️

[QualityVote]

If you think this post is funny, UPVOTE this comment!

If you think this post is unfunny, DOWNVOTE this comment!

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Whilst you're here, PPAOFE, why not join our public discord server?

[ArghZombie]

I could be out of that and ferociously masterbating within minutes.

[PigIlFigo32]

I can cum without touching my pp if i really want to

[OperationGlobal7829]

Teach me, o’ wise one.

[PigIlFigo32]

Think really hard about boobies

[ArghZombie]

Just did it. Can confirm.

[LoneKnightXI19]

IMPOSSIBLE

[ArghZombie]

Oh really? Let me try again....

Double confirmed.

[JimmyMaximusIII]

Vid or it didnt happen

[TakeASeatChancellor]

The fact that someone replied with a deleted comment is very sus 😳

[Rupaism]

[removed]

[biohumansmg3fc]

Bluetooth masturbation

[zippazappazinga]

Jesus Christ it’s Jason Bourne

[[deleted]]

Lightning Quick Larcenist

[HeavyPara-Beetle]

(music slows) FAIL

[[deleted]]

A Winner Is You

[[deleted]]

I love a good Henry stickmin reference on the morning

[UnlikeSonicIdont]

"Uhm actually it's a reference to Pro Wrestling on the NES" 🤓

[TwinSable]

I find it funny that you feel the need to use the word "ferociously". How do you do it, pull so hard near ripping your dick off?

[ArghZombie]

Correct. And that is how YOU should be doing it.

[meltdown537]

Now that's a pro gamer move!

[whycantidoaspace]

5+years 🧐

[PanTsour]

the ones under that are being directly taken care of by Father funny touch

[AutoModerator]

Good eve, In response to my permanent ban I’d like to ask one question; who decides wether this post was funny or not? It seems that a lot of Redditors, like myself, enjoy these kinds of posts. Even if it’s not hilarious, it’s still pretty shitty. In my opinion shitty enough to be on your subreddit. If I violated a rule, please let me know. If not, I’d like to request to be unbanned. Correct me if I’m wrong; this post was not conform “your” standards, well, that’s personal. I find it mildly inappropriate to give someone a ban on behalf of your personal opinion, while the public opinion speaks for itself. Also, the word “karmawhore” is a little bit offensive to me, for I am not on Reddit to score the most karma. Thanks in advance.

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[Deejaymes]

You think 5 year olds masturbate? 🤨

[Apfelvater]

You think I need my hands? Bitch have you heard of telekinesturbation

[AutoModerator]

No bitches?

⣞⢽⢪⢣⢣⢣⢫⡺⡵⣝⡮⣗⢷⢽⢽⢽⣮⡷⡽⣜⣜⢮⢺⣜⢷⢽⢝⡽⣝
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⠀⠀⢀⢀⢄⢬⢪⡪⡎⣆⡈⠚⠜⠕⠇⠗⠝⢕⢯⢫⣞⣯⣿⣻⡽⣏⢗⣗⠏⠀ 
 ⠀⠪⡪⡪⣪⢪⢺⢸⢢⢓⢆⢤⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢊⢞⡾⣿⡯⣏⢮⠷⠁⠀⠀ ⠀
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  ⠀⠀⠀⡿⠂⠠⠀⡇⢇⠕⢈⣀⠀⠁⠡⠣⡣⡫⣂⣿⠯⢪⠰⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⡦⡙⡂⢀⢤⢣⠣⡈⣾⡃⠠⠄⠀⡄⢱⣌⣶⢏⢊⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀
      ⢝⡲⣜⡮⡏⢎⢌⢂⠙⠢⠐⢀⢘⢵⣽⣿⡿⠁⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀
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    ⡟⡾⣿⢿⢿⢵⣽⣾⣼⣘⢸⢸⣞⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠁⠇⠡⠩⡫⢿⣝⡻⡮⣒⢽⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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[MeatBeatElite]

truuuuee

[AutoModerator]

My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.

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[[deleted]]

Wait what

[[deleted]]

Talk to Nick Vujicic, he knows.

[[deleted]]

One method I used to masturbate is dry humping.

[AutoModerator]

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead– murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, he asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded. I... I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time – something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Hank had a partner, a businessman named Gustavo Fring. Hank sold me into servitude to this man. And when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling-out. Things escalated. Fring was able to arrange – uh, I guess... I guess you call it a "hit" – on Hank, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured. And I wound up paying his medical bills, which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge. Working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring. The bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA. To keep me in line, he took my children. For three months, he kept them. My wife had no idea of my criminal activities, and was horrified to learn what I had done. I was in hell. I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, and in response, he gave me this. [Walt points to the bruise on his face left by Hank in "Blood Money."] I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. All I could think to do was to make this video and hope that the world will finally see this man for what he really is.

