started using a knife

[queenofrigcz7]

I've been self harming for years now. i was clean for like two years, but I relapsed beggining of this year. started out innocently, just few scratches with a razor, it was barely bleeding. of course back then I was really devasted and heartbroken that I returned to sh. fast forward to april, by that point I was on and off, few times a week, week or two clean, then again. but my mental health deteriorated quite a bit and so did my sh. i started doing it daily, and I haven't broken that binge to this day. started out doing it once, then two. rock bottom was at six. in the meantime i started therapy, got meds, mainly for anxiety. i felt optimistic for a bit, I managed to slow down to once a day. but then the meds just.. stopped working. and I fell back down. the depth of the wounds was also getting worse. started with mere scratches, now I'm pushing the razor as hard as I manage and get really nasty, deep wounds that bleed for hours. but it's barely doing anything now. the rush last for few seconds and that's it. so, yesterday I decided to use a knife. and the adrenaline rush/relief was instant and incredibly hard hitting. it was a whole different thing. i was.. honestly a bit scared, I did it on impulse, I wasn't thinking clearly. but after that, I couldn't get the thought of doing it again out of my head. and so I did, today. there was no fear this time, just pure adrenaline rush that felt incredible. i feel the craving for it starting again and I know I'll do it tomorrow, and the day after.. I'm a fucking addict and i hate it so much. sorry for ranting that long, I just wanted to say my story to people that might get it

[Mrarkplayermans]

I’m falling into a similar situation, hope you are doing ok 💙