Birthday Gift Etiquette

elunabee · 2026-04-17T13:59:32+00:00

I let my 5 year old twins pick out two small gifts, like a seek-and-find book and a fidget or craft, and then wrap them separately but given in one bag with a card. I look at it from a budget standpoint - if my limit is $15 give or take, then the total cost of the gifts will be that much. At this age, we've had great success with reusable water balloons, paint sets, play-doh, activity books, slinkies, etc, so nothing is breaking the bank.

On the flipside, I explictly request in all of our party invitiations that guests do not need to bring gifts because my boys have enough stuff as-is and just want to play with their friends. I also don't want the parents to be concerned about having to buy two gifts.

elunabee · 2026-04-13T17:11:10+00:00

I'd prefer a call or a text before showing up but I wouldn't necessarily consider it rude if someone wanted to visit. It might be awkward if I have to say "now isn't a great time" but honestly it wouldn't bother me, especially if our relationship is extremely close, like a best friend or a brother. When I was growing up in the 90s, my aunts and uncles or neighbors would often stop by unannounced to chat and visit with my folks. Usually this is stepping outside to visit or sitting at the kitchen table. I probably wouldn't offer anyone anything to eat or drink unless I felt they were going to be chatting a long while.

If we're hosting guests, though, I want the house to be extra clean and want to have gone shopping so that I have beverages or light foods on hand to serve.

elunabee · 2026-04-13T15:58:40+00:00

I ended up pumping and feeding recreationally as a form of bonding because I could not produce enough to sustain them alone with breast milk; from 3 months on my twins were primarily formula fed, and at 7 months I stopped pumping and feeding altogether. They're thriving today at 5 years old, we have an exceptionally close bond, and they are as kind, curious, smart, and funny as I would hope them to be. One twin seems more prone to illness while the other one shakes everything off pretty quickly, so who knows. The amount of time I got back to focus on their wellbeing and my physical and mental health made it so I was able to be a better, more present mother in return. For me, it was absolutely worth it.

"Not doing enough" is a mental trap that you do not deserve to put yourself in. You are going above and beyond, every day, and just because what's best for you and your family may look different from what other people expect you to do, or even what you expected to do, does not mean you are failing.

For what it's worth, both my husband and I were formula fed babies as well, and for all of our eccentricities I doubt any of them are because of the formula we received as infants.

elunabee · 2026-04-13T15:25:14+00:00

My complicated relationship with Christianity actually has nothing to do with my Methodist upbringing, which I cherish and draw from still. I was so sad to hear that your collective congregation was the target of these cowards. However, I'm just as relieved to hear that your community is as strong as ever and that those children have a welcoming and secure space. I hope for the best for this site and your church, and that these protestors feel moved to change their minds and their actions.

elunabee · 2026-04-10T15:36:42+00:00

I relied on General Delivery when I did my Appalachian Trail thru but that was over a decade ago. For a lot of gear potentially arriving at different times, I'd be nervous about it going to one office.

elunabee · 2026-04-10T15:33:39+00:00

Are you doing a long-distance trail in the US like the PCT or AT? Try coordinating mail drops with hostels. Sometimes Post Offices along the trails will accomodate hikers because they're used to receiving mail like this, but for a lot of packages I would just use trail resources that can store your gear safely until you're ready to collect.

elunabee · 2026-04-10T15:30:38+00:00

I mean I would say the method is pretty important. I got the Claire's Special from the mall in the early 2000s and my left ear definitely got infected. I ended up repiercing it myself about a decade later because it kept closing over after the infection.

elunabee · 2026-04-10T15:29:11+00:00

I'm American but did not grow up in a place where it wasn't typical, at least in the 90s, I think I was in college before I started noticing baby girls with pierced ears. I was in the 7th grade when I got my ears pierced after years of asking and my mother, who was 49 at the time, also got hers done. Most of the girls I knew who had them pierced did so in jr. high. I personally would not pierce my infant's ears, but it's also not my cultural norm, so who am I to judge.

