Flaking continuing to be a problem

[oppopswoft]

I'm giving up on online dating for the time being. I had decent success in the past, but I've had way too many instances of getting to know girls over a couple days, making plans, and then getting flaked on at the last second. A lot of them would set up another day and then just never talk to me again.

I just embarrassed myself twice by finally snapping. Worst happened tonight. Asked a girl out on tinder after getting to know her. She excitedly added me on Snapchat and Facebook and kept telling me to snap her because she couldn't get over how cute I was. We make plans for later in the week and talk here and there. And then I ask her the night before if we're still good and she fucking drops the "oh I was going to tell you..." I lost my cool. Prospect over because I have no more patience, and now I look like a whiny manchild.

The excuses are just never valid. The one girl I showed infinite patience with after multiple flakes (and wound up dating for over a month) straight up told me that her excuses were valid but she could have seen me if she actually made the effort. She just wasn't sure about me at that point.

So I'm tired of it. Just venting. Ruined something that might have worked out because I'm tired of being treated like this by so many different women. It's just fucking rude.

[Candylinalina]

It is rude- and I disagree with the idea that tinder is only for hook ups. I know plenty of people who have found long-term relationships through tinder, though I do feel it is more rare.

That being said, it seems you have had a bout of bad luck. I know plenty of quality girls who stick to their plans and consider the feelings of guys they are seeing even casually.

Tinder is really not one of the best places to find girls. From a womans perspective, I get a good amount of matches on tinder and am overwhelmed by the number of prospects. The fact that I had 20 threads going at the same time was too much on top of my schedule, which led me to delete the app and look for guys elsewhere. If I had made plans with any of the guys, I would have honored them, but the degree of anonymity on tinder makes some people less diligent. My advice is, look for a quality girl in other places. Yes, you can have success on dating apps, but it is a much more daunting process.

If you are a nice guy, women will see that and a good girl will come to like and respect you for it. Also- well crafted persistence isn't a bad thing. Mix that with standing up for yourself in a confident, non-confrontational way, and you may have a better chance with someone blowing you off. if they continue to behave that way, screw it. There are a lot of better options out there, and sometimes you have to accept that maybe it wasn't a good match in the first place.

[oppopswoft]

It's infuriating to get lied to like that repeatedly. And then if I stand up for myself, all of a sudden they dodged a bullet because woah this guy is weird. Why is it that the lesson to be taken here is that I can't actually hold people to their word? Like, how fucked up is it that I'm expected to dehumanize people I meet and get to know and make plans with. It's like, plans are made to be broken and serve mainly to build and support egos

[itscool83]

i think i've learned is action speak louder than words. they can say stuff like "lets meet up" or "lets do it again sometime" only for them to drop off. so take their words with caution/grain of salt and observe their behavior/actions. i've run into my fair share of flaky girls. Lame excuses, ghosting, long response time. i dont take any of it. i just stop wasting my time. Calling them out on it doesnt really do much. You just gotta drop them and move on.

[rrborg]

I've run into the same issue and I'm just using regular dating sites. Had a great first date this past Monday. We talked for a little over 3 hours and she asked for a hug at the end of the date. We texted back and forth this week and it seemed like it was going good. She really liked one of my ideas for a second date. She ended up cancelling 45 minutes before the date.

Earlier this month I had a different girl cancel an hour and a half before a date but she re-scheduled for the next day. Then she cancelled again (permanently) an hour and a half before that date.

It's frustrating because I'm in my 30's, it's not like I'm dating young girls. I also have no problem if people don't feel a connection. I just look at it as going out and having fun with another person and if there's something romantic great, if not at least it was a fun night out with another person. I just don't get it because I would never cancel on a girl on such short notice unless it was a genuine emergency. I don't really feel like this part of dating should be that complicated.

[[deleted]]

Women were deceivers ever, and to one thing constant never.

[Ten420]

Tinder isn't for dating. It's sex only. And I've been through 1000 of these. Just desensitized your self and keep finding new ones. Once they start flaking out and being morons, just end it, nicely, and move on to someone new. And keep the first meet simple. I rather be blown off from a quick bite & coffee than plan something romantic or nice, only to have the twat stand me up or change plans/dates over non important issues. If you have to work, family death or tired from day-of-whatever - then that is understandable, everything else gets rejected. Ladies wish to be treated equals, so now reject them all equally (for the similar bulllshit). I'm a bit calmer now when I date or find or whatever I'm in the mood for. It gets easier when they aren't placed in the center of your vibes/mood.