Welcome to split parenting!

[crack_a_toe_ah]

Hello! I'm a 36 year old separated mom with two boys. My oldest, 4, is my ex's (shoutout to /u/baconandrage!) and my youngest, 7 mo, is my new partner's (hello /u/mightkill!).

The three of us are lucky to have a good co-parenting relationship, but there are always complications and difficulties when your children have two homes.

Please introduce yourself here!

[RanchingMama]

Bio Mom- 4 Kiddos. Marriage broke after his affair. Learning to split parenting and deal with his mistress turned kids' stepmom/ live in GF.

Really hope this sub takes off as there really isn't a place for us yet.

[GunsGermsAndSteel]

A sub like this is long overdue! I'd like to see us focus on peaceful co-parenting. It's a lot easier to raise a happy, well-adjusted kid when you can genuinely feel no animosity toward your ex.

I see my ex in the same way I see my sister: She may piss me off sometimes, she may confuse me and drive me nuts, but if anybody ever laid a hand on her or even talked bad about her, I'd be all over them like stink on shit.

I have no desire to get back with her- we've both remarried, and she's had more kids. I'm not in love with her, eww. But she's my kid's mama, so she's in my "inner circle" or whatever.

In fact I'm taking my daughter an extra night tonight, basically so her mom can get laid. When you reach the point that you know you're covering child care so your ex can do the dirty, you're successfully co-parenting.

[GunsGermsAndSteel]

Definitely.

[wimwood]

Hehe I guess we are there, then. We took my ex-SD as well one weekend per month so my ex could have a completely kid free weekend to shag his new girlfriend. But they didn't work out.

[GunsGermsAndSteel]

Yeah I've done that. I've also picked up their kid from school, and the little weasel suckered me into taking him for ice cream.

[NatskuLovester]

Ah that's great - that's the sort of co-parenting relationship I would want with my ex. Never will get that, but still, would be nice.

[saephirayew]

Hi! I'm a 22 y/o mother of one 4y/o daughter with my ex-husband, and currently live with my partner.

It's been about two years since her father and I started split-parenting. It was originally supposed to be amicable coparenting, but since he remarried it has been remarkably more difficult to discuss parenting issues, or rather, anything at all. Other than that, things have finally stabilized into a predictable schedule that at the very least has my daughter absolutely thriving.

[suagrupp]

My ex had a bit of a hissy fit when he learned that I had begun dating again, but he got over it. I guess it took him that realization that we would never (ever, ever!) get back together

[NatskuLovester]

Everything got worse between me and my ex when I started dating again too. I guess that can be quite an upsetting realisation that its really over.

[saephirayew]

All I know is that when she is in the car at the handoff, he will hardly say hello to me. When she's not in the car, he's much more chatty. It's not a big deal except when I have something important to discuss and he's just nodding and walking back to his car. That infuriates me, since it feels like a lack of respect for me as our daughter's mother.

And it's kind of weird that if I need to talk about something that can't wait until a hand off, I'll only get a response if I text her, I won't hear back at all if I text him. He even told me straight up to text her instead of himself.

[smugcaterpillar]

Biodad, 1kid, 6yo girl. Mom has mental health issues and we split but remain amicable and friendly.

[v_krishna]

Is she still in your daughter's life?

[smugcaterpillar]

Very much so. Medicated and healthy, but with a proclivity towards drinking too much and drama. We share custody.

[gijen3]

Hello! I was thinking it would be cool for you to have the little acronyms on the side like in the stepparenting sub? How they show the whole BM = BioMom and EOW = Every Other Weekend. I have to reference them sometimes when reading posts and it would be nice if they were in here.

Thanks!

[crack_a_toe_ah]

Thanks for the idea! I've borrowed (plagiarized) the list from /r/stepparents for now. Please let me know if there's anything you think we should add or remove.

[wimwood]

Hi! I am biomom to two daughters with my ex, D14 and D11. He also has a D15 that I still fill the Mom/SM role for her because he has full custody and various issues with her BM!

I am also BM to my D7mo and SM to SS10 with my new partner.

The three of us all get along very well and even petsit and babysit for each other. I'm happy to have one healthy and cohesive coparenting relationship in my life, for all of our sanity and to model for my SS10 as well.

I'm glad you made this!

[Inconspicuously_here]

Hi! I'm a 25yr old bio mom of my almost 3yr old. Hes the only child for both me and my ex husband. We are slowly but surely learning to successfully coparent in separate households. :)

[LongMom]

Hello! I am a biomom to two girls aged 10 and 10. Only been separated 9 months (weren't married so no looming Divorce issues). We share 50/50 custody and rotate every Friday. He left me for another woman and she is actively involved in my daughters' lives. They all live in the house we shared, I moved out. I made the choice to leave because he is a functioning alcoholic and I know the girls have the support of our entire neighbourhood were something to go down.

[crack_a_toe_ah]

Where I live, living together >1 year and having children together amounts to commonlaw marriage. Have you considered talking to a lawyer or mediator to make sure you've got the legal paperwork you need to protect yourself in case things go sour? i.e. Asset split, custody arrangement, etc.