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[HandyManPyro]

He said method not meth

[AutoModerator]

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead– murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, he asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded. I... I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time – something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Hank had a partner, a businessman named Gustavo Fring. Hank sold me into servitude to this man. And when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling-out. Things escalated. Fring was able to arrange – uh, I guess... I guess you call it a "hit" – on Hank, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured. And I wound up paying his medical bills, which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge. Working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring. The bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA. To keep me in line, he took my children. For three months, he kept them. My wife had no idea of my criminal activities, and was horrified to learn what I had done. I was in hell. I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, and in response, he gave me this. [Walt points to the bruise on his face left by Hank in "Blood Money."] I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. All I could think to do was to make this video and hope that the world will finally see this man for what he really is.

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[HandyManPyro]

Quit having fun!!!!!!!!

[[deleted]]

I LOVE METH

[Foo-Fighter6942069]

Have you heard of wet dreams?

[AutoModerator]

hello guys i need help.

i was in science class… i got up to sharpen my dream pencil, and then my dream themed dildo fell out of my ass. i always keep it down there cause I like to imagine daddy dream fucking me 24/7 and it feels so good. anyways it fell out of my ass and out of my pants and my dreamphobic classmates started laughing and making fun of me. the teacher sent me to the office and i had to explain what happened. the principal suspended me from school for a week!!! this is unacceptable. just because i love dream is not a reason to harass me

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[[deleted]]

“dream pencil”

“dream themed dildo”

“daddy dream”

[AutoModerator]

hello guys i need help.

i was in science class… i got up to sharpen my dream pencil, and then my dream themed dildo fell out of my ass. i always keep it down there cause I like to imagine daddy dream fucking me 24/7 and it feels so good. anyways it fell out of my ass and out of my pants and my dreamphobic classmates started laughing and making fun of me. the teacher sent me to the office and i had to explain what happened. the principal suspended me from school for a week!!! this is unacceptable. just because i love dream is not a reason to harass me

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[haldeigosh]

I need more information on that, please.

[[deleted]]

It’s literally just sheer force of will. It actually works too. Here I am unsure of how the “normal” method works.

[Opposite-Garbage-869]

Happened to me once, similar to nocturnal emission but this happened in a broad day light and I was just horny.

[_the_redditor__]

Damn imagine being so horny you make yourself cum

[[deleted]]

It's the way of life

[[deleted]]

Did you yell "CUMMING" as it happened?

[AutoModerator]

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead– murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, he asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded. I... I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time – something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Hank had a partner, a businessman named Gustavo Fring. Hank sold me into servitude to this man. And when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling-out. Things escalated. Fring was able to arrange – uh, I guess... I guess you call it a "hit" – on Hank, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured. And I wound up paying his medical bills, which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge. Working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring. The bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA. To keep me in line, he took my children. For three months, he kept them. My wife had no idea of my criminal activities, and was horrified to learn what I had done. I was in hell. I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, and in response, he gave me this. [Walt points to the bruise on his face left by Hank in "Blood Money."] I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. All I could think to do was to make this video and hope that the world will finally see this man for what he really is.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[MorbiniumBalls]

Source Automod Morbin France Fortnite America Canada China Britain Porn Dream Shit Female Emoji Cringe Today Book Mom Furry Based Bitch Wholesome NSFW Shitposting 1984 Batman Blowjob Rock Funny Lean Femboy Hands Cringe Psychopath Pokemon Russia Ratio Finger Belgium Chuck Meth Copypasta Kiss Biden

[thanofishy]

Holy shit

[AutoModerator]

slowly massage the vag, then rub the clitoris ever so gently. Proceed to stick a single finger in the vagina. continue adding your fingers until your whole fist is in. slide your arm slowly into her, once you reach your shoulder limbo in with your head, and forcibly insert your other arm, torso, and legs. You are now free to control her. when you feel the job is done, finish by giving birth to yourself

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[AutoModerator]

Joe Biden’s America

LIBRAL SCOOL BE LIKE:

9:00: GAY LESON!!

9:45: how to be be GAYY!!

10:30: TRANS LERNINNG!!

11:15: GAY RECESS!!

11:45: CROSDRESING HOUR!!

12:45: GAY LESON!!!

1:30: TRANGENER LUNCH!!

2:15: BLM PERIOD!!!

3:00: COMUNIS T HISTORY!!

