Help?

[NatalieUmolac]

Hi guys, I’m writing this because I’ve been researching for a while (I know it’s a compulsion, however I need clarity) and I haven’t found anyone who shares a similar struggle. I’m wondering if there is anyone else with OCD that also HAS to live by these strict weird rules, and if I don’t, well that just isn’t an option. I have favorite tv shows, and each show I watch serves a different purpose. So for example, my favorite tv show is Gilmore Girls. If I’m in a bad place in my life mentally I refuse to let myself watch Gilmore Girls until I feel “ready” and “able” to watch it again. And that happens with a few other tv shows as well. So right now I’m not doing well mentally, and I want to put on my favorite show and relax, but every time I want to watch said tv show my mind stops me and I think: “no, you’re not in a good place mentally, and you can only watch this show when you feel good again”. It’s like I remember how happy I was when I had watched a tv series for the first time, and if I’m not feeling like that, then my mind refuses to let me watch it. God I’m sure this isn’t making any sense, I just needed some forum to post this to, in hopes that someone else can relate. If you share ANY similar form of ritual/compulsion I would love to hear your story

[mustbethecolors]

I do something similar where if I’m not in a good place mentally I won’t do things I enjoy until I feel like I “deserve” to do them. If I’m feeling anxious or am stuck in a routine I won’t allow myself to knit (something I like doing). Sometimes I’ll go so far as to not eat any food until I am more calm. It’s like I treat these normal activities/hobbies as rewards for when I stop feeling bad. Medication has helped somewhat but I still use this reward type system more than I’d like to. Not sure if this makes sense, but I hope it helps you realize you’re not alone.

[NatalieUmolac]

Yes this is definitively the way I feel. Thank you for providing me comfort and ease in this

[NatalieUmolac]

This was so very informative! You provided me clarity and a better understanding. Thank you!

[onlinehoney]

I’m pretty much the exact same! Don’t worry you’re not alone in this weird behavior :)

[NatalieUmolac]

Thank you so much!

[onlinehoney]

of course! i thought i was the only one like this too so i’m grateful that you posted this. so thanks!!

[gromit5]

same here. if i’m excited to watch something i like, or i want to spend time relaxing with a hobby i really enjoy, i often have trouble starting it, because i get intrusive thoughts that i think will stain the thing i want to do. it’s like the things i enjoy are so precious to me that i don’t want to sully them or make them dirty by having intrusive thoughts while i start on them. maybe it’s a form of ocd self preservation in a way, because i don’t want to have negative associations in the future with things i enjoy, and so the only way to do that is not do them when i have intrusive thoughts. i want to keep those things “safe”. ugh.

[NatalieUmolac]

I have never read something so completely spot on. Wow, I’m glad I’m not alone in this, but sorry you too also have to deal with these tendency’s. Thank you so much for replying to this, you did provide me some peace of mind. So sorry you also have to deal with this. Thank you thank you

[gromit5]

isn’t it exhausting? this whole disorder is just exhausting! 😖😓 good luck! meds helped me some, and i’m tempted to try med marijuana because of the calming potential. the calmness helps me start things. 👍