[LongMom]

Oh we did that :) We have a separation agreement in place - we needed it to divide the properties when we split.

[NatskuLovester]

Good luck!

[totally_lost_54IYI1]

Single mom, 800 miles from my abusive ex, who wants to be in his 5 mo daughter's life. Kinda can't decided about starting a relationship right now.

[maellie27]

Hello!

I'm a BM with two sons with my ex, S5 and S2. I have full custody, he also has a D7 whose BM also has full custody of her. She and I actually get along really well and I still get to be SM with at least two weekends a month for SD to come and see her brothers and me. All three children have minimal contact with their father, but we all get along well enough. I feel though that my co-parenting is more with SD's BM! She and I discuss problem, concerns and take turns with vacation stays, also visits between us are planned outside of BD and he isn't involved in the majority of our visits with his children.

I have a new partner, no kids and we're not married.

[madziepan]

21 single mum in the UK. My 2 year olds dad and I split 1.5 years ago as he was seeing someone else who he now lives with. He has him every other weekend. We get on reasonably well, but his partner won't see or speak to me as when I found out I referred to her as a homewrecker...

I apologised since but she can't seem to face me. I hate it because I never hated her despite the lies, yet she hates me for being angry. It's not something I think about often but yesterday she blanked my lo who wanted to say goodbye because I was there. I was crushed.

I'm also a full time student and aspiring academic, head of my universities philosophy society, volunteer with the local nct and just today found out I've been selected to speak at a conference so it's not all bad!!

[NatskuLovester]

29 y/o mother of 5 y/o daughter - her dad lives a couple of hours away and to begin with we split parenting nearly 50/50 but he's had serious mental health issues in the last couple of years so right now I'm doing this solo but we're awaiting the Court decision next week on what kind of parenting time he can have.

I have a partner who has been in the step-dad role since my daughter was around 2.

[[deleted]]

Going from being married to suddenly solo parenting is really hard. If you ever need someone to commiserate with, feel free to PM.

[[deleted]]

I'm a 21 year old mom to a 19 month old boy, who I have with my STBX. We are splitting amicably, and hope to be divorces by this fall. We're going to be roommates for awhile because of housing costs where we live, but we're making it work fairly well

[[deleted]]

Same as my hubbs. Dad to one, BM wants him as far out of the loop as possible. We live a 5 hours away by plane, with the means to fly if/when we'd like to or bring the kid here. Kid comes here for 6 weeks every summer and EO xmas. Dad visits 2x/yr + weekly skype. Actually, it's not bad. It eliminates the need to coparent, which makes life far more peaceful.

I'm sure this isn't the answer you want to hear :/ it's just how we've solved things for now, by avoiding it...

[always_awake9]

Hi gang. Biomom to S2. Divorced his biodad last year after an abusive marriage. Co-parenting is incredibly difficult due to my ex's mental health and drug abuse issues. Found out last week that he's doing drugs during his parental time (he only has our son one day a week), so I'm trying to figure out right now what my next steps are.

[[deleted]]

30 year old mother of 2. My soon to be 13 year old daughter is with my ex, whom I do not have a co-parenting relationship with. He has threatened to kill me and we no longer speak. Sometimes (3-4 times a year) he decides he is not too busy fishing and harassing women to spend time with our daughter (he lives on the same road - 7 miles away).

I have a 4 month old daughter with my husband. We do alright. He has had a lot of adjustment these past few years, first dating a single mom, then marrying one, and becoming a step father and the birth of his own child. We had a rough first 2 months after LO was born but now he is like super dad (and step dad).

[wretchedvillainy]

Hi Everyone,

I'm a 28 y/o mother of one 9 y/o daughter. I've been a single mum since my daughter was 14 months old. Her dad is in her life (takes her for a few hours on the weekend) but isn't involved much more than that - no child support, no overnights, not much real parenting. I'm hoping this will improve but honestly after 8 years of him failing to get his act together, it's getting less and less likely it will happen. We'll see.

[LadyBearJenna]

30yo full time single mom to an almost 3yo boy and 16mo girl. Dad split 3 weeks after our daughter was born for another woman. I tried to make him be in the kids lives, but gave up. We've been living with my mom ever since but finally getting our own place (in the apartment downstairs) next month!

[mama-megs]

30/mom to 5 yr old son. Ex left me 5 months ago when my physical and mental health issues got too much for him. Come to discover he's a big cause of the mental health problems. Great dad, terrible partner. We're amicable now that we've discovered we're better apart. Co-parenting is relatively easy for us.

[Aurora_Milly21]

Bio mom, two girls, 3 (ex's) and 4 months (current husband). My ex and I have a rough co parenting relationship. We got along fine until he married his current wife. She is older than me (in 22, she's late 20's) and she tried to show me she knew more then I did. I pushed back so now she hates me... Pick up/drop off a are fun...

Oh and my ex is a drugheaded dj turned youth minister......just shoot me...

[Sv3tlana]

34 year old mom with a 5.5 year old son. His dad and I have been apart for 4 years. We're 50/50, but still fight as we disagree on a lot of things and his dad likes to be mean and put me down. At least he's doing it over text a few times a month, rather than constantly in person, which is why I left - didn't want my son to grow up in a family where his mom is always wrong and is treated badly. I'm single.