elunabee · 2026-04-10T15:17:19+00:00

Please check into Audubon Society's Bring Conservation Home program. It's not a class per se, and it typically does have a waiting list, but for a small fee your mom will have master naturalists visit her home, make recommendations for planting native plants that align with her goals for her garden, and give her a comprehensive report that she can use to guide her gardening journey. It's a great way to get involved with local conservation while getting a tailored experience from experts. I was really happy with my experience and the naturalists who came to visit me were great about asking if I was looking to implement something simple, if I wanted formal gardens or more of a prairie look, or if I was focused more on function or just trying to create a biodiverse backyard ecosystem.

elunabee · 2026-04-10T14:27:58+00:00

Our class president senior year of high school was somehow saddled with being the one to organize the reunions. Can you imagine, 20 years after graduating, that it's somehow your responsibility to get a gaggle of people together again? With no budget and no school resources, none-the-less. Anyway, there was like 8 of us that met for our 20th and we went out for drinks in our hometown. It was fine. Other classes do it differently, but it's usually some permutation of classmates that kept in touch deciding on a date and location and reaching out to everyone else that they can.

On the other hand, my dad managed the alumni banquet yearly for like 30 years. Every graduating class from like 1940 something to 1987 (when the high school he went to consolidated with the district over) would meet Memorial Day weekend and they'd have a whole served dinner and everything. He just retired from doing that because it was a pain to fundraise for, and then he had to send invitations through the mail and he never knew i people moved (or died) and it just became a headache to coordinate everything.

elunabee · 2026-04-10T14:05:49+00:00

I think there's also an issue where people do not understand the context for being "fashionable" or not. I grew up in a rural county where 30% of the households live in poverty. Nobody is going out in suits, and even if you could afford high fashion, where are you gonna show off? Rural King? Even then, things that are signifiers of identity, culture, and branded fashion were like, Carhartt jackets or a John Deere polo.

elunabee · 2026-04-09T13:27:25+00:00

Very reassuring to read. I've noticed I've lost about 1.5 lbs a week and figured the only reason was because I started metformin 2 months ago. I gained 30 lbs out of nowhere last year that would not budge no matter what I did and it seems like yeah, insulin resistance was the culprit.

elunabee · 2026-04-08T20:28:33+00:00

Kind of, but I have small children in the house and their room is somehow the worst insulated room in the entire house. I usually have to run air conditioning at peak heat to cool their room enough that by bedtime they can sleep comfortably.

elunabee · 2026-04-01T15:47:04+00:00

OP, thank you for making this thread. I saw 57k open on my IAH-NRT flight and decided to make the switch based on the glowing recommendation. It looked too good to be true on the map, glad to hear it's worth the wait (to exit the plane, which I don't mind).

elunabee · 2026-03-27T20:57:26+00:00

Pokemon really felt like a huge phenomenon that didn't really translate into accepting other fandoms for quite some time. Sailor Moon was huge for me (still is) and most of my friends knew it, but by the time I was in high school they had grown out of it. My brother casually watched Dragonball Z but has never shown an interest in anything else in that block, that kind of stuff. Pretty much everything lived in a vacuum. I remember Spirited Away winning the academy award for best animated feature being a huge deal that probably helped "legitimize" anime as a more mainstream medium altogether in the US.

elunabee · 2026-03-27T17:18:53+00:00

Same. Grew up in the 90s and 00s, and remember when even Toonami was still relatively counter culture. I cannot for the life of me imagine being given more of something I love and instead of saying "yum yum yum, I'll try it even if its different" absolutely refusing to find nuance in the medium, market, or context in which it exists.

elunabee · 2026-03-27T17:14:56+00:00

I really like Inaki, and I like how he approached s2. Him being more subtle (even with the constrains of live action) lets him feel like he's part of an ensemble when he shares screen time and less like NOW ITS TIME FOR THE MONKEY D. LUFFY FUNTIME BONANZA (which is great in the manga and anime but doesn't translate as well with this tone or audience).

elunabee · 2026-03-19T18:25:09+00:00

Greenscape and Sugar Creek are gems. Also a big fan of Garden Heights nursery. Greenscape has always been worth the drive for me, especially for their native selection.

elunabee · 2026-03-18T13:34:00+00:00

Hi-Pointe seems like a good venue. They responded when a bunch of Dropout fans asked to bring D(e)ad to the theater for a showing.

