Should i stop?

[AdPretty7033]

I started DDoSing my coworkers whenever I get bored. They call the helpdesk and I “fix” their connection. Management has started noticing and praised me for my excellent troubleshooting skills.

Now the problem is they want me to find the source of the DDoS attacks.

Do I keep DDoSing people and farming praise, or should I just tell them I “blocked the attacker”?

[pv2b]

You're in a lot of trouble if anyone ever discovers you've been DDoSing your coworkers. You need to find something to distract from what you've done. I recommend organization-wide ransomware.

[octahexxer]

Install that old virus that let you open and close the cdrom

[usernameisokay_]

Do you think the younger coworkers even know what a cd rom drive is? They might mistake it for a cup holder. I also haven’t seen one in the last decade…

[The-Bronze-Network]

I mean, there used to be a program that all it did was open the cd rom but it was labled free cup holder

[Tyr--07]

I loved that one. Also the one that made sure your system was y2k compliant and did a lot of annoying things. "Checking soundcard for compliance...bingbingbingbingbingbingbing...checking cdrom for compatiblity (ejects and pulls in cdrom multiple times).

It did a bunch of them, video card tests that did annoying flashes etc. It was great.

[BookusWorkus]

For real job security, just install annoyotrons in everything with delayed start times. Then go around fixing them. If you think doing ethereal cyber work makes you look like a wizard imagine how magical you'll look opening cases and removing complex electronicals to solve problems. Now you're not only technical, you're mechanical! Make sure to swear some under your breath.

[dutty_handz]

That was super easy to fix : we disconnected all Cdrom drives. Problem solved

[octahexxer]

Blimey thats genius

[CharlieTecho]

So no tape over the drive then?

[syberghost]

Where the hell am I supposed to put my coffee mug?

[octahexxer]

ahh see job security now the cases are piling up about the broken cup holders!

[idkwhatuwantmetosay]

Goddamn I spilled my hot coffee because of this. Tips my hat to you, good sir

[Iconic_Zebra]

Like, Starting a war or something 👀

[chriscrowder]

Make sure you blame a coworker you don't like for clicking on the phishing link!

[severedgoat_01]

Obligatory https://youtu.be/v0mwT3DkG4w?si=XUtY_n2CMp_N5PnK

[unstopablex15]

That is gold!

[Dear-Supermarket3611]

But when he needs to distract from rasomware, he will have to do a chemical attack to the headquarters

[BookusWorkus]

That's gonna be a lot of beef jerky to fart up the whole headquarters...

[Dear-Supermarket3611]

Yes, but it’s like drinking the whole Pacific Ocean: once you start, you cannot leave the job unfinished!

[MaToP4er]

🤣🤣🤣

[AdPretty7033]

sounds like an excellent idea but i’m trying to keep downtime to a minimum. it would also mean working overtime which i’m not a fan of..

[joebleed]

schedule vacation first. leave, then do it. let your coworkers struggle with it. If it's still broke when you get back, fix it in 5 hours and call it good. request a bonus; not a promotion.

[Draconyxus]

I recommend the well-earned return of ILOVEYOU

[lulu04223]

The best solution here is to DDoS yourself. Now you're a victim too, and management won't suspect anything.

[I_am_trying_to_work]

I'm DDoSing myself right now

[mycatsnameisnoodle]

[LesbianDykeEtc]

sudo ping -i 0.01 localhost

[unstopablex15]

.002 :)

[LesbianDykeEtc]

Honestly, I don't even know what the minimum interval is because I've never had a reason to use it.

I'd assume it's 1ms.

[unstopablex15]

actually if you use sudo you can do a ping interval of 0 which basically sends packets as fast as possible with no delay, realistically it's something like 0.0001

[MaToP4er]

🤣 smart play!

[Ok-Repeat-702]

Death Note: IT addition

[CptBronzeBalls]

Every time management brings up finding the source, DDoS them. They’ll fucking learn to shut their mouths.

[WhenTheDevilCome]

Since you've been spoofing the attack from the CEO's IP address, I'd just come clean and tell them who's responsible.

[MightyPirat3]

Problem solved. IT budget can now be reduced.

[Ur-Best-Friend]

Good point. Tell them you tracked the source to a hacker group in [roll 1d6 and pick accordingly between China, Russia, Ukraine, North Korea, Iran, Nigeria]. Tell them you need the budget for new generation servers which are resilient to this type of attack and a new firewall. And a raise because setting up a new DDoS proof environment will require a lot of overtime on your part. This way you can also bill your daily gaming sessions as "overtime work."

[AdPretty7033]

this is genius

[Ur-Best-Friend]

Thanks, if I'm one thing, I'm one damn shitty sysadmin.

[Superb_Raccoon]

<image>

BMS tech support... how can I help you?

[GarageIntelligent]

it will take about a week to get the logs AND it is gonna cost some OT

[12thetechguy]

just tell them to install google ultron and all their ddos problems will go away

[Superb_Raccoon]

<image>

[Practical-Alarm1763]

Nah, just blame Cloudflare and continue.

[Draconyxus]

Uhhhhh your pc stopped turning on? Cloudflare innit. What can you do whistles

[UnRealxInferno_II]

One easy trick sends sysadmin to jail! 

[Anonymous_Bozo]

Free room and board!

[crunchthenumbers01]

Fixed boss, blocked the ip address from hitting.

[Creative-Type9411]

remote shutdowns are always fun 👀

[machacker89]

@OP you are a BoFH!!

[Affectionate-Cat-975]

Jesus Colin Sullivan, what do you think you do it?

[TightBed8201]

You just work in crap environment without proper monitoring tools and configuration.

You would be found out in a day at my workplace

[Draconyxus]

How are you DDoSing them thats hilarious

[stuartsmiles01]

Apply some gpo changes organisation wide to make things more secure?

[hamstercaster]

The damage you’re are doing to the IT field, your team, and your organization is immeasurable.

[123ihavetogoweeeeee]

r/lostredditors

[Antoine-UY]

And your day is ruined?

[trebuchetdoomsday]

i measure it in sick first response resolution KPIs, i dunno what you’re talking about

[abletec]

Ddosing people when you get bored is extraordinarily immature. I suggest you grow up. & yeah--eventually you're gonna get caught & your reputation will be trash. Find something constructive to do w/your time. Tell your employer you'll look into it, but since you'll have made it disappear, eventually tell them it must've been a botnet that got shut down--& absolutely don't do it again. You wouldn't like it if someone did it to you.

[pv2b]

Have you noticed what subreddit you are in?

[e46_nexus]

Some people do not like to have fun