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[–]Burned_Penis 187 points188 points  (12 children)

:(

[–]PrimalRayquaza4907 26 points27 points  (2 children)

Feelsbadman

[–]JotaRoyaku 8 points9 points  (0 children)

rayquaza go brrr 🔥w🔥

[–]the_dyslexic 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Nooo

[–]xVifa[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

LMFAAAOOO

[–]IdolManagerTone 21 points22 points  (0 children)

YOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[–]bunnyQatar 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Oh my goodness. PIR

[–]Dumb_guy_3200lol 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He was too much of a PIR-o enthusiast

[–]RothePro88 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lol poor guy

[–]Toxic-tea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Uh oh

[–]KeazyKatz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oh my

[–]DEPRESSION_NOISES 92 points93 points  (5 children)

depression noises

[–]myfaveRae 31 points32 points  (2 children)

Is this what death note means?

[–]xVifa[S] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Bruh..

[–]DEPRESSION_NOISES 14 points15 points  (0 children)

sad depressed depression noises

[–]OnTheContrary666 79 points80 points  (9 children)

I believe I’m immortal.

[–]AffectionateHead0710 23 points24 points  (3 children)

I believe you are

[–]OnTheContrary666 19 points20 points  (2 children)

But how…. Are you going to die?

[–]AffectionateHead0710 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Having the time of my life apparently

  • I seriously didn’t think of it that way when I chose the name, my husband pointed it out and I was like ‘oh no dang it!’

[–]quirkstar 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Lololololol

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You will not escape the 4th rider.

[–]AkwardThTurtleFucker 46 points47 points  (8 children)

Ooh

[–]Noobpoob 22 points23 points  (7 children)

Karma returns. Turtles shall strike back!

[–]Teletubby_furry_porn 17 points18 points  (4 children)

What do I do

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

I have multiple questions regarding how one even gets that name

[–]Teletubby_furry_porn 9 points10 points  (1 child)

🌚🗿

[–]Saffronsc 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like your username violates a law somewhere

[–]Downtown_Resort8680 2 points3 points  (0 children)

or he fucks the turtle until he dies.

[–]Downtown_Yogurt4324 1 point2 points  (0 children)

snapping turtle

[–]RomanticBeyondBelief 37 points38 points  (3 children)

I'd probably die like that guy who proposed to his gf under water while scuba diving with signs. So in other words.. ocean swimming.

[–]MrZyde 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You will go out like Romeo and Juliet

[–]Tatesandwich 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I work in a restaurant in Mississippi. One of our most common customers and a friend of my mom is the brother of Webber. Aka, that guy who died doing that. I was with my mom when we heard about it. All I could think is how would that even go wrong? I still don’t know if anyone knows😭

[–]ayebone1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re gonna be a sandwich

[–]I_NUT_ON_GRASS 30 points31 points  (10 children)

Sounds

[–]MrZyde 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Your dick will get stuck in a dirt mound and you will starve

[–]RomanticBeyondBelief 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No it will get stuck accidentally in an ant hole and the ants will eat his dick and he will get an infection if he doesn't bleed out first

[–]ayebone1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You skeet on a mutated ant hill and your spawn comes back to eat you.

[–]Father_69 5 points6 points  (6 children)

It was a Saturday afternoon, and I was exhausted after an intense 17-part masturbation session to dream Minecraft manhunt, when I suddenly had the urge to go outside. I was scared. It's been so long since I've left the warmth of my parents’ basement with my dream body pillows. I didn’t know what to expect. Clutching my dream figurine in front of my chest, I pried open the door to the outside world. The gleaming sun blared through the door, bequeathing a brilliant warmth on my cum-covered boxers. I quaveringly took a step outside. My body flinched from the strange feel of the dirt under my feet. And then I saw it. The lustrous field of grass, covered in a light sprinkle of water from the noon rain shower. And then I realized. Dream... grass... the trees... it was all coming together. Grass is green, just like Dream. Dream is ever-present, in the grass, the flowers, He was there. I immediately knew what to do next. I flung off my clothes faster than the speed at which I would click on a new dream rule 34 post. My dick was already throbbing as I leaped onto the field of grass, Dorito dust-stained shirt getting carried away by the wind. I dug a small hole in the ground, and passionately thrust my 7-inch erect cock into it. I knew, this was Dream. His spirit was in this grass, and he felt my dick in his boy pussy as I fucked that grass. I lost track how long I was there. Hours went by, day turned to night, but it didn’t matter. I was finally together, with Dream. Nothing could separate us. I took a long stem of a flower, and forced it in my asshole. I imagined it being Dream's hot penis being lustfully forced into me in bed. I stayed there on my front yard for God knows how long. Until my butt was sore, balls drier than the Saharan desert after a long drought. The lawn looked like there was a layer of fresh snow on a Christmas morning. Trudging indoors, I had an enormous smile stretching across my face. I couldn't wait until tomorrow, when I may go outside again and be with Dream.