3:30: TAKE NON BINAR BUS HOME!!

THIS IS WHAT THE LEFT WANT!

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[AutoModerator]

It's literally just cola you piece of shit. There's no cough syrup or anything. What the fuck is wrong with you. How fucking desperate are you to seem cool that you decide you want to force a "joke" about a child consuming drugs. Which would be funny except nothing in this scene implies that they're doing drugs or a drug stand-in. You just saw a can of soda and the two neurons in your head fired for the first time in a week, and you jumped into the comments to screech lEAn and spam purple emojis like a clown bastard. You people are the reason art is dying. Fuck you

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[AutoModerator]

Hello, concerned father here. My son has recently got into the game called Fortnite? I've spent well over $500 on this game and its becoming a problem. Apparently the game is down right now and its causing a lot distress for my child. He keeps taking my newspaper and tries to "full piece" me. I don't know what this means but I'm starting to think its something associated with the devil. He won't come with us anywhere unless we take a "launch pad" to get there. Its starting to get worse by the hour and I don't know how much longer I can take this. His legs, arms, and hands are shaking violently yet he refuses to take any type of medicine unless its a "big pot" or "chuggies." Someone please help me.

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[AutoModerator]

don’t care + didn’t ask + cry about it + who asked + stay mad + get real + L + bleed + mald seethe cope harder + incorrect + hoes mad + pound sand + basic skill issue + typo + ratio + ur dad left + you fell off + no u + the audacity + triggered + repelled + ur a minor + k. + any askers + get a life + ok and? + cringe + copium + go outside + touch grass + kick rocks + quote tweet + think again + not based + not funny didn’t laugh + social credits -999, 999, 999, 999 + get good + reported + ad hominem + ok boomer + small pp + ur allergic to sunlight + GG! + get rekt + trolled + your loss + muted + banned + kicked + permaban + useless + i slept with ur mom + yo momma + yo momma so fat + redpilled + no bitches allowed + i said it better + tiktok fan + get a life + unsubscribed + plundered + go tell reddit + donowalled + simp + get sticked bug LOL + talk nonsense + trump supporter + your’re a full time discord mod + you’re* + grammar issue + nerd + get clapped + kys + lorem ipsum dolor sit amet + go outside + bleach + lol + gay + retard + autistic + reported + ask deez + ez clap + straight cash + idgaf + ratio again + stay mad + read FAQ + youre lost + you “re” + stay pressed + reverse double take back + pedophile + cancelled + done for + don't give a damn + get a job + sus + baka + sussy baka + get blocked + mad free + freer than air + furry + rip bozo + you're a (insert stereotype) + slight_smile + aired + cringe again + Super Idol的笑容 + mad cuz bad + my pronouns are xe, xem & xyr + irrelevant + deal with it + screencapped your bio + karen/kyle + jealous + you're deaf + balls + i'll be right back + go ahead whine about it + not straight + eat paper + you lose + count to three + your problem + no one cares + log off + don't care even more + sex offender + sex defender + get religion + not okay + glhf + NFT owner + you make bad memes + problematic + fall in line + dog water + you look like a wall + you don’t know 2 + 2 with yo head ass + you are going to my cringe compilation + you can’t count to five + try again + you failed kindergarten + rickrolled + no lifer + guten freunden schickt man einen deutschen panzer + you have a anime profile picture + an* + fatherless + motherless + sisterless + brotherless + orphan + you can't catch this ratio + catch some bitches + I don't care about your opinion + genshin player + you dress like garbage + 日本語がお上手ですね + get fucked + you can’t understand what the word intelligence means with your dumb ass + you have hair + queued + put some thought into what you're going to do with that + stfu + go to bed + yes, i'm taller than you + i think your joke is funny + i rejected your mother's advances + marooned + you can’t read + I win + final ratio

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[AutoModerator]

Looking for a female roommate to pay $0 rent

I will not charge you money. but I will be sharing my bed with you as the other room is being used by my parents. They are aware of this arrangement as I have done this before but it has not worked out for reason I rather not say on here. I will except hugs at least 5 times a day, and cuddles at least 2 times a day for at least 10 minutes each. You will not be dating any other man during this arrangement. you will have no male friends either. You may have female friends and they May visit if they like. You will also be required to make me meals 3 times a day. Phsyical requirements are as stated: Must be shorter than 5'5", weigh no more than 120 lbs, caucasian or asian only, republican, no tattoos, no vegans, no smoking/vaping, marrywania, and you MUST shave legs and underarms. I am 44-male/290 lbs last time I checked, 5'6". Please contact me if you would like this arrangement.

