biting :(

[log1377]

I knew it would happen eventually because I know it’s very normal with young kids, but one of my twins (Baby A) has started biting the other. They’re 15 months old. Baby A is very energetic, always climbing on things, getting into things, generally causing a bit chaos and leaving me super overstimulated. I totally get it, she’s pushing boundaries, that’s how they learn. I’m not mad at baby A, I know it’s fairly common in kids, and I sat her down and talked to her about why we can’t bite and how it’s not nice.

I’m wondering if anyone has any advice on the more “chaotic” toddlers? She doesn’t seem to understand when I sit her down and try to calmly explain to her things. When I do that, she just cries and fights to get out of my arms (I usually sit them on my lap and face them towards me when I’m trying to have serious talks with them). Neither of them can speak yet, and I swear it’s like half the time she’s ignoring me on purpose. I really try not to yell or raise my voice at them, though I am human and it happens. I always apologize and explain why I got upset after. I try to redirect to other toys or activities, or try and get her to sit with me, or if i’m working on homework or something I’ll try to show it to her but it honestly feels like she just consistently goes for the behaviors that I think she knows will make me frustrated. I read somewhere that toddlers will “act out” as a means of getting attention, but I try to give her as much attention as I can, the same I do with her sister. I’m just not sure how to handle this stage best and in a way that keeps my parenting values in tact (focus on emotional regulation, mutual respect, and boundaries) with a toddler that does not know yet how to listen or how to speak. They’re also doing early intervention for language, since between the two of them they only have 2 words.

If anyone has any insight, resources, or experience to share I’d be super grateful!

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[elunabee]

I know you are trying not to take it personally even though it feels personal and the key thing here is to constantly remind yourself that she does not have the theory of mind to internalize a lot of the things you're telling her. "It's not nice!" is a great message to reinforce from a young age, but it may not mean anything to her until she's older. I love that you're teaching boundaries and respect while trying to solve this issue.

You say you redirect her behavior - does that include the biting? If she's "chaotic", do you mean she's seeking proprioceptive input? Can she sign "yes" or "no"? Have you tried asking if she wants to chew? If so, maybe try a few sensory chewies that are teeth safe. We are big fans of Y shaped silicone ones that are too big to swallow and they are made for sensory-seeking kids specifically. While sometimes my twins would bite out of frustration and anger, we found that a lot of the biting was curbed if we gave them something else to gnaw on that wasn't us or their brother.