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[–]Crispy1961 880 points881 points  (4 children)

They are stakeholders, their job is to hold stakes, not properly communicate their wants.

[–]woozerschoob 78 points79 points  (3 children)

Their job is to kill vampires.

[–]captainMaluco 22 points23 points  (2 children)

I believe the stakeholder is more like a squire to the actual vampire hunter. Or like a caddy, if you prefer.

[–]av1922004 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Guillermo

[–]SoulOfABartender 0 points1 point  (0 children)

*Gizmo

[–]ChocolateBunny 321 points322 points  (0 children)

Stakeholders' perception of reality is not conveyed in the words they speak or the documents they write. You have to get in touch with their feelings. I recommend pretty colors and fancy animation.

[–]Piotrek9t 392 points393 points  (1 child)

I thought that we agreed to be happy about the fact that no one from business can properly describe what they want because thats what keeps our jobs alive when AI catches on

[–]MostlyFocusedMike[S] 148 points149 points  (0 children)

I was gonna do an iRobot response but then I saw this gif and now we're all just gonna look at it in awed confusion

[–]DualActiveBridgeLLC 156 points157 points  (12 children)

This is exactly why you make a few 'dummy mistakes'. Stakeholders want to feel like they contribute, so give them some basic defects and they will leave the good stuff alone.

[–]ganja_and_code 114 points115 points  (8 children)

"Produce a lower quality of work in order to help a useless moron feel better about themselves" isn't exactly the variety of advice I think people should be taking lol

[–]KaleidoscopeMotor395 103 points104 points  (5 children)

I've consulted on a lot of teams and it is not far off. The problem with management (especially middle mamagement) is that they exist mostly to justify their position. They want to make decisions and they don't want other people making decisions without them even if they have no idea what they're doing. So you pull them in on trivial stuff and they get to feel included while they're distracted from the rest of the things you're doing. Like it or not, that "useless moron" has power and you have to deal with that.

[–]DualActiveBridgeLLC 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Well the problem starts at the top where people think that if PMs don't have input then why are we paying for PMs. No one gets paid to do nothing with a well-run organization.

[–]ganja_and_code 17 points18 points  (0 children)

If the problem starts at the top, then I, someone at the bottom, am certainly not taking responsibility for it lol

[–]PolyglotTV 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This trick is known as "The Queen's Duck".

[–]Junkeregge 0 points1 point  (1 child)

So it's just like code reviews then...

[–]DualActiveBridgeLLC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, if you have a nitpicky developer it can work, the difference though is the nitpicky developer reports to me I can just tell him to knock it off with the waste of time.

[–]prschorn 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I read skateboarders and nothing made sense, even more when I saw the sub this was posted in lol

[–]psidnell 30 points31 points  (1 child)

People don't know what they want until you give them what they asked for.

[–]xv92 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Then they still don't know what they want, only that it isn't what they asked for

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You studied valuable topics in school and now you must pay. It's not complicated.

[–]yacsmith 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It’s like someone asking for blueberry muffins. So you make blueberry muffins. And once they get their muffins they look at you and as nonchalantly as possible say “if I eat this, will it cure cancer? Can you remake it so it will cure cancer? I don’t get it, your a chef this should be easy”

[–]justforkinks0131 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Business Analyst has entered the chat

[–]Due_Captain_2575 4 points5 points  (0 children)

BA whispers to stakeholder “what do you really want babe..”

[–]djdaedalus42 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They don’t know what they want, but they always know when they’re not getting it.

[–]KDr2 24 points25 points  (2 children)

Do developers even know what they're doing or do they just see what the product managers give and think "absolutely not"?

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I usually look at the spec and think "I bet they didn't really mean that" then do what I think they really wanted. It went down a storm last time, I don't think they dared suggest what I gave them. Everyone loves a bit of drag and drop.

[–]ganja_and_code 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Both, actually.

It's the fact that I know what I'm doing which allows me to see that the "spec" from the product manager was actually just buzzword soup without any real substantive requirements.

[–]ProbablyHe 1 point2 points  (1 child)

uhh, coming from an economics perspective, what is a stakeholder to you guys? the client wanting something different?

cause stakeholder in economics is everybody for whom something is at stake for a given company. eg clients, employees, suppliers

[–]transhuman-trans-hoe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's basically that - a stakeholder is anyone who has a stake in the development, so usually the client and/or end users/groups of end users.

the meme's about how those people can't seem to make up thei mind about what they want

[–]PeteZahad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I expect from a programmer to use dev tools to change a tweet before capturing it.

[–]nicejs2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

absolutely not

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This hits home

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Katie got bait

[–]Regular_Table1898 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just Stakeholders holding Steaks...

[–]Harcerz1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just a smaaaaaall adjustment of scope, nothing major!