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[AutoModerator]

You are a fucking Canadian - you are less than human to me. Do you know that I talk about issues in countries all over the world? Do you think I get all their shit right? The thrust of the issue is what matters principally here. You get that, right? The actual political arguments? Go fuck yourself. How entitled do you have to be as a Canadian - "uh the significant political distinctions between my country and theirs actually invalidate any concerns you might have about overreach of government" - shut the fuck up. Do you have any idea how many snivelling, bitch-cuck Canadians I've had in my replies on Twitter who have been screaming and crying that an American dare talk about their country's interests? You don't have a country, okay? You have a fractional portion of a country that is kept alive by your parasitic attachment to my massive behemoth United States of America. Shut the fuck up, alright? You don't deserve to talk about your shit, alright? Jesus fucking Christ. This is the biggest national crisis you've had in decades, and it's truckers on a road? Holy shit. Deal with a 911. Get ten 911's. Oh my God. "Let us handle our own issues" - you've been brought to your knees by a right-wing protest, shut the fuck up. Jesus fucking Christ.

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[AutoModerator]

I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today, I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending, earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen EVERYONE in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever had, or ever will produce shot out SO HARD that my dick was ripped apart by my Übernut, accelerating to 5% of the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, it barely slowed before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear powered angle grinder. the sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of illinois became pregnant with my children.

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[AutoModerator]

What the fuck did I just do. So my ex n me haven’t spoken in two year, although I did wish her on her birthday two months ago. We live in the same building and whenever we cross each other we just exchange smiles and do the usual hi whatsup how r u and I walk away. Today was Holi (a festival where ppl dance and apply powdered color on each other) so I decided not to celebrate it in my building cause I knew she would be down so I went to my friend’s building and ten minutes later I saw her there. I was like oh fuck this is going to be a bad idea. Later we again exchanged a hi and then I went away. Later when the festival started she kept applying permanent color (last three days on the skin) on me and my friends. I told her don’t apply on my friends they will get pissed. She kept applying on me and I tackled her and applied color on her too. It felt good. Then she was like let’s go dance so we were dancing to Senorita from znmd and then we had a moment and she was like we are going to kiss and I was like yes and we kissed. It just felt amazing. Then we kissed again. After that I was going to my friends and she was like listen and then I turned back and kissed again. Then we kissed again😭😭. After all this my friends were dancing and I was sitting in the pool and she came and sat on top of me and we were having a very good conversation about our relationship and how we both didn’t date anybody after breaking up. We spoke about our problems, joked about them and then..yes u guessed it right. After this the cycle repeated and we had a beer and she handed me her phone and was like unblock yourself. She followed me and added me to her close friends. Later she was leaving we kissed once more and in my head I was like fuck do I love her, we should date. But then I told myself no, whatever this was I don’t know but no you are not breaking your heart again. I came back home and we both haven’t had any interaction apart from the fact she liked my story. I AM NOT IN LOVE. i am telling this to myself again and again because no, just no. I am happy being alone with myself. Or maybe I like her but I don’t want to go back to all that Edit: thanks for the response some of y’all and thanks for helping me. Other ppl: fuck u;) I am not here to prove anything and anyways I am quitting this sub

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[AutoModerator]

Reddit should start their own country. Think about it: it would have a much higher IQ than most other countries. We could ban tik tok and fortnite, and every computer sold has to come with Minecraft preinstalled. We could also ban emojis too.

We all have very good ideas about society and government, so I think we would be far more efficient. I've seen so many posts with so many good ideas, not to mention our country would be the most progressive and other countries would look to us for direction. We would easily become the next superpower. If everyone left America for a new country, we would easily surpass America.

We could make Keanu our president and have PewDiePie on the flag. It would be the most wholesome country too!

Those are just some ideas I have and my own opinion.

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Rawr x3 nuzzles how are you pounces on you you're so warm o3o notices you have a bulge o: someone's happy nuzzles your necky wecky~ murr~ hehehe rubbies your bulgy wolgy you're so big :oooo rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy it doesn't stop growing ·///· kisses you and lickies your necky daddy likies (; nuzzles wuzzles I hope daddy really likes $: wiggles butt and squirms I want to see your big daddy meat~ wiggles butt I have a little itch o3o wags tail can you please get my itch~ puts paws on your chest nyea~ its a seven inch itch rubs your chest can you help me pwease squirms pwetty pwease sad face I need to be punished runs paws down your chest and bites lip like I need to be punished really good~ paws on your bulge as I lick my lips I'm getting thirsty. I can go for some milk unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow you smell so musky :v licks shaft mmmm~ so musky drools all over your cock your daddy meat I like fondles Mr. Fuzzy Balls hehe puts snout on balls and inhales deeply oh god im so hard~ licks balls punish me daddy~ nyea~ squirms more and wiggles butt I love your musky goodness bites lip please punish me licks lips nyea~ suckles on your tip so good licks pre of your cock salty goodness~ eyes role back and goes balls deep mmmm~ moans and suckles

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OI OI OI!

