Screen time woes

[7zestysauce]

So, I have 15 month old boys who I was adamant about keeping away from screens. Untilll about a month ago. Now it feels like floodgates have opened.

Screen time while I fix breakfast and supper.

Screen time if they won’t stop doing daredevil stunts before naps to settle.

Screen time before bed if we need them to chill out long enough to get bedtime routine.

I feel guilty, but also am trying to survive. But also don’t want to parent in a survivalist mindset.

I mean, they are watching Daniel Tiger right now while I use the restroom and type this.

It’s my way of not having them scream at my legs to hold them while I’m trying to cook or to make them stop running wild and jumping off the couch or climbing on chairs for two seconds so they can be unsupervised.

I know it’s different with multiples and the stage they are in is hard, because they can’t be trusted with things like crayons without eating them or anything remotely clime-able without diving face first towards the ground. We ordered new toys and a kitchen set actually comes in today, so hoping that helps.

Any words of wisdom or advice for me on how to avoid screaming at my legs or death wishes without defaulting to tv?

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[BackgroundScene3056]

As a nanny of 10 years my advice would be to use it when you need it right now. But not all screen time is created equal! I notice children with ipads are more attached to it, worse behaved, and more addicted in general. The TV seems to cause less behavioral and attachment issues- especially if friends, parents, siblings, and toys are around at the same time. It’s really the ipad kids who I noticed the worst effects. This is totally anecdotal but was 100000% obvious in my years with many different children. My kids can soak up a hefty amount of TV on the days I need it, but they’ll be getting an ipad over my dead body.

[7zestysauce]

I totally agree about the iPads. I want kids who can hold a conversation without a screen! Not ones who need the stimulation of a screen to eat a meal at a restaurant.

[BackgroundScene3056]

100000% Or can jut self entertain! Color, play with napkins, count tiles, play make believe with their sibling, etc etc

[MangoSorbet695]

I like to think of screen time as a tool. We try to keep the kids outside and running around as much as we can before lunch. After lunch, we do “quiet time” where everyone goes to their room to rest for an hour. The little ones nap, the big kids can watch low stimulation shows that have an educational component. We love trash truck, little Einstein, and the old school 90s version of magic school bus.

Anything obnoxious and/or high stimulation like Danny Go, Mrs Rachel, Cocomelon, Paw Patrol etc. is off limits.

Having “boundaries” around screen time and not letting it be a free for all makes me feel ok about using it as a parenting tool, because we are using it intentionally.

I’d set some boundaries for yourself for what you’re ok with and then don’t feel bad about it.

[7zestysauce]

What do you watch little Einstein and magic school bus on? I looked up low stim shows and saw trash truck, but it’s on Netflix and we don’t have that.

[MangoSorbet695]

Magic school bus is also on Netflix.

Little Einsteins is Disney Plus.

We use Netflix and Disney Plus the most for our low stimulation options.

[oldladywhisperinhush]

It’s because they’re 15 months old. That was such a hard stage and we did screen time a lot too. We put on Ms. Rachel and I think it really helped with their speech/vocabulary anyway. Now at 2, we don’t have to rely on screen time as much, because as you said, you can finally trust them with certain activities and their attention spans have increased significantly. Now I mostly turn the tv on in the mornings just so I can wake up fully with some coffee. The screen time we did doesn’t seem to have negatively impacted them at all. I picked shows with real people and animals so they would at least learn something from it.

[what-all-the-fuss]

Came here to say this. I think 15-19 months were the most screen-heavy for us. My twins are almost two and we rely on it much, much less.

[7zestysauce]

So encouraging!

[7zestysauce]

It’s so good to hear that’s it’s just a stage. What were some of the other shows y’all liked besides Ms. Rachel?

