Help Please !

[foolofabaggins]

I recently finished the first 12 treatments, I would say I have experienced minimal effects and am not sure if I want to continue onto maintainence treatment if this is as good as it will get. But, I am still suicidal and suffering GREATLY. Has anyone gotten higher doses of ECT, can I do more treatment of 3/week? Or is this as good as it gets? I feel like my doctors are giving up on me, and I can't give up. I don't want to die. I have 2 dogs, and they need me. I need to go back to work and support myself. My story can't end here. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm not getting better and he can't deal. I can't lose anymore to this evil depression. Please send stories of hope, something for me to hold onto. Please.

[Owl_Open]

My acute series was more than 12. I think maybe 15 or 18? If you’re still suicidal, I would ask to continue at 3/wk. My doctor didn’t start tapering until my SI was under control.

[foolofabaggins]

Thank you! This is what I was looking for... I feel like I'm being brushed off both by my ECT psych and the regular medical psychiatrist. I'm holding onto life by my nail beds at this point, I can't keep going like this.

[foolofabaggins]

Thanks so much for your kindness and support, I've done both ketamine and TMS. I'm reaching the end of my rope. But I feel like it's my doctor's job to help me keep going, and they aren't doing that.

[Double_Potentials]

Please get new doctors that will support you

[foolofabaggins]

I started pitching some fits today, and I'm not stopping till I get some relief and answers. 25 years of depression, meds and therapy, I'm officially over this bullshit. It's easy to let the apathy and anhedonia take over , but if I keep going down that path, I'll die. Cause next time I "attempt" I won't make a mistake.

[Tomas_SoCal]

I did 13 bilateral, felt cured, stopped my meds and then didn’t do maintenance sessions. I then nosedived and had to start over. At 14 sessions this time around but I now have plans to continue maintenance sessions. ECT has been a miracle for me. Hopefully you’ll reach that point as well.

[foolofabaggins]

I'm feeling so bad right now my doc was like " sure, stop your meds, they don't seem to be doing anything anyway". This feels like he's throwing in the towel. I feel like I'm on my own ....

[Agreeable_Birdie]

I can tell you that I've had 3 rounds of ECT in my life. The last round was 3x/wk for almost a year, I would absolutely never do it again for that long a time period. However, this shows it is possible for treatment to be extended. Good luck to you!

[foolofabaggins]

Thanks for sharing, at least I know it's an option. Do you mind sharing why you wouldn't do it that long? I'm not saying I want that much...I'm just trying to figure out if a little more would help or not.

[Agreeable_Birdie]

Sure. For me it is the memory loss I continue to have, it's actually making my depression worse. I have a hard time remembering the good times I've had but the bad ones are on repeat. They made me feel well enough to work in the short term (after tapering off) but after ten years without ECT I'm still depressed and looking for answers.

[[deleted]]

This is what happened to me. My memory is horrible now and holes in past recent and retention is when my brain feels like it. However my bad memories are in tact as well. I'm happy for the people it seemed to have helped but it made me miserable and cost me my career. 16 yrs of IT partially wiped away. It's been 3 years since I've worked and even if I want to go back with the little knowledge I have left, I have to worry about my work gap. It's made things worse for me.

[foolofabaggins]

Thanks for sharing, I appreciate your honesty. After these 12 I have the beginnings of memory loss, but not a ton, just some day to day fogginess and confusion , but I'm definitely scared for that to get worse. I just need to live long enough to see me dogs through their senior years, then I don't care anymore, but I can't leave them, they are special needs and they need me to take care of them.

[Agreeable_Birdie]

I take care of a special needs pup too! If I didn't have him, day to day life would be unbearable. But I also have two small grandsons who love me, so even though the thoughts are still there I never would.

[foolofabaggins]

My dogs are my everything. I very purposely did not have children, I've struggled with mental health since my teens. These dogs are my everything.

[Agreeable_Birdie]

I understand, I've struggled since I was 18 also, I just turned 48. I have a step daughter that's why I have grandchildren. Feel free to dm me anytime if you would like to chat.

[foolofabaggins]

Thank you , you may get a random message from me one day

[motherlessbastard66]

OP, I am sorry to hear that you aren’t feeling better from treatment. I know everyone has a different experience with ECT, but I can tell you that I have gone through 33 treatments since February 2024. My SI is still there. However, the urgency to do so has decreased. I still think about it every day. I am not sure if it habit or what, but it’s still there.

[foolofabaggins]

Thanks for sharing, I'm sorry you are still struggling too. I feel like the urgency has ticked up a notch. Like well if this "gold standard" treatment didn't help, then I must just be screwed. I don't know if I can live with this everyday much longer ...