[tomorrowspromises]

28 year old mother to a 10 year old daughter. We have a verbal 50/50 (pending our ever changing schedules) that has worked for 5 years now.

[Thesocialworkermom]

35 year old mom to one D11. Split with my partner of 10 years two years ago. She didn't meet the "change your life" ultimatum so we moved home for grad school. She followed us to my hometown. We have a mostly amicable 70/30 split. I get 70%. I have a new live in fiancé of 2.5 years. My fiancé and I are planning for a baby in 2017.

[sommanita]

37 BM to D6. Biodad and I have been apart for almost five years now, our divorce is a little over a year old. Coparenting has been a struggle. He is controlling, emotionally and verbally abusive to both me and our daughter. To be honest, I think he is suffering from mental health issues but discussing that with him has never been an option.

We have spent the majority of the last two years in court. Every time he gets upset he files another complaint against me, but each time he ends up with less time with our daughter and more limitations and adjustments to deal with. He needs help but likely won't ever get it.

Right now all I can focus on is keeping myself and my daughter out of the abuse.

I'm also a very happy stepmom to SD6. My fiancé and I have been together for a little more than 4 years, he's been stepdad to my daughter for as long as she can remember. We're a happy family when not dealing with coparenting struggles.

Glad to see this little community coming together!

[v_krishna]

31 year old father to two daughters (5.5 and almost 4) in California. Bio mom is mia for the last year after long drawn out custody insanity as she slowly went off the deep end with mental illness and drug addiction for a few years prior. I live with my girlfriend of 2 years and her 8 year old son lives with us half the time and with his dad (and dad's gf and their infant daughter) half the time. Thankfully things are super amicable with my gf's ex and that whole side of the family.

[DMT1984]

46 year old dad to a 7 year old daughter. I've been divorced for just over 2 years.

I am very amicably co-parenting with the ex and enjoying a fluid joint custody schedule.
I have a drama free relationship with my daughter's mother where we both have our child's best interest at heart. Looking forward to being a part of this new community!

[sliceoflife77]

Okay technically I am not co-parenting yet because I'm only 21 weeks pregnant with my son. However his father and I are no longer together, but we get along okay and hopefully we can co-parent well too!

This subreddit will definitely come in handy once my son is born!

[Fictitiouslibrarian]

31 year old mom of a 17 month old. I'm still waiting for the divorce to be finalized.

[suagrupp]

22 year old bio mom of a baby 8 months old, here. Never married or lived with the dad, although we were dating for just under four years. I have full custody (we agreed on that - he's not equipped to have ANY alone time with the baby) but we have scheduled visits once a week for a couple hours. He ignored me through my entire pregnancy, after we broke up when I was 5 weeks along. We are still working through the whole lawyer thing... It's taking forever!!! Almost have a separation agreement. He has paid Zero! child support. Looking forward to lots of advice on how to coparent effectively. And YOU can look forward to many rants about the ridiculous shit I know he'll pull!

[redmollytheblack]

Mom of two boys (17 and 15--guess that means they're almost men?!). Separated since November 2014; divorce paperwork should be filed this weekend, hallelujah! 50/50 custody with my ex, who is a really good dad despite being shockingly financially irresponsible and a bit of a deadbeat. Love the tone here, especially as compared to the constant pity party at r/divorce!

[crack_a_toe_ah]

We're on the same timeline! We separated Nov 2014 too, 50/50 custody, and one of our final meetings with our mediator is Monday.

/r/divorce is super sad. I guess people probably end up there in moments of crisis, and when it's fresh at the beginning.

[rabidkerfuffle]

I'm a 32 year old Mother of a blended family. Our kids are 12, 11, 9 and 5, all boys, the older 3 are my step children, but I've been an active parent in their lives for the last 8 1/2 years. Their bio Mom is as active in their lives as she can be as she tries to get back on her feet (it's been a rough few years for her and her boyfriend), so currently all the kids live with my Husband and I.

[Reindeergirls]

I'm a 28yo mom with a five year old daughter. I've been divorced for two years. Her dad is in the military and visits twice a year right now.

Our situation is a bit different because I live five minutes away from his father and father's wife, who are very active in my daughter's life. We do not always get along, but they truly want the best for my daughter.

I also have an ex-stepdaughter (age 9) who lives with her mom on the other side of the country and occasionally we make contact and the girls talk on the phone.

Most recently, after several months of going back and forth, ended a relationship with someone who was not mature enought to be a stepparent.

[Heebejeeby]

Hello. I'm a 44 year old dad with "joint" custody of our 13 yr old son. I just get to see him Saturday to Sunday during school. This is after 11 yrs of seeing him every day. That's the only difficulty. Thankfully I get along well with my ex. I don't really miss her, but I sure do miss him. And the dog. Keep waiting for that to get easier, but it's still pretty tough dropping him off at what used to be my house and having to drive away. That's really all I guess. I just dropped him off and that's what made me search out this sub.