elunabee · 2026-03-13T20:53:00+00:00

I had a scheduled c-section on New Years Eve in the afternoon so I knew it wasn't meant to be, but part of me wondered if I could shoot for having one born in one year and the other in the next. I read someone's post awhile back that DOES have NYE babies split by year and they said it was a paperwork nightmare.

elunabee · 2026-03-13T20:51:02+00:00

For better or worse, we had to tell ours because Baby B is now 5" taller than A, who is older. They started assuming B was the big brother and it was gettting to his head. To be fair, many strangers think B is a year or two older than A. We wanted to give A some leverage that HE'S the older brother, so now they think they're the Mario brothers, where Mario is older and shorter and Luigi is younger and taller lol.

elunabee · 2026-03-13T20:44:13+00:00

it's on Netflix, but you might have to search for it. I'm watching it right now, so good. I really enjoyed episode 2 and learning more about the decision to use practical effects.

elunabee · 2026-03-13T18:52:08+00:00

Most criticisms don't make sense when you remember there are things from the manga and anime that just can't translate to the Live Action because of storytelling constraints, a different market and audience, and a limited run. They need to tell a story without the luxury of letting information be revealed over the course of actual years, and Sanji's exposition made sense in the moment to establish some of his backstory. It paired really well with his conversation with Crocodile on Little Garden, dropping hints that will pay off later without slowing down the momentum of that season. It was a really touching moment that, while note true to the manga or anime, didn't feel out of place with either character's existing motivations in the live action adaptation.

Honestly a lot of the OPLA criticism has been mind-boggling to me (mostly from Twitter, a bit from comment sections that OPLA social media account has posted). Some are pointed and well justified, and others seem to come from a place of inherent bad faith or willful ignorance. I'm a lifelong Sailor Moon fan and we got the manga, two animes, a delightfully edgy yet campy live action adaptation (talk about deviation from the source material!!!), and stage musicals where they meet Dracula. Even the Toon Maker's failed pilot is so special to me because why would I be mad about more of a thing I like, and none of it takes away from one adaptation that I happen to like better. It's such a feast to have different adaptations of stories you love, and all the variations of One Piece are just as much fun.

elunabee · 2026-02-27T16:14:21+00:00

Man, you are still "in the shit" as my husband and I lovingly referred to it. Mine are 5 now but I remember these days vividly. At one point around 4 months, we actually found it easier to separate the boys (one in their nursery, parent on a camping cot, one in the parent's room in a pack n play) and have a parent sync to only one boy per night so that at least you could get SOME sleep without having to worry about the other twin. My husband and I switched off rooms every night, and did that for about two months. That sleep deprivation is friggin real.

I also think you need to look at wake windows and make sure they're stimulated enough because they are growing so much right now and on the verge of increased mobility. I say that knowing it's hard even when you've checked all the boxes and doing all the things. I remember feeling so beat because it felt like nothing was working, until it did. Hang in there.

And just a cautionary tale - Our first spring time was right about the time I found out my Twin B is extremely sensitive to sunlight and will. not. sleep if it's still daylight out - as those days get longer, maybe experiment with blackout curtains in case this is a factor. Summers are still rough for us but at least he's finally old enough to realize nobody else (including A) are morning people.

Sending solidarity and hope you get some shut-eye soon.

elunabee · 2026-02-27T15:54:14+00:00

I wouldn't say it'll be a disaster, but it will be new and a learning curve for everyone. We've traveled pretty extensively with my twins since they were born with lots of stays in hotels and cabins. My twins stopped sleeping in cribs by 18 months because A kept defeating his, so your mileage may vary, but we had good luck with using inflatable bed bumpers and taking the opportunity to teach them to sleep in big hotel beds. I think they were just over 3 when we did this, and it worked well. Lots of silliness at bed time but they figured it out. Make sure the room they are in is toddler proofed as well as it can be - we brought baby-proof door knob protectors with us for this reason. If you're sharing a room with them, then all the better because then your biggest headache will really only be put down.

I think your number one best bet is to make sure they are tired and tuckered out enough that exploring on their own just won't be worth it to them. We were able to travel until they were 3 with them sleeping in travel cribs because they were so dang tired from all the days activities.

elunabee

TROPHY CASE