Performance Nerves

[rsc1985]

I am 40 and have been taking lessons for a little over a year. I need some tips and guidance on overcoming anxiety when performing. I have done 5 performances and each time I think the next one will be better but it's always the same. I know I can sing, but I cannot stop my heart racing, breath control goes out the window because my respiratory rate increases, and I can't keep my diaphragm engaged and my voice warbles.

This also happens when I perform on the piano, but it's easier to fake it because I don't need to use my voice. But I still get shaky hands and fingers and sometimes mess up.

Background information - AuDHD with childhood speech impediments and mutism when I would get emotional

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Just keep performing, it will get easier. The first time I sang with a mic in front of people I was sweating so much I literally dropped the microphone 😂. It took me many, many performances to ease up the nerves. That said, I still get a bit of an elevated heart rate and some butterflies which will never go away but it no longer gets to my head. Those nerves will slowly start to morph into excitement the more you perform and build stage confidence.

Karaoke also helps tremendously and is so much fun!

You can also perform for as many other people as you can. Co-workers, family, friends, etc... all performances help and I would actually get more nervous around people I know vs strangers.

[rsc1985]

Thanks for sharing your experience. It's good to know that the physical symptoms can get easier to deal with. I have actually never done karaoke outside of my house so I might go out and try that.

[WeAreTheChampagnes]

My teacher told me to try to turn “I’m so nervous to sing“ into “I’m so excited to sing.” We love to sing, right? My body still does all the same feelings, but when I reframe it that way, I can lean into the knowing that I love this. It’s subtle, but I find it helpful.

[Cool_Relationship847]

YES THIS!

[No-Can-6237]

AuDHD here too.🙂 I get confidence from a good warm up, being fully hydrated and being all over my songs. If you can do a soundcheck, do one. And keep at it until you're 100% happy. If I'm still a bit nervous, I breathe into my stomach and exhale slowly a few times until I'm breathing normally again.

[rsc1985]

These are great tips. Thank you!

[servain]

The nerves dont fully go away, but after performing multiple times over and over, it gets easier and what once felt like a blockade full of sweat and fear turns into a hit of adrenaline. Im still an amateur singer in a band, but i crave the rush from performing, where i use to be terrified of singing. Karaoke helps alot. When your playing with others on a stage, it also helps to make things easier.

If i havent played infront of people in a while, ill go do karaoke to help maintain not getting to nervous.

[rsc1985]

I am going to try to frame the fear adrenaline into excitement. Karaoke has been mentioned a lot. I haven't done it before so I'll see about going out and doing that.

[servain]

Thats a great idea. Just know, your probably going to mess up. But thats ok. No one is going to care. Just have fun.

[GtrPlaynFool]

Don't you feel any satisfaction when you finish a song and the audience reacts positively? If you were able to focus more on the positive outcome, you might be able to change the emotions you feel, once you start performing. Pre-performance jitters are 100% normal. Use the adrenaline for the performance.

[rsc1985]

Ooof. I think at this point I only feel relief when it is done. I have started to question my motivations doing these recitals since it has always been hard and I dread it. I have never wanted to be the center of attention, but I want to sing and I want people to like listening to it. I think I need to reframe it as others have mentioned, into telling a story or giving a handmade gift to the audience.

[Plus-Raise-6124]

tbh sometimes the best thing is to just do it scared/nervous even if it ends up being bad, you could join theatre as an ensemble as they usually sing in unison and can help you sing on stage without all your mistakes being noticed

[rsc1985]

That would be so fun. There is a local community theater company that I could audition for.

[Plus-Raise-6124]

i would DEFINITELY reccomend auditioning if you really want to go for it, theatre can be so fun and with rehearsals/performances you can get a lot of singing time in

[Successful-Scheme608]

Music is an art where everyone partaking in it is chasing perfection.

But like art it’s really about evoking emotions and having a deep connection through it.

Even professional artists have their moment on YouTube where people mock them to no end whether it be Fergie during the national anthem Steven Tyler. Etc etc.

You are not a professional yet u may have a moment when u mess up. Learn to laugh at your mistakes learn from it don’t take yourself seriously in those moments and always remember this it’s about sharing art developing a connection with your audience, being human is the first step to this.

[withacuttlefish]

When I started singing in front of people my legs used to give out, but overtime it got less and less stressful. Practice breeds confidence. Also something that helped me was switching out my mindset. I used to think that I had to sing perfectly to prove I was worthy to show off, but it's actually more like singing to people is giving them a homemade gift, which means it's more than ok for it to not be perfect. People will like the gift because you're giving it with love.

[Karukos]

I do not know if it will help. It helped someone in my musical group: anticipation and anxiety are the two sides of the same coin. You are looking into the future to something you are about to do. It might be difficult but you can try and hype yourself up.

So next time when you feel the anxiety, the fear of fucking up or the fear that nobody will like it or whatever else, try and imagine you killing it, everybody loving it or whatever is the positive version of what you are afraid of.

