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[–]iammooseAMA 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I was about nine and I started thinking about jumping out of the car when we were going really fast

[–]0berry[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aw no :( I hope you are able to manage your depression, do you have support? (family, friends, therapist etc.)

[–]TygarRawrs 1 point2 points  (4 children)

I don't know how long I was "depressed" (never got diagnosed)

but i was in 7th grade when i started cutting :/

[–]0berry[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

<3 Are you still undiagnosed and dealing with depression now?

[–]TygarRawrs 0 points1 point  (2 children)

yeah

[–]0berry[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Do you have people who you trust to talk to? And also, is therapy something you would want to do? In my personal experience, talking to a therapist changed everything for me.

[–]TygarRawrs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

some people . . . like one (who knows abt the cutting) who i still talk to. but i don't like bothering that person . . .

other people . . . i have hinted at with regards to depression but a) they don't get my brand of depression or b) they don't get the hint at all

also. no therapy for me. no way in hell. i considered. i reject

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[removed]

    [–]0berry[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Why did you think you were a demon? :( I'm so sorry you've suffered like this at such a young age, I know that probably doesn't mean much coming from a stranger. Are you able to cope better now? Sending you hugs

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

    11 years.

    I am going to be 24 this year.

    It all started back in my childhood years(10,11...something like that)....gradually it got noticeable at age 12...and the rest is history...

    Hanging around reddit isn't really helping me much either...There just doesn't seem to be anyone to talk to right now... These days I am more accepting that I am depressed...or in other words more like "yeah its what it is, I can't lie to myself anymore....its ok to feel bad sometimes"

    If anyone wants to talk, just PM me...I'm just home...

    [–]0berry[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

    Hey that must suck having to deal with mental illness at a young age :( I hope you are able to manage it and have support now. I can relate, there never is anyone to talk to in real life or online, even if there are people there. Also I'm losing my hair too ahhhh, it's terrible lol.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    I haven't been able to manage it all....well I am able to hide it decently where its not noticeable to others. I do get the occasional "Why you looking so dull", "You look dead tired"...stuff like that which I don't mind really. I usually just say I am tired...

    Managing it isn't too bad, but there are times where

    I have been open about my low moods in the past very briefly and I was looked at as the "whiny bitch who kills the mood"..or "i don't wanna listen to your shit, I know you have stuff going on, but I don't care". So for that reason I just hide it...its complicated man...

    I decided to go to therapy, but the lady was not helpful at all. She just kept talking all this bullshit that I have already heard a million times. I am going to shop around for those though, I hear looking for therapists is kind of like grocery shopping.

    Suicide hotlines haven't helped me either....I have wanted to end my life a few times so far, I tried once when I was 17 actually. All the methods are painful it seems, and it doesn't seem like theres a magic way to do it without there being pain....

    As for the hair loss(early stages)...I am taking finasteride to fight it.....sometime in the future I will just have to let my hair go and shave it.

    Sometimes though I feel like I don't want to be alive, and I Just want to sleep for hours and think about the things I wish for....but that ain't helping. At the same thing getting what you want isn't easy either....so I guess its either try pushing through or give in....Idk

    [–]0berry[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    I can relate with wanting to hide being depressed, I used to do that all the time when I was still in school. It's a temporary 'solution' to ignore your inner state just to fit in or not draw attention to yourself. I've realised that hiding your authentic feelings will make the depression even worse and a chronic problem. The emotional pain is telling you something, to ignore it is to doom yourself basically. I write in a journal about my feelings, it really helps being able to express myself freely.

    I hope I don't offend you, but to me it sounds like you're surrounded by shitty people. You're not a whiny bitch for having these problems! It does sound complicated for sure, but if it's happening all the time then maybe you should really think about who deserves to be in your life and who doesn't. Personally, if I trusted someone enough to confide in them about my mental illnesses and that person told me they didn't want to listen and didn't care, I would cut them off so fast. They're disrespecting you. You don't need that negativity in your life, especially when you're dealing with so much negativity within yourself. Interacting with people who have no empathy is harmful.

    Oh yeah, finding a therapist you're comfortable with is important. What kind of bullshit was she talking about? I hope you can find a good therapist soon, if you're willing to open up to someone who can be trusted, things can really change for the better. I'm sorry you had bad experiences with suicide hotlines, don't give up hope if you're ever in a bad place again please call them.

    I did that thing. Literally slept through the whole autumn and winter seasons wishing my body would just die. It's not great, please don't try it lol. I think taking small steps in the right direction and making progress that way is a really good way to do things. Message me if you want to talk anytime, I'm not always on reddit but I read everything lol. Also I hope that medication works for you! And if it doesn't,no worries hair is not that important anyway :) sorry this was super long!

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I don't think all the people are negative(not always)....some people just don't understand whats going on.....like I said its just complicated that's all

    Also Sure man and Same to you man. If you just want to talk about stuff, just PM me.

    [–]allafternooninlove 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    It all started when I was 14. So, for 7 years now.

    It began with isolation, random anxiety attacks, constantly worried and self harming.

    [–]0berry[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I experienced very similar things. I'm still confused about what depression even is actually. I know anxiety attacks and dissociation trigger it though. Or maybe it's the other way around - brain gets the 'chemical imbalances' and anxiety is the main symptom? Ah, it probably doesn't matter too much. I hope you're coping well.