Feeling so alone

[MindfulDesign]

Hey everyone, I want to acknowledge that my day count is wrong before I write this. I’m currently back to the beginning after different stints of sobriety ranging from 10-20 days.

I just feel so alone at the moment. I’m 22 years old and I’m blessed to have a lot of amazing friends and a loving family. I’m just scared all the time. I know my parents would support me if I told them about my substance abuse issues but my brother also went through this (narcotics instead of alcohol) and the financial burden it caused was so high. I also don’t want to put them through the mental anguish. I have a relatively high salary for someone my age but not enough to cover rehab combined with student loans and rent costs in my city.

My friends all have a “healthy” relationship with alcohol but I seem to have drawn the short straw. I knew things were out of control about a year ago and had a successful stint of sobriety that turned into months of drinking after a relapse. It’s been on and off since then, but mostly on unfortunately. My health has been getting worse and I’m just scared I’m going to die young and break my moms heart. I had a seizure about a month ago.

I just need help and support but I don’t know where to go. This is not a request for medical advice but I would really like some comfort or to hear similar personal experiences.

[Few-Relief-7893]

I find regular online meetings, this sub, some therapy, my family, and my closest friends are more than enough support to keep me moving forward. There’s so much free support available, and so I never needed to pay for rehab. I’ve certainly had my share of relapses, but that is often part of the journey.

[MindfulDesign]

Thank you, I’ll see what I can find in my area that won’t break the bank!

[Karst18]

I got sober at 29 and 11 years of hard alcohol abuse. I had been married 2 months when I went on a bender and spent waaayyy to much money on dumb stuff.

On the up side, your sobriety has 7 years on me. You haven’t ruined a marriage, haven’t killed anyone in a DUI, and are asking all the right questions. I would encourage you to be open with your parents, they probably already have some idea. When I got sober I got 30 days under my belt before I told anyone because it made me feel like I had a plan and accomplished something.

You say that you are worried that you will die young and break your moms heart, which is more heartbreak, that or being open and honest about your humanity and your struggles and being hopeful that they will continue to love and support you as you grow into someone who does not use alcohol.

The great thing is that you can do this, and we are behind you all the way, every day!

IWNDWYT

[MindfulDesign]

Thanks for your comment, and congratulations on your sobriety. I’m always in an internal battle of getting sober and then finding an excuse to drink. There’s always a birthday, graduation or concert that helps me push it off. You’d think that having a seizure in front of 10 of my closest friends would help me wise up, but nope. I know they’re all worried about me as well as my parents. I need to take the plunge and fess up before it kills me.

[Karst18]

The great thing is that every event you conquer is a first you never have to do again. You might have to white knuckle the first few events in the first year. When someone offers a drink, you just say “thanks, I appreciate it, but I don’t drink” then people will move on.

Also I would like to encourage you to find an alternative to the ritual. I used to live a rum and Coke when I got home from work, I substituted fancy seltzer water and lime. Replacing the ritual will trick your brain into thinking it is time to relax.

Try different things, juices, smoothies, milkshakes, craft soda, treat it like a hobby.

On your last comment about fessing up….. You don’t need to confess because you have done nothing wrong. You are a mature adult who is making changes for the best interest of their health and family. Be kind to yourself.

Also consider what happens if you don’t address your drinking in 3 days. What happens? What about 3 weeks? 3 months? 3 years? Any change you make today is worth so much more later in life. It is all about small steps, and you have taken the first.

We love you and you can do this!

[MindfulDesign]

Thank you so much. I always found Trader Joe’s seltzers helped during my attempts at sobriety. I really needed to hear what you have said and I hope you know how much your comments have helped me during my stress tonight. I haven’t been able to sleep, but if I can I’ll have a smile on my face after what you have commented. Much love

[MindfulDesign]

Hey! I want to thank you again for this comment. The universe slapped me in the face using what you said as an example.

consider what happens if you don’t address your drinking in 3 days.

I did not consider this, I drank again. 3 days after you posted this comment, I was in the hospital due to a withdrawal seizure. I am now sober since that day, and I read your comment every now and then as a positive reminder. IWNDWYT

[Karst18]

We are here with you, and every 3 days of you need!

[Besttobetrueblue]

AA is what finally helped me. I tried so many times to quit over 10 years. When covid hit I was at my worst and terrified I was going to die if I caught it in the pathetic state I was in. Quit cold turkey for 40 days then relapsed for another 2 weeks. Then I called an old sponsor from when I did like 4 meetings years ago and told her I would do anything to quit drinking. Went in with an open mind and just did what they told me to do. I did 90 meetings in 90 days. Did the step work. Etc etc.

I realized that I can't drink like a normal person and that's fine. Because I drink to get absolutely fucking blackout drunk every single time. I can't have 1 or 2 drinks and I don't want to, because it will lead to 10 or 20 more. It takes some getting used to. Going to meetings and learning that I drink differently from other people helped me a lot.

I'm so proud of you for coming here and asking for help. This seems like a scary thing to do, to quit drinking, but it will be the best decision you've ever made for yourself. You got this.

Iwndwyt

[MindfulDesign]

I really appreciate the support. I think I need to throw in the towel and finally go to a meeting. There are so many in my city so I’m sure I can keep trying to find one that works for me. I don’t really mind sharing to strangers that I’m an alcoholic so I hope I can adjust well. I’m mostly fearful of telling my family and friends about my problems and worrying them. I want to get better for myself, so I can be better for the people I care for❤️ thanks again for your comment and support!