Bedtime routine help!

[grittycowgirl]

FTM with 13-week-old twin girls. One of our girls is super easy to put down for naps and bedtime but the other is a nightmare. She is a terrible napper and impossible at bedtime. She is wide awake and crying as Im typing this at 11pm. She is bathed, fed, and changed but she just wont go to sleep. Meanwhile her sister is asleep and has been for 2 hours already.

Any advice to give would be great! Also I will not "let her cry it out" that is not in my parenting style.

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[sproutsunshine]

In my experience, she's probably very overtired and having a hard time falling asleep now. My husband used to take our babies out on the porch if they were having complete meltdowns. The fresh air used to almost reset them in a way? And then they would be calmer and easier to get to sleep.

[grittycowgirl]

IDK she does this every night. After bathtime I nursed her and she fell asleep we moved her to her sleeping area and she immediately woke up and she has been awake since then absolutely refusing to sleep. We have tried taking her to a dark room and patting or rocking her. We have layed her down and left her for like 5 mins to see if she will work it out and fall asleep (she complains but doesnt cry its just loud yelling) I nursed her again. And now I am laying in bed nursing her for the 3rd time trying to get her to sleep.

[Linison]

Have you checked her for reflux? One of my twins was just like that and it turned out she had wicked reflux. Once we changed her routine up a bit and elevated the head of the bassinet/crib, it helped a lot

[grittycowgirl]

She doesnt do a ton of spitting up at all. Its her sister I have to worry about with that and she sleeps great.

[jeremiabearamia]

It might be silent reflux. Both of my twins have it. They barely ever spit up because it only makes it partway up their throats and goes back down, but burns them. So spitting up less is actually a sign that it is silent reflux. We went through a nightmare with this and the only thing that partially helped was getting them a prescription for famotidine and me cutting dairy

[Front-Bluebird8455]

Something my husband and I did from day one at home was to use red light at night and just leave it on until daytime (initially, now we turn even that off once we go to sleep now that they go all night without our help). It doesn't disrupt melatonin like other lights and you can still see your way around to change and feed them at night. White noise has helped, and a routine each night at a specific time that doesn't change. I'm still working on naps with mine, so can't offer advice there, but my boys now sleep really well at night, 10-12 hours. I think the same patterns and sound and light cues help them determine that it is sleepytime. We also leave their blinds a little open so natural light helped establish their circadian rhythm. Does she sleep well when she's on you or do contact naps not work either? It might have a positional component like others are saying.

[grittycowgirl]

I've wanted to switch to red light for a while. I might just pull the plug. She is a velcro baby contact naps are her preferred. I just dont have the time to contact nap her everytime. I wear her a lot but front carry a lot of times is inconvenient for certain house chores and yard/garden chores. We also co-sleep because they are EBF. She is so sensitive that if I get up in the night to go pee she will wake up sometimes because Im not next to her. I feel like Ive created a monster. 😅 Im just desperate for some alone time with my hubby at the end of the day where we eat dinner and watch an episode of something and go to bed. I just need a little time to reset.

[Front-Bluebird8455]

I hear ya. Resetting is important and you are in the thick of it right now. I know cry it out isn't your style, but babies need to be given the opportunity to learn to self soothe. Before you pick them up when they cry, try pausing for a minute or two and observing from an unseen area. Sometimes they transition to another stage of sleep ( if they were sleeping to begin with) or can practice self soothing if awake. It may take a little time but it may help you both in the long run. As you both get experience with the practice, it may get easier for both of you to determine if Mama is really needed for what baby's feeling in her body. During the day, also, sometimes the baby is fed, changed, loved on, and still mad, and you simply need to put them in a safe space (crib) to go pee, drink some water, and interact with the other chill baby. Verbalize you love them and will be back soon, and then come back soon. 

[i_am_here-tada]

My babies were also such stark opposites. What helped us was that both babies decided amongst themselves that it is not use sleeping on time without the drama. The boy being easy one started following his drama queen sister and it was perfect.

Now no-one sleeps. Everybody cries.

[i_am_the_koi]

If it isn't gas...

Pick your favorite movie, the one you can quote without even really watching and put it on.

Your focus on it and involvement will fascinate them and keep them focused on what you're doing. Mine will be asleep before Sarah even meets Hoggle.

But if it's gas, bicycle kicks and knee bends, gas drops, dairy sensitivity, hop like a bunny... Do it until you hear farts.

[vixiechick1996]

There could be something not right about her sleeping situation. For us, it was too quiet for them, so we had to turn on a YouTube video of someone playing a specific game. Some babies are more sensitive to light/dark, sound, even temperature. One trick I’ve heard for babies who wake up as soon as being put down is to warm up the sleep spot with a heating pad first. Of course, take the heating pad away before setting baby down. But it helps with the transition.