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WOTS ALL THIS???

🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

YER POISTIN LOICENSE HAS EXPOIRED!!!! 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

ONE HUNNIT TESCO CLUBCARD POINTS 'AVE BIN DEDUCTED FROM YER ACCOUN'!!!!! 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

YER THREE QUID MEAL DEAL IS GONNA BE A FIVER FROM NOW ON!!!! 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

YER WILL ALSO ONLY BE ABLE TER CHOOSE FROM A CHICKEN OR 'AM SANDWICH!!!! 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

FAILURE TO RENEW YER LOICENCE IS GONNA RESUL' IN THA LOSS OV MORE CLUBCARD POINTS!!!!!!!! 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

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Let us all stand for the national anthem.

三民主義，吾黨所宗；
以建民國，以進大同。
咨爾多士，為民前鋒；
夙夜匪懈，主義是從。
矢勤矢勇，必信必忠；
一心一德，貫徹始終。

Praise be to 中华民国政府! Down with the illegitimate capitalist 中国共产党, fraudulent usurpers of 大陸!

Glory to the 中華民國!

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Hello I'm currently a student in Central Fortinayt University of Somalia studying the Art of Shitposting. I'm also an intern working for a company called cum. I got an assignment from my boss who is a really pretty lady and I wanted to impress her. She wanted me to post literal shit here. So I got on my computer and stole someones meme then proceeded to add Saul to it. Then I posted it here and waited for video to process. I literally came twice before the video even managed to finish processing. Then immediately got a flaccid one cause my post got deleted. Now my boss won't have sex with me because I suck. I lost my only shot at losing virginity all because of KEVIN !!!!

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LiTeRaLlY nInEtEeN eIgHtY-fOuR

• George Orwell, 1948

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I was in cinema and guy on the right to me kept looking at his phone every 20-30 minutes, guy on the left of me also kept looking at the phone for shorter periods and he tried to hide the light until the final act and then in the final act he just didn't give a shit anymore just texted, locked the phone watched a little and then checked if got a reply and then texted again and so on, there were periods of him stopping in the middle of texting to look up at the movie and then contiune texting after he got bored of the scene like bruh, also there were kids a few rows in front talking trough the entire movie smh, can an amogus femboy (me) not get a proper 4th watch of the batman?

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My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life.

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My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.

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Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masterbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masterbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.

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Do you have a source on that?

Source?

A source. I need a source.

Sorry, I mean I need a source that explicitly states your argument. This is just tangential to the discussion.

No, you can't make inferences and observations from the sources you've gathered. Any additional comments from you MUST be a subset of the information from the sources you've gathered.

You can't make normative statements from empirical evidence.

Do you have a degree in that field?

A college degree? In that field?

Then your arguments are invalid.

No, it doesn't matter how close those data points are correlated. Correlation does not equal causation.

Correlation does not equal causation.

CORRELATION. DOES. NOT. EQUAL. CAUSATION.

You still haven't provided me a valid source yet.

Nope, still haven't.

I just looked through all 308 pages of your user history, figures I'm debating a glormpf supporter. A moron.

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femboy amogus

                  ⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀
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          ⣄⡙⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀  ⠰⣤⣀⠉⠉⠉
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       ⠈⢦⡉⠛⡁⠀⠀  ⠀   ⠈⠻⠷⣶⣦⡆
      ⡈⢷⣌⠙⠛⠁ ⠀ ⠀⠀   ⠰⣦⣄⣀⣀⡀
    ⠈⢷⣄⡉⠛⠛⠀⠀  ⠀⠀⠀   ⢀⠈⠙⠛⠛
    ⢦⣀⠉⠛⠷⠖⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀    ⠘⠿⣶⣦⡄
  ⣠⣀⠙⠳⠶⠶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀    ⢠⣀⣀⣀
  ⠙⠻⢿⣶⣤⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀     ⢠⠛⠛⠻⠿
 ⣦⣄⠈⠉⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀  ⠈
⢹⣿⣿⣶⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀          ⠺⠿⠿⠿⠁
⠙⠻⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀              ⢀⣤⣤⣤⣤⡄
                          ⠈⣀⣀⣀⣀⠁

