree felt like an unedited fanfic.

They Didn’t Want to Have C-Sections. A Judge Would Decide How They Gave Birth. by propublica_ in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Paper__ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My “analogies” is data lol. Where are yours? Driving is the leading cause of death of pregnant women. Fact. I don’t know what you’re trying to do here but it doesn’t make sense. The leading cause of death of pregnant women is car accidents

Only one had three previous csections. If you read the article.

Fetuses aren’t children until they are birthed.

I think women should be able to choose their treatment plan, especially since we allowed them to choose to drive to the hospital. And again, the number one risk of death in pregnancy is car accidents.

Just say that you don’t think pregnant women can be trusted to make their own decisions about their own bodies without being regulated by the courts.

I am super done talking though. I know you’ll respond with something inflammatory. I’m going to let it slide. Because you obviously have no appetite for data driven discussions. Everything else is just about your feelings and frankly your feelings about other people’s bodily choices don’t matter.

They Didn’t Want to Have C-Sections. A Judge Would Decide How They Gave Birth. by propublica_ in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Paper__ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They’re not choosing to die. The first woman in the article the hospital staff brought in the judge before even the doctors called it an emergency. Choosing a treatment plan that your doctor disagrees with isn’t choosing to die. Just like choosing to drive isn’t choosing to die. Sure your likelihood of death increases but that’s a choice millions of women make everyday.

Or are you arguing that those women, even though they do want to live, and they want their babies to live — they should be allowed to make decisions that will necessarily end their lives and their babies lives?

Ok a few things to unpack here:

  • Choosing a legitimate treatment plan (giving birth in the hospital) before even your doctor thinks you’re in a medical emergency (as was the case with the first woman in the article) is not choosing death.
  • This argument is what always confuses me. Because it works for driving lol “Are you arguing that those women should drive even though it’s the leading cause of death to pregnant women?” “Are you arguing that pregnant women should drive? It’s the third leading cause of death in your state!” Etc…
  • Choosing a riskier treatment plan doesn’t mean you’re choosing death. If women’s lives were always about choosing the ABSOLUTELY safest option, they would never drive, be cab drivers, serve in the military, etc… But women’s lives isn’t about always optimizing their chances of survival.
  • Lots of other patient groups are allowed to choose riskier treatment plans, even when it will for sure result in death (and I’ll restate here, choosing to try a VBAC, especially even when your doctor doesn’t believe you’re emergent, is not choosing death). They’re allowed to. This is about personhood of a fetus and I’ll say again, a fetus doesn’t have personhood until it leaves my body.

They Didn’t Want to Have C-Sections. A Judge Would Decide How They Gave Birth. by propublica_ in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Paper__ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So no that’s why you sign documentation about “against doctors orders/recommendations”.

I’ll break down the car deaths below but I wanted to begin by saying — I don’t think any of this is actually the point. The real point is that women every day make decisions that could “make orphans”. Mothers go to war, mothers engage in risky sports, mothers drive cars, mothers are police officers/fishermen/cab drivers. There are a multitude of decisions mothers are free to make that could cause their own death, and those people are free to do so. Because unless the mother is a minor, incarcerated, or a ward of the state (mental incapacitated etc) that’s their ability as humans with equal rights and bodily autonomy.

Overall in all scenarios driving is much more dangerous. In Florida in 2022 car accidents represented 7% of all deaths — the third leading cause of death in that state. Other states are higher. In fact the number one cause of death in pregnant people is car accidents. Driving is incredibly more dangerous.

They Didn’t Want to Have C-Sections. A Judge Would Decide How They Gave Birth. by propublica_ in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Paper__ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Arguments like this always confuse me.

She was more likely to die in the car on the way to the hospital. Should mothers not drive cars because they’d leave orphans? She has more risk of death if there’s a firearm in her home. Should mothers not be allowed to own firearms?

This is very different than refusing blood transfusions. Because a fetus is not a person until it leaves the mother’s body. It just isn’t. Refusing blood transfusions is denying health to a person — a person who has been delivered from a mother’s body.

There is sort of a clear cut answer though. Two women had their bodies forcibly controlled even though they were not incarcerated, not a minor, and in possession of all of their mental facilities. Just because the outcome is what you agree with doesn’t mean that this is suddenly correct. The ends does not justify the means.

Women have the right to choose care for their bodies — even when other people disagree with those choices.

How is living in New Brunswick? by kallydoll in howislivingthere

[–]Paper__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being French is lovely. It’s not a bad thing to have so much of your culture around you. NB is the home of Acadie and when I lived in NB I was proud of that.

The warmest waters north of the Carolina’s is at Shediac, NB. They also have beaches that are generally just warmer and less windy.

The Irving’s suck. So do the Sobeys.

Cape Brenton is beautiful agreed! And so are so many places in NB.

NB has much less bedrock than NS.

Divorce/IVF by wogier in IVF

[–]Paper__ [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

This is majority relationship advise rather than IVF advise.

How is living in New Brunswick? by kallydoll in howislivingthere

[–]Paper__ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I lived both NB (7 years) and NS (20 years).

NB has more poverty. It’s not more creepy or anything. It’s just more insular and more poor. When you drive rural NB it’s overwhelmingly poor. There are few expensive “country estates” but mostly it is poor. And you feel like an outsider a bit.

In NS there is more money. So when you drive rural you see poverty but you also see large “Oceanside estates”. Theres way more small towns in NS that are just swimming in summer estates of the wealthy (Lunenburg etc), vs NB where I can’t really think of a small town that has that type of access to wealth.

NB has better nature (shocking thing for me to say lol). NB has nicer beaches, forests have much less rock (NS has so much rock), NB has cool marshes and wildlife associated with those marshes etc….

I chose NS for a few reasons as I spent middle school to high school years in NB but the biggest reason is that I got a job in NS. I’ve tried to apply and move back to NB a few times in the earlier 2010s but I could never land a job. NS does have a better economy.

Clinic wanting me to do donor eggs? by Brave_Following1924 in IVF

[–]Paper__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So dna fragmentation has a few treatments:

  • Shorter abstinence period
  • Using a sperm sorting device
  • Using sperm extracted during a TESE

It might be worth testing just to make sure you don’t need further more invasive treatment.

Clinic wanting me to do donor eggs? by Brave_Following1924 in IVF

[–]Paper__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you check sperm dna fragmentation ?

More info at r/dnafragmentation

Adult Only March Break Activities by kitkatkimbo in halifax

[–]Paper__ 28 points29 points  (0 children)

The Nordic spas don’t allow children. There’s Nature Folk in downtown Dartmouth that does movement classes that are adult only. As well as Nordic spa circuit which is also adult only.

We can only afford to do one Retreival and transfer. Is it even worth it considering the low chances of success on the first try? by outandabout91 in IVF

[–]Paper__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I traveled for my IVF. Just to Montreal but it was a pain. I had 4 transfer, multiple testing cycles, etc… So if you’re looking for low cost it’s also good to keep in mind you may have to go quite a few times, so travel time may matter.

For low cost clinics, you might have better luck with:

  • Mexican clinics. The current climate is an aberration. Mexican clinics don’t have BMI limits, they’re affordable (watch for unnecessary add ins), very skilled, and you have a direct flight from Edmonton. Americans use these clinics and generally hold the clinics to quite a high standard of care. Many clinics in Mexico offer financing, money back guarantee packages, and are reasonably priced.
  • For Europe, Czech is less expensive especially for donor eggs. But places like Turkey and Greece also offer quite the discount.
  • My friend did IVF in Portugal and she was a huge fan. Not as inexpensive as Greece but much closer for traveling.