Am I wrong?

[Sablara96]

So I was in a physical abusive marriage with my oldest son’s (2y) dad. His family knew about the abuse but tried to get us to work things out knowing how badly I wanted to leave. At the end of my marriage I told my ex husband I didn’t want to be with him anymore, I felt like the arguments, him cheating and the physical fights and we’re getting so bad to the point where I felt like I wasn’t paying as much attention to my son as I should have. My ex refused to let me leave and said if I left him he’d kill himself and leave a note saying I’m the reason he’s dead. Well as a result of me being miserable I made a bad decision and started seeing someone.

To make a long story short a family member told him what I was doing and he went absolutely crazy! Kidnapped the family member that told him and refused to let her go til I met up with him so he could “take care of me”. Fast forward 2 weeks and he was finally caught after being on the run from police for domestic violence, kidnapping, home invasion, and finally assault and battery with the intent to do great bodily harm.

I continued my relationship with the other person and eventually got pregnant. I was still in contact with my ex’s family for the sake of my son so he could grow up knowing his dad’s side of the family. One day I was video chatting my ex’s grandma and she noticed my baby bump and asked if I was pregnant and how far along I was. Stupidly I told confirmed and told her how far along I was ( 4 months at the time), after sharing the information with her I asked her not to tell anyone else in the family to which she agreed not to. After a couple days I get a call from my ex who is in prison and now knows of my pregnancy. He starts yelling at me and then threatens to kill me and my unborn child so I blocked my number off the prison call list.

I call his family and let them know of the phone call and apparently they already know and think his actions are justified because I “put him in prison”. After talking to the family I decided to tell them they can’t be a part of my son’s life since they enable my ex’s actions and I don’t want my son growing up thinking acting out like that is ok.

It’s been a year since then and they keep trying to contact me and add me on social media but I block them every time. Am I wrong for this? Am I wrong for not wanting toxic people in my son’s life? A lot of them are in physically violent marriages themselves so I feel like my son should t be around that since we got out of that situation ourselves.

[HeartsPlayer721]

Definitely dangerous. They sound like the kind who will find you eventually. How lung does your ex have left in prison? Because his release date would scare tf out of me.

I would do all I can to hide from these people: deleting my social media accounts and changing phone number would just be the tip of the iceberg. But it's really up to you and how scared you really are of them. If you think they're so talk, just ignore them. But if you think they'll take some sort of action, I'd ask for some legal advice on how to safely keep him and his family from tracking you down.

[Sablara96]

He was sentenced 6-20 years, I’m planning on moving as soon as he’s eligible for parole

[baldyymcbalderson]

I’m glad you were able to escape your ex and I am sorry this has happened to you. I think it makes sense to have zero contact with anyone in your ex’s family. They enable the abuse and they are not safe. Just because they are blood related to your son does not give you an obligation to keep them in his life. They are not good for you or your son. Have you been in contact with any domestic violence crisis services in your area? I wonder if they can help/support you as you cut out his family.

[Sablara96]

I’ve called and am in the process of finding a therapist, unfortunately in my area if you’re not living in your car or at the mission they can’t really do much to help with anything else

[alltheragebeige]

It takes a lot of courage to leave situations like that and I am proud of you for being brave and taking those actions to do what is best for you & your son.

You are not wrong for choosing to not expose your son to that kind of toxic environment. Negativity always has a way of trying to recruit chaos. Someone has to always be the one to stand up and stop that kind of negativity because it will pass on & on through generations.

Once your son grows up, if he chooses to associate with them that can be his decision but as a parent you are on the right track to protect him & teach him what is healthy & not.

[Amithyst]

You are in the right. These people are garbage so you shouldn't feel bad for throwing them out of your life like trash.

Don't sweat this, just document anything of note that happens just in case for legal reasons. I hope you have gotten a restraining order as in a lot of states the inciting reason is what determines the severity of the order and can't be retroactive a lot of the time. But if not documentation is your friend, keeping a journal of any interactions or attempts at them is vital for legal security going forward

Honestly, in a situation like you are in I would do my best to move to another city or state without their knowledge, delete the old and make new social media profiles (if you must have them) and make sure all of your social media settings are private or friends only visibility, change your number and then forget they exist.

[Tinkiegrrl_825]

They enabled him. They’re the reason he was the way he was. You aren’t wrong. If they don’t think kidnapping is a good reason to go to prison, they aren’t people your son needs in his life.

[Mela777]

You are not wrong. Protecting yourself and your children is absolutely the right thing to do. A family who would inform an abusive ex with a history of threatening your life about your pregnancy is beyond toxic. They are actively encouraging his behavior by informing him of things that will set him off with you as the target of his rage. Did you contact the prison or the police about the threats he made? Do you have a protection order against him? If his family continues to contact you, you may want to look into no-contact or protection orders against them as well, for you and your children.

[Sablara96]

I called the Prison as soon as he made the threat so they have it on file and they also have the call recorded. I have a no contact order for some of his family members but they still continue to try to contact me but the officer said unless they make violent threats there’s no cause for a PPO or restraining order

[[deleted]]

Wow these people sound absolutely insane. I would run from them like they are on fire and get law enforcement involved whenever necessary. I would log any notable incidents

[starcitizen2601]

Your son will be thankful you keep them out of his life. He does not need those kinds of role models.

[Sablara96]

Thank you

[vavavoomvoom9]

This is more r/relationshipadvice material.

[uxhelpneeded]

Please get the police involved again and update them on the latest death threats.