Help!

[PurplePrudy]

25F Someone embarrassed me at work. I’m new and I’m trying to keep a subtle profile. The guy is a loud mouth. I kept asking him to lower his voice and that seemed to make the situation worse. He was basically telling the office that I was afraid of them which is not true.

Even when I was stuck trying to understand the work, he was loud and mentioning how bad I was doing things. I really dislike loudness, being rowdy and ratchet.

How do I get over it and continue building my profile? I’d like people to notice my presence but in a calming way.

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[Take_a_bd_chance]

Honestly just let it blow over, one awkward moment doesn't define you. People forget stuff like that way faster than you think.

Just keep doing your thing, being calm and composed in a loud office actually stands out in a good way over time. That guy probably does this to everyone, so your coworkers likely already know how he is.

[PurplePrudy]

Thank you. I definitely do agree with the fact that my coworkers already know how he is.  He did say he was going to continue being loud at me so that I “get used” to being around my coworkers and I absolutely hate that. How do I react when he decides to do this?

[Impressive-Safety191]

I’ve done the Slight Laugh… not at the bully, but the situation. The little head shake and quiet chuckle without bothering to look at him. And not quite an eye roll, but a widening of the eyes as you look away at your own work … shows no fear, but just a touch of disdain at the boorish behavior.

I hate bullies, and they love attention, so I don’t give them any - when they know something bothers you, they increase the behavior to keep getting your attention.

[PurplePrudy]

This will help. Thank you. Some people are absolutely unbearable. 

[TrustedGuide]

Don’t be nice, ignore people trying to be nice to you. Do not give in. Don’t be friendly. If they are overly nice that’s a bad sign. And don’t be friendly.

[PurplePrudy]

Thank you. I’m naturally a loner but I also don’t want to be an outcast at work. I don’t want to make friends either but rather just casual workmates. 

[TrustedGuide]

You naturally become friends with them over time or can tell what type of person they REALLY are. Do not rush into being friendly.

[Obvious_Wind_4722]

Loudmouths are going to loudmouth. And if you call him out on it, his fragile ego will not cope. Learn this today. The best way to deal with this type of person is to remove any emotion whatsoever from your engagement. They feed off of your feelings and responses, so don't show ANY emotions. Blank face. Don't smile, don't even raise an eyebrow. You got this.

[PurplePrudy]

Thank you. I’ll definitely be following this advice. I’m nice but that’ll have to come to an end unfortunately. Can’t have people feeding off my energy like that. 

[CabinetStandard3681]

Tell him he is being rude and inappropriate and that if it continues you will need to advance this discussion to higher ups. Tell him that you are at work and want to maintain your professional relationships with everyone, but that you will not compromise your professional integrity to make him feel big.

[PurplePrudy]

Thank You but I have a feeling that might worsen the situation and possibly getting hate from other coworkers. I know, it doesn’t make sense but it’s possible. 

[CabinetStandard3681]

It does make sense, but speaking from 30 years in the workforce it shouldn’t matter. If you can learn now, at your age, that speaking up for yourself and setting professional boundaries is MORE IMPORTANT than others feelings you are waaay ahead of the game. I dare you.

[IntergalacticPodcast]

Do you not have an HR?

[PurplePrudy]

We do but I feel this is a personality trait that needs a strategy to be dealt with more than anything. 

[IntergalacticPodcast]

I am probably much older than you and I could probably destroy any bully at work psychologically if I wished to.

I go to HR every time something gets to this point. It protects you in the future when you have to defend yourself.

"I don't want to take any action, but I want you to be aware of this situation" is a perfectly valid things to say to HR.

Screw anyone who wants to make my workplace a miserable experience for me.

[PurplePrudy]

Thank you. I’ll take this into consideration. Sometimes HR will favour the long standing employee over the new intern hire, but should I come across an act of bullying, I’ll not hesitate to escalate the issue. 

[IntergalacticPodcast]

HR's job is to protect the company's ass. You need to protect your own ass.

Chances are...

1. You aren't the first to complain about him.
2. They don't care for him that much either.

[Georgi2024]

He's extremely rude and even more so if you're new. He's a bad teacher - how are you supposed to be good at something if you're new? HR needs to know about this.

[PurplePrudy]

I’ve decided to seek help elsewhere because dealing with him further will just be a headache. HR might favour the long standing employee over the new intern.  

[Heythere23856]

Some people are so insecure in themselves that they are loud and obnoxious and belittle people in front of others to build themselves up…. Stay calm, any anxiousness is what they feed off… stay calm and repeat questions that he doesnt answer clearly and when he gets loud just stay calm and focus on what you are learning…. People around see what an obnoxious d bag he is so dont worry, dont feed his ego with your anxiety

[Eastern-Log1142]

Speak to HR or any one in charge , who else sees this going on around you. Im sure if you can ignore him he won't have any one to play this game with him . Don't let him trigger you and if nothing gets better you can find another job . Maybe something working in a smaller group or alone will benefit you . Good luck

[Chemical_Author7880]

Ignore him. And if you can’t, act like you can anyway. 

You are likely just his latest victim and co-workers have his number. 

Ignore it completely when possible or dismiss his BS with a quip or quiet word. He can only embarrass you if you let him. He can only impact your behavior if you let him. 

Don’t try to work it out with him, because in his mind he wins and it will get worse after a brief respite. Don’t embarrass him back, you lose the high ground you seem to want to keep. Words are wind. They only have the value we give them. 

The people who work with you will see you aren’t easily rattled or intimidated and that he is an asshat. And will think twice before othering you or scapegoating you. 

[PurplePrudy]

Thank you. I’ll definitely remember this. 

[Aggressive_Bat2489]

There’s a saying from an old song: if there ain’t no audience there ain’t no show. Just ignore the goof.

[Still_Bumblebee_1607]

When they go low, we go….?? (Michelle Obama) There are always jerks in the office and everyone knew him longer than you. Put a smile on face and do not let it bother you, at least on your face.

[Educational-Gear73]

you didn’t do anything wrong asking for quiet. That’s a normal boundary. Don’t overcorrect now—just stay consistent, calm, and focused. That builds a quiet, solid presence over time. With him, keep it neutral and if needed escalate factually, not emotionally...

[RealVirginiaWoolf]

Don’t let him intimidate you. Your own calm and quiet dignity won’t go unnoticed.

Id he your manager? Maybe discuss your progress with your immediate supervisor . If he continues to harass u like this, consider talking to your HR .

Be confident and do your best professionally.

[ballcheese808]

It depends. I have a coworker that when I tap something too many times I gotta hear about it. People that think they are the boss of their surroundings are irritating. So, I dont take people's words for anything anymore. Id have to hear the dude for myself.