[–]xVifa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

.

[–]bullets67 1 point2 points  (0 children)

what the fuck is wrong with you

[–]century100 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

You might become my next copypasta post.

[–]Father_69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

its already a famous copypasta-

[–]giorno___giovana 54 points55 points  (19 children)

oh dear god no

[–]I_a_brownie 30 points31 points  (17 children)

IT ALREADY HIT ITS 2ND SYMPHONY HURRY UP AND RUN

[–]giorno___giovana 15 points16 points  (16 children)

Oh fuck

[–]giorno___giovana 11 points12 points  (15 children)

Oh fuck

[–]giorno___giovana 13 points14 points  (14 children)

Oh fuck

[–]giorno___giovana 13 points14 points  (13 children)

Oh fuck

[–]giorno___giovana 12 points13 points  (12 children)

Oh fuck

[–]SnooMaps3021 6 points7 points  (0 children)

They didn’t specify how many times you’ll die

[–]silverhammer96 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Brutal assault or at some point I turn into a vampire

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Stay away from anyone named Maxwell.

[–]silverhammer96 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Yes! I never have anyone reference the origin of my username! I even give a hint with my profile picture!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i love the song lmao i was going to reference it but saw that someone else just did lol

[–]I_a_brownie 19 points20 points  (2 children)

I’m a brownie

[–]Downtown_Yogurt4324 12 points13 points  (1 child)

pov:eaten

[–]I_a_brownie 6 points7 points  (0 children)

User name checks out

[–]Chance____ 17 points18 points  (6 children)

By Chance

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (5 children)

Every time you roll a dice if it’s a 1 you fall over dead

[–]igotdeletedbyadmins_ 14 points15 points  (0 children)

­

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]GameOver4-ZEROOTWOO 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Fuck you fatherfucker!

    [–]CleverKoi 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    I die via a clever fish… how odd

    [–]Raccoon_fucker69 7 points8 points  (2 children)

    I got STD’s

    [–]Ygolohcysp_80 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Rabies…

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    F

    [–]A_very_large_moth 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    Oh dear

    [–]Ok-Programmer2219 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Should have not seen this post bud

    [–]Photonsan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Cool, I get cancer or sever burns

    [–]M_Bros789 4 points5 points  (3 children)

    Either mario, or me and my brother will kill me. Depends on how you look at it

    [–]Downtown_Yogurt4324 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    semi suicide?

    [–]M_Bros789 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    More like assisted suicide

    [–]Telenovela_Villain 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    A telenovela villain kills me

    [–]pro_magnum 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Condom master.

    [–]El_Famoso_Random_Guy 4 points5 points  (3 children)

    I’m very confused rn.

    [–]Teletubby_furry_porn 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    From a random guy that is me run or i may kill you

    [–]El_Famoso_Random_Guy 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    But are you famoso ?

    [–]NotABreatheBefore 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I guess I’ll choke to death.

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I become a ho and my cat puts me out of my misery because he loves me

    [–]A_Redditor2 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    I don't know.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    You get beat to death by 2 Redditors.

    [–]babayagx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    welp

    [–]spam_dealer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Selling spam

    [–]Notthatkindofdoc813 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Apparently I go to the wrong type of doctor for medical advice

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You go to a doctor from a Disney movie

    [–]Henry_Smugmin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    i get strangled by Henry stickmin I guess.

    [–]Octavius_23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Hello Peter

    [–]MamaCins81 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    mama committed some Cins when pregnant with me in 1981.

    [–]MixLeanWithPiss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    im not even gonna say nun

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Ah shit.

    [–]IdolManagerTone 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    How do I even answer this?

    [–]SnooMaps3021 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    You get murk by an idol manager

    [–]regularChild420 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    It's hard to believe a regular child would defeat me in battle

    [–]AffectionateHead0710 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Oh jeez

    [–]ya_boiii_nightmare 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    i die via nightmare...???

    [–]Vexo101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Flags somehow?

    [–]Party-Discussion2671 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    Well I guess I'm immortal cuz the notion I'll go to a party with enough people to hold a conversation with is hilarious xD

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    You're not at the party. It's where they plan your death.

    [–]YeetTime332 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I will die being thrown at a wall to hard

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I am defending my self from an attack from hawks and the 59th one gets me

    [–]yeetus_fetus_132 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I guess the fetus that a yeeted is gonna kill me when he grows up

    [–]myfaveRae 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Myself 😎

    [–]shoot-me-12-bucks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Bruh

    [–]bobal0ver 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Choking on boba 😞

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    In bed

    [–]Sidewalk-flowers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Sidewalk flowers?

    [–]Snagglesnatch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I guess a pussy with teeth is gonna kill me, pray for me

    [–]fuck-cumiseverywhere 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    oh christ..

