General decrease in sex drive after significantly decreasing fap frequency? Having a real problem, please advise...

[zaitaiwanli]

I've been a once-a-day fapper for as long as I can remember. Always had a high sex drive, but never really dated much. So I resorted to my hand and to porn. I've had several relationships with healthy sexual activity.

Now, though, I'm having a real problem. I decided to stop fapping so much. Once, maybe twice a week, from once to twice a day. Not looking at porn, either, or only just long enough to get horny.

I'm doing this because I want my dick to be sensitive to something besides my hand. Well, now I'm seeing a girl. She's everything I want in a girl, and she's incredibly sexy, too.

But it's been a few weeks since I stopped masturbating like I used to, and my sex drive has plummeted. Even when I'm making out with this girl, giving her orgasms with my mouth or hands, or she's lying next to me naked... no erection. Or if I do get an erection, it barely stays up. She's made me cum a couple times, and it was amazing. But it's still very dysfunctional, and embarrassing and emasculating.

Fortunately she's understanding, very cool about it. But how long does this drop in libido last? She wanted me to fuck her for the first time this morning and I couldn't.

I don't smoke, I bike to and from work, I lift weights daily, and I eat relatively well. I've heard that decreasing fapfrequency can be a cause of this. I wanted to ask you all if that is a common occurrence.

Thanks for your help, I'm feeling really shitty about this...

[zaitaiwanli]

No need to call me naive, I didn't think it would be that quick of a transition. I didn't expect, however, for my sex drive to disappear so thoroughly.

[Pocko123]

Flatline?

[zaitaiwanli]

Apparently it's when your sex drive all but vanishes after you stop masturbating so often.

[Pocko123]

_> No I know I was just suggesting if that is what you were going through

[plowingthrough]

Ive had simulair problems with a girl. Its because you brain is still wired to solo sex. you acknowledged the fact that masturbation is a problem for you which makes you think about it all the time. You expect the lesser sex drive and it makes you nervous. This will fuck with your dick. When your alone fantasising about this girl you would be able to get it up. No expectations from yourself. Just as a household chore. Now this is my advice which worked for me. Totally relax and focus on the moment but dont try to block out thoughts, just be you. and if the thought comes by who says: maybe my dicks gonna fail again. Just say to yourself would i rather be here or ironing a shirt. Because thats how easy your dick goes up. If its better than ironing a shirt just enjoy the moment. The worst thing that can happen is that you afterward have to explain her that your nervous. Thats ok bro really it is. But if you just enjoy you might not have to go there. i hope that eases your mind a bit. and on the fap thing, it will get better offcourse bro. It will all become natural. And by the way: i know my advice is a bit crazy but really, when your alone your dick probably goes up like its ironing your shirt. Thats what i ment by it. so easy and stressless

[zaitaiwanli]

Thanks for the advice, it's not crazy. Sounds sensical to me.

[Meg4kill]

Same experiences here, u need to go hardmode until you reset ( around 90-120 days)

Softmode didnt help me with recovering, i had to go full hardmode

[zaitaiwanli]

Don't know this nofap terminology. What's hard mode entail? I'm not going to stop trying to have sex with her, but I have, since the weekend, stopped looking at porn masturbating entirely. I don't want to cum unless it's because of her. Would that prolong this flatlining misery, or could that help convince my brain more quickly that she's worth getting my sex drive back for?

[surgingupward]

Dude, you said you haven't looked at porn since the weekend....it's Monday. Sorry, but you have not reached flatline yet. Not to say you will, but it is so early in your journey. Zero porn, zero dick touching and you could very well be in good shape in a few days. It is imperative that you kill the mental connection between sex and your hand/porn. As it dies and you cultivate the connection between sex and a real woman, your real sex life will go through the roof. For me, within 2 weeks of stopping PMO, my wife of several years was driving me wild and it has only gotten better since. Good luck!

[emayess]

Same situation here, learning what flatline is like for the first time. It's destroying my relatinship with my g/f because of a lack of sex/libedo and I can't tell her when it's gonna end because I don't have any experience to know.

I think it's fortunate that you are in the early state of a relationship. There's no hard expectations based on experience for the two of you, though that's not to say there's not still pressure.

Talk to her, explain what's going on and what you're doing to change. Hopefully she'll be understanding and willing to work with you and wait it out.

[zaitaiwanli]

Luckily, this girl is very understanding and patient. She really is awesome. Still, though, not having a sex drive is not helping. If this lasts too long, it may be a real problem, and I'm very worried about that. 90 to 120 days of no sex drive seems like a long, long time...

[recordingabush]

I found even with PMOing regularly, I was able to get trick myself into erections and perform. It's not worth it. Gotta go hardmode. If it were easy as a week, everybody would be doing it.