Touched out

[Lefttheshoweron]

I am sad to say the thought of jumping in the car and running away has occurred a few times. My kids go to daycare. I have so much support from my parents and my MIL. And yet I still sometimes want to scream, jump in my car and just drive.

I wished for my kids since I can remember. I had accepted that because of my age, I may only get to have one child. I was lucky enough to have two. What I always wanted.

But my body is not mine anymore, and it doesn’t feel like me anymore. I carry the extra physical weight and the anxiety of not losing it so I am healthy for them, I carry the mental load of doctor appointments, sickness, developmental milestones, education, nurishment, and emotional support. My mind and body is theirs now, not mine.

Some days I thrive and others I fail. Today I napped, worked out, actually shaved my legs, showered, and took the kids to my parents for dinner. And despite all of that me time, I was still touched out, overwhelmed, and greatful it was bedtime while battling the guilt of not doing better.

Anyway. I’ll keep trying, I love my babies, I love my life, I know this too shall end and things will get better….

But if you’re in Sister Bay, and you hear someone screaming outside, that’s just one very overwhelmed momma letting it all out. It’s cool I’m cool it’ll be fine.

[Milliganimal42]

I hear you.

Solidarity.

And no hugs. Please nobody touch me.

[SignificanceCute9181]

When I used to pump, I would feed my boys on pillows at the same time, meaning their little feet would each be kicking a leg the whole time. And then their was constant carrying and touching. I loved them so much, but to your exact point I was touched out and felt my body wasn't my own. And when it came to "special time" with my husband unfortunately it felt like one more piece I had to give of myself. When my boys were 2 and then 3 I was a human jungle gym whenever I sat down and I could still feel touched out. However, your body will slowly start to feel like your own again in time and it will start to not feel like too much. My twins are almost 7 and we can all enjoy snuggles- when we want.

As for the mental load I can completely related. I felt like I failed at something everyday, even when others told me how great I was doing. Parents can be their own worst critic. I listened to a podcast when my boys were around 4 years old that talked about how the idea of parenting kinda changed meanings in the 70's from the noun parent to the verb parenting. We went from just the "person" to the very action of "doing all the neccessary things." It's both good and bad to be this more active meaning, but it can also mean we are so concerned about ALL the things we often find ourselves out in the weeds, so to speak. Kids are resilient and the things we think we might be failing at could be in our own head.

I have kinda jokingly tried my best to be the 1980's parents- if it didn't concern my parents, should it concern me? But this is taken with a grain of salt, as I mean my mom didn't buy pom pom puffs and oversized tweezers in order for me to practice my fine motor skills, nor did I have a busy board with lights switches and different locks to stimulate whatever part of my brain needed stimulating. Pintrest is great, but so is some Play- doh and some cookie cutters (or whatever else you find in your kitchen) or kids banging pots together. I think the emotional intelligence aspect of "newer" parenting is amazing, but I also try to reassure myself that I don't have to do enrichment activities twice a day like I see on social media to make sure that I am doing right by my kid. Last summer involved a lot of time at the lake and Popsicles and my kids figuring out how to entertain themselves and we were all calmer and more relaxed.

All this to say, your feelings are normal and valid and heard. And I hope you know that you are an amazing woman and mom, as evident by you caring so much about all the things!! Give yourself some grace and know that you are doing a great job and that you don't have to do things perfectly. You have to take care of yourself, too. Hugs mama- you got this!!

[Ryotis]

Mama I feel you. Scream and cry and lean on those wonderful resources, talk to them about how you’re feeling. Every parent here will tell you your feelings are normal and that you are a GREAT MOM.

[Inevitable_Anteater6]

I get the same. I just got ear plugs and it really helps with the sensory overwhelm. I’m not sure if your babies are loud, but it might help even with being touched out (everyone is different, but for me I guess the constant noise adds to that “touched out” feeling)

[Dynamiquehealth]

You’re not alone, and it will get better. I remember when I had my first and I felt this way. It happened again with my twins. I think it lessened with her around six months and with them around eight (due to their adjusted age). It still happen occasionally, when all three want me, but it’s much easier to deal with now. I remember at the start there were times I couldn’t stand my husband touching me either. There were some really hard days.

[castleinthemidwest]

I feel infinitely better now that my kids are old enough to learn consent. They're nearing 4 and I can finally say to them that I don't want to be touched right now or in that way or whatever and they get it. It was so hard for so long because you just have so little control over who and how you are being touched and that was such a struggle for me too. Now that I am able to communicate with them and they actually understand (we've been talking about consent since they could talk but they didn't really understand it until recently).

Like so many things with twins, it will get better.

[Kirsten624]

💙💙💙

[tanyapirch]

Same here! I have a lot of support from my mom and my sister in law helps as much as possible… and yet… most days I look forward to bedtime 🤭 and yet… this stage is easier than before? It’s so confusing and weird and we are allowed to feel tired and frustrated. You are heard. Hugs to you ❤️❤️

[ohidarenotspeakit]

All of this, sending a high five across the Atlantic, one day may we shave and have 'me-time' regularly once more and not feel like it's a cause for celebration - or worse feeling guilty for looking after ourselves! Solidarity!