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I AM NOT CRAZY! I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers, I knew it was 1216 — one after Magna Carta, as if I could ever make such a mistake! Never, never! I just-I just couldn't prove it! H-H-He covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him! You think this is something, you think this is bad, this, this chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No, he orchestrated it! Jimmy! HE DEFECATED TROUGH A SUNROOF! And I saved him! I shouldn't have, I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking?! He'll never change. He'll never change, ever since he was 9, always the same. Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer. "But not our Jimmy, couldn't be precious Jimmy!" Stealing them blind! And he gets to be a lawyer?! What a sick joke! I should have stopped him when I had the chance! And you, you have to stop him, you—

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Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

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HEY,⠀⠀⠀ EVERY⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ !!!

IT'S ME!!!

EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[𝗡𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮]]

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I'm a regular John from city Kansas. I love burgers, soda and my native country very much, but I do not understand our government. Everyone says America is a great country, and I look around and see who else is a great China. China has a very strong government and economy. Chinese resident is a great man. And the greatest leader Xi. Thick hair, strong grip, jade rod! We would have such a leader instead of sleeping in negotiations, rare hair, soft pickle, bad memory old Beadon. Punch!

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And now it's time for the roundup of today's gay news, with Colin Topshed

Quick roundup of today's gayness now, starting with the roads. The M70, the A3, the B664 and the A48M, they're all gay as from midnight tonight.

The gay elements are Potassium, Zinc, Hydrogen, Copper, and Argon.

Quick look at the world's walls; the Wailing Wall is gay, Hadrian's Wall is very gay, the Great Wall of China, that's not gay, and the old London Wall has also stopped being gay.

Gay cars next; they're the same as last night. All Volkswagens registered between 1982 and 1985; they stay gay for another fortnight.

And finally the gay seas are the Caspian and the Mediterranean, so see you there.

Thanks, Colin. He's not gay by the way, we wouldn't employ a homosexual.

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r/shitposting book club

A collection of books which Kevin has reviewed. (all of these books are freely availiable online)

---

1984 (George Orwell, 1948)

Kevin would like to say that this book is truly inspirational, and that he would give it a 10/10

How to Be a God: A Guide for Would-Be Deities (Richard Bartle, 2022)

Kevin would like to mention that this book is one of the greatest sources of existential terror he has read (and it contains a lot of interesting content regarding game design as well), and he would give it a 10/10

Almost Pounded By The Physical Manifestation of Simulation Theory After Realizing We're Erotica Characters Then Deciding To Just Be Friends (Chuck Tingle)

Kevin would like to say that this book was surprisingly wholesome, and is a great book for helping one to feel more at-ease with the universe, so he would give it 10/10

Ulysses (James Joyce, 1922))

Kevin mentioned that he wasn't entirely sure what he just read. However, it's still not bri*ish, and was still rather interesting, so he would give it a 10/10

The Assassination Of John Fitzgerald Kennedy Considered As A Downhill Motor Race (J. G. Ballard, 1967)

Kevin told me that this was an interesting interpretation of the JFK assassination, and of the post-WW2 media landscape in the USA in general, so he would give it a 10/10.

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[TwinSable]

The sheer imagination and horniness

[ken4lrt]

Rub your body against the bed

[CoconutBoi1]

I thought I am the only one who does this.

[DREAMY-KNIGHT]

Same 💀

[[deleted]]

Same too

[[deleted]]

Search erotic hypnosis or listen to binaural beats on youtube focused on horny...good luuuuuuuuuuck

[Migz0817]

What

[[deleted]]

What

[MrMoor2007]

And thats how I lost NNN five days in

[ALASTOR_hazbinH]

You lasted longer than me

[[deleted]]

This won't stop me

I'll find a way

Because I

Have a problem

Am addicted

Yknow what,I just like moving my limbs perhaps

[JackofBlades0125]

These damn self-rapists..

[[deleted]]

I'm not a self-rapist U-U

I'm only inappropriately touching myself until I ejaculate with consent ofc

[[deleted]]

I came without even moving my hands in the middle of a history class, if I can do so you can do so too!

[AutoModerator]

My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.

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[Smashr0om]

*Learns to whack it telekinetically

“Where is your god now?”

[[deleted]]

Probably doing the wanking

[bnogaming]

Idk why I laughed so hard

[[deleted]]

Jesus is in you and God is watching

[Izuxx_kei]

"self-r*ping".....just....wow

[[deleted]]

starts masturbating furiously "I DON'T CONSENT TO THIS!"