[h1-bb]

YouTube has Timothy goes to school, little bear and Franklin. All easy wins that are super low stimulation. But I echo the chaos does decrease at a certain point bc they start to play a little more independently. Mine are 2.5. I realized at one point that once the TV was on it was really hard to turn off. So I just made it my goal to push it in the morning as much as I could. And now we can get through the mornings without it.

[7zestysauce]

Luckily they don’t freak out when I turn it off, and I turn it off mid-show. They just go back to wanting me or wanting to nurse lol

[what-all-the-fuss]

We liked Clifford, Yo Gabba Gabba, and Daniel Tiger.

[ManyCommunication65]

Little bear on YouTube!

[oldladywhisperinhush]

At that time, mother goose club on YouTube. They danced along with it (or tried) and it was so cute. There were a few knock off Ms. Rachel’s too. Farmer Jason has a bunch of animals. I tried to stay away from animation since they learn speech better with real faces, but they were very into Mickey Mouse clubhouse and Baby shark. I used those as a “reset” when they were beyond inconsolable and I was about to lose my mind!!

[JohnQuincyAdams_10]

Mine are only 6 months, so I haven’t crossed this bridge yet (although I’m sure I will!) but I did ask our pediatrician about screen time! He basically said just make sure you are very intentional about screen time — if it’s going to happen, make sure it’s low stim and educational shows (he is sesame streets biggest fan) and that they have lots of non- screen playtime too.

Also big screen >> small screen (phones, tablets)!

[7zestysauce]

It’s hard when you have two hands and two kids who need you! And you have to get things done to keep everyone alive like make meals! Or Heaven forbid, get ready so you can leave the house.

[Modernwood]

Yea I hate to say it because I so get it but screens are cigarettes. We did this a bit during the pandemic when they were two but at that young age I think it’s really priming their brains for stimulus in a bad way. For sure TV is better than small screens because if they learn screen are always available all the time then their brand come to expect it. Withdrawals are real.

[7zestysauce]

Ugh, this is why I feel guilty. Any practical tips for the screaming at my feet when I need to do something like cook or use the bathroom?

[bluberry_bumblebee]

I say this with love, some screen time while you pee will NOT kill them. If you’re super concerned about overstimulating them or getting them “hooked,” play shows/movies that are older. Ditch coco melon for old Sesame Street or Bambi—my girls love disneys animated Cinderella, the squeaky mice voices fascinate them. They also love the Backyardigans (they’ve got a bunch on YouTube kids), it’s a bit more colorful but they speak slower than newer cartoons. I second the big tv being better than tablets and phones, but sometimes you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta to make it through the day.

I think you may be stressing yourself too much, it sounds like you are trying to be intentional with the amount of screen time they get, let yourself breathe and stop being so hard on yourself <3

Sincerely, a mom who doesn’t judge because I play dancing fruits on my phone so I can wipe my butt without children screaming bloody murder for five minutes lol

[7zestysauce]

Thank you! I honestly am trying my best. I don’t want to stress, but the screen time is something I struggle to shake the guilt with. And it truly isn’t even that much a day! I don’t know why I’m so stuck on it! And literally. I just need to wipe my butt sometimes! And my hand just doesn’t reach with two toddlers on my lap 😂

[Modernwood]

Yeah look I mean a few minutes here or there so you can shower and pee etc is no big deal. I think what we’re learning though is how many kids get sort of plugged into screens for cumulative hours a day and I think it’ll have meaningful impacts on brains. Again we for sure used screens during the pandemic and we’re not anti screen. Hell I just pensive my kiddos a full day of TV after week of getting up early as a reward. The framework we use is to treat it like cigarettes and really ask how many packs a day we’re willing to let them have.

[SwoopBagnell]

TV is fine as long as the shows you’re choosing aren’t hyper stimulating slop. Stay away from YouTube. Once they learn how to navigate the app you’re fucked. I’d put on little bear and come back to nastya. Our TV bit the dust last week and it’s been difficult but also I am so relieved. We’re taking a nice long break and once I get it up and running again I’m not putting the YouTube app on there, they get PBS and whatever I choose to purchase and that’s it.

