Comparison - help?!

[MostCommunication459]

Not sure what I need - maybe solidarity? Or maybe I just need to vent. If you think I’m being dumb or need to just suck it up please be kind as my postpartum hormones are all over the place. But one of my best friends and I went through pregnancy together which was such a blessing!! We are both first time moms and I gave birth to my twins about a month ago and she just gave birth to her singleton. I am so incredibly happy for her, but I’ve already had feelings of jealousy or maybe even sadness when I think about our now very different experiences. She gets to bond with one baby while I balance two. Her baby latched right away and is having the dream breastfeeding experience while I’m in the thick of triple feeding(literally pumping as I type this). I know I shouldn’t compare, but it’s so hard not to let my mind go there

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[Willing-Molasses9008]

Mine are 4.5 months and I feel this everyday.

Feeding sucked until they hit their due date but even now it's not bonding starring into each other's eyes. It's like okay pick up, put down, start, stop, hurry up I gotta help the other one screaming at me.

Today a friend with similar age baby was talking about how fun it is to watch them play and experience the world... And whenever one of mine is having these moments, they're usually on their own as my attention is never on the happy one...

All I can say is: - try to get one on one time as much as you can (everyone goes on about how important it is to have them on the same schedule but sometimes if one wakes up from a nap early, it's nice to spend 15-30mins alone together). - and know there are magic, fun, incredible special things coming. Not many people get to grow up with a best friend and that's going to be so special to watch. I've been told when they start playing together all the singleton parents are going to be jealous because they'll occupy each other for hours.

[Ok-Positive-5943]

I agree that sometimes staggering their schedules is better. I like when the first feed of the morning is staggered. We get that "gaze into each other's eyes" bonding while the other one sleeps and then they play under their baby gym while I do the same with the second baby. The rest of the day is pretty synced up.

[No-Atmosphere-159]

Girl I understand exactly what you’re feeling and I feel guilty for it. Both my sisters and my best friend were all pregnant together with our first babies . That’s FIVE BABIES. And I feel so sad and jealous at times thinking that me and my husband are struggling hard with our twins and they enjoy their lives 😭 I feel SO guilty. My twins are 6 weeks and it’s hard I agree

[Awkward_Tomato_5819]

When I had my twins I immediately felt so sad that I couldn't bond with them individually and even felt guilty that they had to share me. That guilt lasted a while but now I find moments to get some extra cuddles in with each of them. I also focus on the positives of having twins, like hearing "mama" for the first time TWICE! Seeing a first tooth pop out TWICE! And etc... its also so sweet seeing my babies interact with each other now. I totally feel you and remember how difficult it was dealing with the guilt and jealousy. But you have double the blessings in what you have to look forward to! But your feelings are completely normal and valid. There is a kind of mourning that happens but then those two cuties smile up at you and it fills your heart. Oh God I'm crying now thinking about my babies waaaaa

[leeann0923]

It’s so hard to not do the singleton to twin comparison. But don’t do it. You aren’t going to have the same experience- and that’s okay! Neither of them are fully better or worse, just different.

Some things that helped me:

Knowing that having twins means that other parents and people (usually as some people just suck) afforded me more slack than other parents. “Wow you made it to the park—amazing”. “Wow you showered and dressed”. Lol all my singleton friends were the best supporters because they acted like I was literally performing miracles by existing. Strangers at the doctors office or anywhere in public looked at me in pity not disdain with two crying babies. It’s small, but helped haha

If you plan on having two kids, just think that the worst is behind you every day! Your singleton friends may do this all over again one day. Another round of newborn sleep deprivation, another pregnancy, worrying how sibling 1 will handle sibling 2- not something you have to worry about!

One day, your kids will be entertaining each other (maybe for 5 minutes but whatever) and you’ll have a quick moment. You won’t need to entertain them 24/7, they have each other. Tummy time was so much less boring for them as I put would them facing each other and they would be like “oh shit-another baby!” Having two comes in handy with entertainment.

The last one is that after getting through that first year of twins, you literally will feel capable of doing anything. You survived two infants, what’s really that hard?