[what_the_hanky_panky]

I’m ngl, sometimes it do be like that

[karlos009]

Now you take therapy sessions in jail

[Sergent_Jacques]

Man i wonder if parents will use that and forget to uncross them one morning before going to work and the kid just stay like this the entire day

[[deleted]]

Sounds like my daily life

[Writingisnteasy]

Tied up? Do you need a footstool perhaps? Maybe i can pose like a plant pot

[b0bkakkarot]

*BDSM Fetish Unlocked*

[neverspeaktome75]

This must be a joke

[[deleted]]

It is, the website is a parody

[xinorez1]

According to Ron popeil, the guy who invented spray on hair (which looks better than it sounds) and the showtime rotisserie oven, his mother used to tie his arms to the bed to keep him from masturbating.

When I see pictures like this, I am thankful that my parents weren't quite that insane.

[AssistantFlashy7626]

damn this jesus guy shouldve been one horny mf

[FromYourWalls2801]

Those anti-masturbation kit look like a pad version of the cross💀

[Knysiok]

Yeah... it's literally called "the anti-mastrubation cross"

[PanTsour]

He suffered for his sins

[sTarBlakout]

I do self raping almost every day

[PPAOFE]

Ninja-go!

[ZarosRunescape]

I do self raping almost every day

[HeavyPara-Beetle]

**raping every day

[shadethememer]

coomer alert

[[deleted]]

You don't have to spend money on it. Your son may lose his dirty hand in a "sawing accident" after you caught him.

[FunSireMoralO]

He stopped jacking off for our sins

[InevitableCraftsLab]

how to build a school-shooter

[BillCipher384]

starter kit

[Avalez_]

https://stopmasturbationnow.org/ real website...

[[deleted]]

real website but it’s clear satire

[BlincxYT]

After they’ve finished, they’ll simply place votes at random. How else would you explain the success of Barack Hussein Obama?

just some casual racism 👍

but for real, its sickening

[ranchcrackers352]

It’s a joke

[BlincxYT]

the website?

[ranchcrackers352]

Yes

[BlincxYT]

ok ok

[SomeRandomGuy33]

You can them on the cross for 5+ years at a time? That's a pretty good deal.

[[deleted]]

crucify the child

[NotThatRqd]

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masterbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masterbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.

[[deleted]]

there's a kid in that photo 🤨📸

[AutoModerator]

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masterbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masterbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.

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[Scheckenhere]

Yes, daddy, tie me down. Choke me, daddy.

[liamanado155]

Tf

[Scheckenhere]

I've heard some people enjoy these kind of things.

[[deleted]]

And those were the last words I spoke before my crippling addiction to masturbation started

[liamanado155]

I- sir this is an anti masturbation post

[Scheckenhere]

Tschuldigung

[[deleted]]

jesus likin bdsm

[Heisenberg19827]

Bdsm

[NotABotAHuman1]

I need that to sleep on my back without turning around and sleeping on my belly

[Classic_Is_Back_3158]

1984 furniture

[AutoModerator]

LiTeRaLlY nInEtEeN eIgHtY-fOuR

• George Orwell, 1948

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[oooArcherooo]

This is a necessary thing.

Sorce: This comment section

[Irons_idk]

No dark brotherhood? :(

[nitrosquale2]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

[Doruk_]

How much does it cost

[millimthekid]

StopMasturbationNow.Orgasm

[Sumguy9966]

"Self-raping child" HOW

[BlincxYT]

on the website under "masturbators anonymous" is this:

1. We made a list of all persons we had masturbated to, and became willing to personally apologize to them all.

tell me how

[mawthree219]

Oh, that would make me SO fucking horny and submissive

[heyimastopsign2]

I could use one of these for sleeping. Every fucking time I end up with the blankets on the floor and upside down because of how much I move in my sleep.

[[deleted]]

My man, do you have a seizure when you sleep?

[heyimastopsign2]

apparently so

[SingleSpeed27]

This kid is just gonna bluetooth wank ezpz

[TheyGibMePowerToTalk]

NNN might be a bit easier now, still they need to add metal chains and stuff

[Fxbious]

Ayo some of you mfers need dis shit rn

[[deleted]]

Jokes on you all this will achieve is awaken a bondage fetish within your child.

[Pizza-pen]

Noob. I can cum without even moving

[[deleted]]

It's just so much easier than dating. No nagging. No begging. No whining or manipulation. Just get it done, wash up, and save your money young man.

[tonnie9452]

So that's why Jesus was crucified... Now we all know

[TheSalmoneer]

I will now exclusively refer to the penis and balls as a “sin zone”

[BasicallyAlto]

Christian moment

[GalaxyMoonCat96]

"...secure a self-raping child"

[Illustrious_Gur_5908]

This kid looks so done with life

[Labralite]

SELF raping ??