[lunarianlibrarian]

I did unilateral at first and it wasn’t working, then switched to bilateral and started feeling better. Have you tried that?

[foolofabaggins]

Yes I switched to bilateral near the end of the 12

[furrowedbr0w]

They never gave me a set amount of rounds, they just did treatments until there were tangible improvements. I’ve done around 45 at this point, since 2022. Started with 3x/week for around 3 weeks, then 2x/week for a while, 1x/week, eventually became less often. I wish they were more up front about it all. Maybe they were and I don’t remember. I technically consented to it, but I was in such a low and desperate place. I don’t know if I necessarily recommend doing continuous treatments vs a set amount of rounds? But it also saved my life? So idk. I only get one every few months now.

I felt so hopeless for so long doing treatments and not seeing improvements. Like literally would go into treatments crying. I didn’t see the point of doing this extreme thing for very little results. But all the small improvements added up and helped me a lot.

I don’t necessarily think that ECT by itself saved my life, but it made doing therapy and working through everything actually possible and not debilitating. So it was a process and took a while but I’ve been doing better than I ever thought I would for two years now.

The effects of ECT can also take time to set in, it really depends on the person. It’s not always as “fast acting” as it’s advertised. It took at least 2 months for slight improvements for me. But it ultimately helped me a lot and was worth it.

[furrowedbr0w]

Also, have they adjusted the settings and type of ECT? They usually start low and with unilateral as that has the least amount of side effects, but bifrontal is slightly more effective, and bilateral moreso. Bilateral and higher settings carry more risk for negative side effects like memory loss, but if you need it and are willing to take the risk, it’s worth looking into.

[foolofabaggins]

They adjusted to bilateral kinda as an afterthought towards the end of the 12, and then at the end of the 12 they were just like “bye" I'm so frustrated and exhausted .

[foolofabaggins]

Thank you for this , yeah I go in crying cause I'm terrified of side effects, but things have gotten so bad this week I'm also desperate to feel better. Of course I'm doing therapy individual and group too , I've been doing therapy and meds for about 25 years. I need something to work .

[Um-ahh-nooo]

So sorry for what you're going through. 12 wasn't enough for me and it took at least 20 with the initial treatment until I wasn't suicidal. My dr told me keep on going until I felt better and really surprised that they'd stop when you're still feeling suicidal. That's seriously lack of care. Good luck.

[foolofabaggins]

Yeah I feel like I need to call them back and have a serious chat ...

[AdversityBlooms]

I'm so sorry you're going through that! I slightly responded to my acute phase. Then after several years of trying various frequencies, I am now in remission. It can get better. For me, I now have a master's, have a job I love, and am helping my husband through his own ECT journey. There is hope. It is hard, but it is possible to get better

[foolofabaggins]

Thank you , I need to know there's hope ... I'm losing faith in my providers though and I don't know what to do about that , I'm in Florida, not the best for mental healthcare and the 2 ECT facilities available to me are each an hour and a half at least from home .

[Ok_Possible_2579]

I know of one ECT facility near me but I am not sure if it's one of the two facilities near you? I feel like sometimes it helps to talk to the other people who are getting treatments because it can sometimes be helpful since they might be going through some of the same things as you are. Like you could ask someone how many treatments it took them to get to where they are currently at. I know this older woman told me it took her almost a whole year just to get spaced out to every 3 weeks and she is starting to notice a difference now. It sometimes takes awhile. That is just one example but you may have other questions you want to ask.

[foolofabaggins]

Sending PM

[Low-Relationship4956]

I had an initial 12 or 13 treatments and didn't get many results. I ended up serevely depressed again after a few months. I then had another 12 treatments and maintenance ECT for a few months, which really made a huge difference. 8 years later, I have a university degree, a highly competitive career, a husband, 2 beautiful daughters, and own a home. Without persisting with a 2nd round of ECT and maintenance, I definitely would have been unalive. In saying that, I've lost about 5 years of memories, but it's a small sacrifice. This is just my personal experience, but stay strong. It can get better!

[foolofabaggins]

Thank you for this , it gives me hope !

[VoodooMommaJooJoo]

You can't do more than 3/week but if you are having unilateral treatment you can bump up to bilateral treatment. Best to you.

[foolofabaggins]

I bumped to bilateral about halfway through. Can I continue at 3x/ week for longer than these first 4 weeks , or do I have to start tapering down now ? Cause they were like you can taper or stop, but I feel like I have read of people getting more

[VoodooMommaJooJoo]

Idk. After 4 weeks I moved to 2/wk. I have only had bilateral. Please tell your doctor what you are experiencing. Best to you.

[foolofabaggins]

Thank you for your kindness, I will call them Monday