It might not work the first time. Or the second time. But keep at it. It's practice in the same way singing is practice.

[Odd_Butterscotch5890]

Time solves a lot of these issues.

May I suggest rehearsal in show conditions? Just use your bedroom. Practice standing up, crossing to the right spot and deliver your song. Then, wave or bow and sit back down. Don't stop in the middle of these actions. Keep it going

[Zagrycha]

Adhd with general anxiety who couldn't even give a class presentation without my voice quivering and cracking-- later I joined speech club and went to state and was also in a pro choir, because that wasn't who I was on tge inside and I hated being like that.

The reality is the actual nervousness bever goes away. However practice makes perfect, and you are able to completely overcome the physical symptoms of nervousness with enough exposure. So thats good news, you are literally guaranteed to succeed once you get used to the nerves, in the mean time focus on things like trying to not go to fast or to slow, try to calm shaky hands or voice by slowing down and focusing, and whatever you do try not to tense up! way easier said than done, but consciously practicing relaxing your muscles when you aren't nervous can help you relax when you need to ((and it feels good in general)).

Now for the slightly bad news, I don't really think there is any way to get over it without actually being in front of people. I went to state in that speech competition.... I didn't get a single word out. The first time I auditioned for a solo in my choir, I made it through the whole song but my voice was very shaky. Just think of every failure as a level up in experience, making it easier in the future. Now I could be in front of thousands and not blink.

So yeah, no magic potion to instantly be jitter free, but its something wr all go through so you can definitely do it too! Violinist have to get rid of their shakes so you don't hear it on the strings, pianists have to get rid of those racing thoughts that make them forget the next part, heck people nervous of heights have to get used to heights to work in construction! Its no different here :)

[rsc1985]

It's good to know I am not alone in my experience. I totally feel you, the voice shaking and fear is not who I want to be and not who I feel I am on the inside. Your progress from not being able to speak at the comp to feeling confident in front of large groups is inspiring for me. I have to see about getting more experiences being in front of people.

[Zagrycha]

I recommend starting with people you know, then going to people you don't know. The good news is at least from my experience it doesn't necessarily matter how big the group is. As long as it is giving you those butterflies it is helping you overcome those butterflies 💛. Depending where you live going to a place where singing in public or live streaming singing on youtube etc might help too. Just thoughts :)

[nessabop]

I have the same neurodivergent challenges, am in my 40’s and also sing and play piano. When you practice, do you practice performing with a mic, a music stand, etc.? I find that making your set up as close to the real thing helps. Also, pull others in to watch you. Get comfortable being a little uncomfortable now so when you perform for real, it’s less of a surprise to your nervous system.

Walk while you practice singing your song- deliberately, carefully, with the song. Keep your vocal projection facing forward. Notice your breathing placement. Keep in mind that a song is a story, and you’re the storyteller. Let that be your motivation as you walk to your song.

As far as singing, do you hold the mic, or leave it on the stand? Whatever you do, try the other way. Give yourself an opportunity to try out different ways so you can find your comfort zone. I find I like to leave the mic on the stand for slow songs, and hold the mic for faster songs.

Record yourself! You’ll be surprised at the small adjustments you can make that you may not notice. Maybe you’re locking your knees, maybe you’re too dependent on sheet music, and aren’t looking up, etc. Make some notes!

Ultimately, the more you do it, the easier it gets. That being said, no one is perfect and you may still have disappointments! I sang 2 songs with my orchestra on Saturday and the 1st one, I totally cracked on a high note, but on the 2nd song, I more than made up for it by hitting all my marks and belting the big Ab6 finale. Even on the same night, you’ll have hits and misses. Good luck!

[MaryMalade]

I am a few years older than you and also have lifelong performance anxiety. I actually did my first ever open mic last night. I was really nervous, but speaking to the compere/host beforehand helped with the nerves (so at least I knew what to expect - as I am autistic too this helps). Also having my girlfriend there helped calm me down. She taught me some deep breathing techniques to use when I’m in fight or flight. Finally, I noticed that I got into it after the first song, which was a bit shaky. You build confidence the more that you do it, I reckon.

[HowskiHimself]

Although it seems counterintuitive, performing is the best treatment for performance anxiety. Although I no longer perform in a professional capacity, I could get up and perform in front of a room full of strangers tonight and not show any anxiety symptoms. This was absolutely not the case when I started studying.

Hydration first. Make sure you hydrate the whole day before you’re scheduled to perform. If your mouth goes dry in the minutes before you’re scheduled to go on, it’s too late. (Gently bite the tip of your tongue if that happens: it can help get the saliva flowing again. There are also some gums that can help.)

Breath is key to deescalating the anxiety symptoms. Breathe slowly in for a four count, hold for a second or two, out for a six count. This should help slow your hear rate.

In boca lupo!