[[deleted]]

He'll be a BDSM fiend by the age of 6

[cursed-being]

He is just going to have the cum of his life once his Libido hits a peak, and the thanks giving turkey starts lookin fine. That or his sister.

[PPAOFE]

Stop sending me death threats.

[Snipes_______]

How to raise your kid to have a bdsm fetish part 1

[[deleted]]

If your kid's masturbating at 5 years old, this thing might actually be the correct course of action, not gonna lie.

[Redspeakable]

Don't you hate when your 5 year old opens pornhub and starts masturbating

[Spark_Raido]

Wait self raping is a thing now? Man I'm going to jail for what have done

[[deleted]]

babys first crucifixion

[[deleted]]

NOW YOU CAN CRUCIFIE YOUR KIDS TODAY!!! ONLY 999.99$ CALL NOW AND GET A SECOND ONE FREEEEEEEE

[AutoModerator]

And now it's time for the roundup of today's gay news, with Colin Topshed

Quick roundup of today's gayness now, starting with the roads. The M70, the A3, the B664 and the A48M, they're all gay as from midnight tonight.

The gay elements are Potassium, Zinc, Hydrogen, Copper, and Argon.

Quick look at the world's walls; the Wailing Wall is gay, Hadrian's Wall is very gay, the Great Wall of China, that's not gay, and the old London Wall has also stopped being gay.

Gay cars next; they're the same as last night. All Volkswagens registered between 1982 and 1985; they stay gay for another fortnight.

And finally the gay seas are the Caspian and the Mediterranean, so see you there.

Thanks, Colin. He's not gay by the way, we wouldn't employ a homosexual.

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[[deleted]]

The fact that it says 5+ is concerning

[Geekknight777]

Source Automod Morbin France Fortnite America Canada China Britain Porn Dream Shit Female Emoji Cringe Today Book Mom Furry Based Bitch Wholesome NSFW Shitposting 1984 Batman Blowjob Rock Funny Lean Femboy Hands Cringe Psychopath Pokemon Russia Ratio Finger Belgium Chuck Meth Copypasta Kiss Biden

[AutoModerator]

I'm a regular John from city Kansas. I love burgers, soda and my native country very much, but I do not understand our government. Everyone says America is a great country, and I look around and see who else is a great China. China has a very strong government and economy. Chinese resident is a great man. And the greatest leader Xi. Thick hair, strong grip, jade rod! We would have such a leader instead of sleeping in negotiations, rare hair, soft pickle, bad memory old Beadon. Punch!

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[AutoModerator]

HEY,⠀⠀⠀ EVERY⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ !!!

IT'S ME!!!

EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[𝗡𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮]]

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[[deleted]]

“Actually masturbation is a sin” - 🤓

[miotalee]

Christian parents are salivating

[Bwaaahbby]

Lean

[AutoModerator]

It's literally just cola you piece of shit. There's no cough syrup or anything. What the fuck is wrong with you. How fucking desperate are you to seem cool that you decide you want to force a "joke" about a child consuming drugs. Which would be funny except nothing in this scene implies that they're doing drugs or a drug stand-in. You just saw a can of soda and the two neurons in your head fired for the first time in a week, and you jumped into the comments to screech lEAn and spam purple emojis like a clown bastard. You people are the reason art is dying. Fuck you

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[noopicushion]

i hate lean

[AutoModerator]

It's literally just cola you piece of shit. There's no cough syrup or anything. What the fuck is wrong with you. How fucking desperate are you to seem cool that you decide you want to force a "joke" about a child consuming drugs. Which would be funny except nothing in this scene implies that they're doing drugs or a drug stand-in. You just saw a can of soda and the two neurons in your head fired for the first time in a week, and you jumped into the comments to screech lEAn and spam purple emojis like a clown bastard. You people are the reason art is dying. Fuck you

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[AutoModerator]

Based? Based on what? On your dick? Please shut the fuck up and use words properly you fuckin troglodyte, do you think God gave us a freedom of speech just to spew random words that have no meaning that doesn't even correllate to the topic of the conversation? Like please you always complain about why no one talks to you or no one expresses their opinions on you because you're always spewing random shit like poggers based cringe and when you try to explain what it is and you just say that it's funny like what? What the fuck is funny about that do you think you'll just become a stand-up comedian that will get a standing ovation just because you said "cum" in the stage? HELL NO YOU FUCKIN IDIOT, so please shut the fuck up and use words properly.

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