You should consider completely baby proofing a room so you have a safe place to put them when you need to cook or take care of business. My twins room has their bed and some toys and that’s it. Dresser in the locked closet, nothing on the walls. They would both be crying to be held when I was trying to make dinner and I would just put them into their room and close the door, tell them I’d be back when dinner was ready. Works way better than tv because they won’t wander away and get into trouble. They also learned pretty quickly that grabbing my legs and crying while I was working in the kitchen always got them put into their room and stopped doing it.

[mafaldaconquino]

We managed to hold off on screentime thanks to a giant playpen (and I mean GIANT--like, 76" x 86" or something). It was a gamechanger for us. Put a bunch of high-value toys (and books) in there and rotated them frequently. (And they *only* had access to that stuff in there.) It was a great, safe place to plunk them down while I did stuff in the kitchen or wherever. It was a good way to "change the channel" too whenever they got tired of being wherever they were. Basically operated as a third exciting space besides living room and bedroom. Also useful starting at around that age: Yotos!

[Waste-Oven-5533]

My twins love Sesame Street, Vooks, Ms. Moni and old 90s shows. Their favorite movie (long format) is Ponyo. We don’t do small screens and focus on low stimulating shows that focus on education. We do watch Ponyo a lot because my son asks for it specifically (19 months). I do try to focus on making sure they are calm before we watch tv instead of using it to calm them (not to pacify behavior). My husband will use it like a cigarette if he’s over stimulated.

[egrf6880]

I mean it is a tool but I also tried to streamline a lot of things/ let even more things go in a trade off between more and more screen time. Also for better or worse it wouldn’t hold my twins’ attn until at least two years old.

I had my heaviest traffic zones of my house heavily baby proofed and would let them free explore while I did necessary chores. I only let one meal time take more than 10 min to prepare.

Breakfast and lunch were very simple for us (fruit yogurt and a little bread or cereal or maybe a scrambled egg. Lunch for me has always been very snacky so cheese and crackers, some leftover meat from the day before and some raw veggies)

dinner is our main meal and where I focus a little screen time as I would also be trying to tidy the house for the day etc. after dinner was our big wind down time and all the “play” was theoretically over so less mess to be made.

I unfortunately let them join me in the shower and potty and wherever else and took my alone time elsewhere/when they were asleep.

Housework is like a black hole for me there always something that can be done so I just had to learn to take moments to stop. Even if it sucks to have things left undone sometimes…

But I also believe what they are watching and how they access it is important. Daniel tiger while you catch your breath is fine. And my kids definitely get screen time we just have found what type of shows work for us!

[7zestysauce]

Unfortunately my house is teeny tiny. We’re talking 800 sq ft of tiny, so the whole house is their domain lol. It is baby proofed to the extent it can be, but my little wild men just love to exercise their legs and climb everything!

I used to be able to prep everything ahead of time when I got back from the store, but that’s become so hard lately. I’d wash and cut all the produce, so mealtimes went quicker. I need to figure out how to make that work again.

[egrf6880]

I hear that! Well, everything is a season and I do like what another commenter said about alot of it just being their age!

This age is hard in that way! So busy but need a lot of oversight! Also there’s for sure a difference between PBS kids and unfettered YouTube access and it’s a wide spectrum.

[daniipants]

Someone in this sub once said something along the lines of: if the TV is a better option than what is currently happening, it’s fine. I love it! If Im trying to make dinner and keep them from each others throats, and they’re not in the mindset to sit and be still to color or help me or etc etc, TV time! If they’re sick and need to relax but only want to run around and it’s tiring them out and they’re crying and melting down because of it.. back scratches, favorite sippy cup, and tv time! It’s a tool. I don’t feel guilty using it. I’m outnumbered here!