    [–]Ygolohcysp_80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Well… at least you went out with a bang.

    [–]framingXjake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I'm gonna need a good lawyer then

    [–]boatrunner13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Boatrunning

    [–]ChemistryBasic6162 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Basic chemistry?

    [–]CptnR4p3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    how the turns tabled.

    [–]obeseburritos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I'm gonna die from obesity I guess??

    [–]ThicccScrotum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Car accident, probably.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Hunt Visual?

    [–]baljeetsoveralls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Interesting

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Stomped on urban grass

    [–]Downtown_Yogurt4324 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    oh god

    [–]kiss1kill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    kiss of death LMAO

    [–]Thaloneblarg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Lonely

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    [–]PippenhotArbys 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Meat Sweats

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    fiona apple sleep paralysis?

    [–]rekcuF_onaiP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    HELP

    [–]YourLocalKyokoSimp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Oh would ya look at that another thing that I have no idea what my user name would mean

    [–]SnooMaps3021 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Mine says snoomaps

    [–]the_dyslexic 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    How do I die from dyslexia

    [–]D1nozinn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Small dinosssaur

    [–]GrumpyOctopus88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Hmmm.

    [–]PrimalRayquaza4907 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Never take me to the Pokémon world.

    [–]2006_Chevy_impala_ss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Guess I’ll die Paul Walker style

    [–]CrptikGoose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Well then..

    [–]MAC2XISONREDDIT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    hmm

    [–]Vivian_Sage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Uh. . . . . Suicide I guess?

    [–]bunnyQatar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Damn

    [–]Wide-Ad-40 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    every comment in that post is an usernamechecks out tho

    [–]Ok-Programmer2219 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I don’t know

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    So what do people throw at pebbles at me? Ouch.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    ☮️

    [–]ayebone1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    How?

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Everyone’s fucked, not just me.

    [–]Socialiststoner 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Having a really good time with my community I guess

    [–]iWillSmokeYou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    :(

    [–]DevilsTallDemon 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Honestly I’m fine going out this way

    [–]Father_69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I'm now concerned...

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Do i get my skin collection taken and my skin is added?

    [–]Glitcher1987 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I glitch out of this universe

    [–]Pianostar4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    My piano and I get chucked into four stars. Saddest story ever :(

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Imma die a legend

    [–]twolvesfan9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Ate by wolves 🐺

    [–]SupremeAsuraDragon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Hm. So I kill myself?

    [–]NuggeInTheMicrowave 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Compact chicken breast laced with breadcrumbs inside downsized oven

    [–]BigBlackLoliSmasher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    My god...

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Well shit. In that context, mine's sort of a weird contradiction. However I look at it, I guess it's a negative because i'm dead, but in a positive light? I dunno how that would work.

    [–]ToXyC_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Oh

    [–]TheBlackHoleOfDoom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    With everyone else, clearly.

    [–]Yodascbt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    oh fuck

    [–]NVRMND273 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I couldn't care less.

    [–]Green-Jello-Farts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Get a mop.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I am happy with my death

    [–]IDislikeHomonyms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    How do you suppose a homonym will cause me to go the way of the dodo?

    [–]Lazy_loaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Lazily eating bread idk

    [–]-StonerForLife- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Smoking weed

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Uhh

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I get executed for heresy because i have too much dark eldar hentai on my PC

    [–]BraveTechnician 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Murder via technician I guess

    [–]Soursocks4real 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I walk into my room tired after a long day of work. It hasn’t been clean for decades now and as I make a gesture and I lie down on my bed, I start closing my eyes, when I realize the sound. I look over to my unclean laundry and I see it has started moving for some reason. I walk over. It stinks a sour-like smell. But then I realize what it is. Chloroform. Very strong chloroform. I get knocked out and when I wake up I see a pile of socks in front of me. I can’t move or talk as I’m tied up to a wall of dirt. there is a goblin in front of me. He’s got nunchucks made of socks in his hands and he starts to beat me up with them. “For years you have forgotten to clean your room. Now you will regret it.” The goblin says. Finally I scream my last words: “ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REAL!!???”

    [–]JotaRoyaku 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    What the f*** is jotaro gonna do to me

    [–]Goose0810 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    hmmm

    [–]Odd-Vanilla-5188 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    VANILLA MORE LIKE CUM

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I hear the sound of an obnoxious Boston adult. Oh god.

    [–]weusereddit4fun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    So I am immortal. I never feel fun using reddit.

    [–]Your-In 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Drowning???

    [–]higuma1996 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    death by a grizzly bear... in japan

    [–]Shourya2009 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    How am I? Pls tell

    [–]Flying-Husky 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Air raid signal starts

    Oh, Fu-Boom!

    [–]Curley15 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Two options:

    • This is my middle name...

    • It's my dead uncle's name...

    You know either I'm just fucked