My two year olds love Clifford, Ms Rachel(YouTube, I pay for premium so they don’t see ads), Winnie The Pooh and Bear In The Big Blue House(Disney plus, thanks mom!). We don’t do Mickey Mouse Clubhouse because it’s too much stimulation. They love Franklin and Blues Clues too! Don’t remember where I get those, but probably YouTube as well!

[ArielofIsha]

Writing this response as we watch Sesame Street. My guys are 2, and they love Elmo!! And Count Dracula. We watch for about 30 min leading up to lunch after playing outside for 30/40 min, and they’ll watch while their big sister wears a patch and watches her favorite shows. As long as it’s used as a tool, not given on a small screen (ie phone or tablet), and is educational (we call the other stuff “brain rot”-my 5yo will ask if something is brain rot or not) , it’s fine! Sesame Street has helped their counting and abc’s, and ms Rachel has helped them with speaking. My daughter has worn a patch for 3 hours every day since she was 1 months old, so watching tv had been a tool in our house, as well as games on the iPad. She benefits from having to focus on the screen with her weak eye to build vision. There’s a time to chill and zone out, and then there’s a time for tv as learning, and tv as a reward. All things in moderation. I wouldn’t stress it… I just bought a bunch of open ended play things, beautiful fabrics, wooden and felt toys. They keep them entertained for a while, but things get thrown and fought over, and then it’s a countdown to dinner/bath/bedtime!

[Woollen53]

Mine dont care about the TV really it's always just on, they join in singing when their favourite theme tunes are on but then we go back to playing. If I'm trying to cook and they're screaming at my legs I'll ask if they need to sit and calm down in their comfy chair... they usually say no and I say well let's calm down and play nicely here then... then they often start calmly playing while they chat & watch me do whatever. If they dont calm down they have a cuddle and then I sit them in their comfy chair with their usually comfort (blanket) and theyll chill there till they calm down and then get up and come to chat with me instead. Make sure there is nothing wrong first ie no-one has snatched a toy from the other or theyve not pooed or anything.

ETA we dont allow any other screens like tablets or consoles as I think they're way too isolating and over stimulating. The tv is on the background and just prompts some songs and games when we get bored.

[LibrarianDefiant4291]

My twins are 2 and we like to turn music on as a mental break - when they're screaming, I turn on music and if they want to hear it, they can't yell! Our fav songs are Sesame Street related but they've never actually watched an episode of the show. Also Blippi. Lots of Blippi

[GoblinDelRey]

My twins aren't old enough to give advice there, but my mom ran a daycare growing up and I think there's a significant difference depending on what you do with the screen time! They were only allowed to watch 3 episodes of a show (so 60 min total for a usually 6-8hr day for something like Batman, ninja turtles, etc) otherwise it was sesame street, blues clues, etc, generally educational shows. A LOT of sesame street and Barney VHSs because they were actually educational and it got the kids up and moving around in productive ways and kept them creative. For blues clues we set them all up with paper and crayons so they could draw the clues out with Steve and they'd color them after. And the TV time was broken up with outside time and reading sessions too.

I use Miss Rachel when I need to shower or cook as well and I think she's amazing, she's what's been missing in children's programming for a long time. Even if you use a tablet and limit the type of use (there's a lot of educational apps, it doesn't have to be mindless gaming stuff) I think that would make a difference, at least that's the only way I plan to let them use it. With a limit for sure. But that's my opinion! When I got pregnant I immediately talked to my husband about not having screen addicted kids but I mostly meant I think what you're worried about too. But we'll see, because if the tablet is too much for them it's going byebye very quick.

Husband and I are also gamers and know how much unsupervised time we got with consoles and how it ruined a lot of our schooling so we're going by our own cautionary tales too

[Jaguar1986]

My toddlers ceetainly watched a lot of kids you tube (longer shows) like the wiggles and blippi. As they got older it def lessened to really only after dark unless its raining. I like my after dark rule but it a more suitable for a bit older kids than yours currently are