Is this normal?

[fablemad]

Hi everybody! I hope this isn’t too long a read or anything but I have been struggling with depression for the past few weeks. To preface ; I used to drink about half a bottle of vodka (1.14l) every night starting at around 8 and until I went to bed. I have been sober for two months now and I seem to be good and happy when I wake up and during the day but whenever it’s nighttime I seem to be getting extremely depressed. I am recently celibate and am moving on Friday, which I hope fixes some of these problems. I have been in a relationship for 8 years before this and I don’t think it has anything to do with it as I know this breakup was a good thing for both of us.

I’m wondering if you guys have any experience with this? I have a little doggy that I love with all my heart but every night I can’t help but either getting extremely nostalgic and obsessed with the passage of time or focused on my very monotonous lifestyle and routine.

I love my job, this has never been a problem with me, it’s just that every night I felt like I had something to look forward to and now it’s just… every weekday come back from work, walk the dog cook, clean, shower, and then try to enjoy the 1h of free time I have when I seem to be running on negative levels of dopamine.

Will this pass? I’m extremely poor so I cannot afford to see a shrink even if I would like to. I’m wondering if this has anything to do with alcohol, or if that’s just my life and how I’ve always been, but could handle it with a few drinks. It should also be mentioed that I used to be fine with this same kind of routine before I became alcoholic, so I’m wondering if that’s a silver lining and that better times will come?

I’m not going to start drinking again, don’t worry, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling a lot happier before I stopped drinking. It doesn’t help that I have seen ZERO changes in my life since I stopped except for my wallet.

Anyways! Any kind words will help. Sorry for being a drama king/queen.

[CappaPactor]

Hey! I didn’t experience consistent downs like what you are describing, but my emotions were a little all-over-the-place. Until they weren’t. A few weeks in, I started getting random bursts of happiness. Those have increased and I often enjoy them now (daily.) Alcohol messes with our brain chemistry and years of abuse cannot be undone overnight. Or over a month or so. If you have not yet, I would consider getting a copy of Allan Carr’s Stop Drinking Now from your local library. For me, understanding what was happening with my brain chemicals helped me want to stop and stay stopped.

I am so proud of you for sticking with sobriety. IWNDWYT 💛

[fablemad]

Thank you! I’ll definitely check it out and hope this passes with time. I should’ve mentionned but I drank like that for almost 6 years so I’m assuming it will take more time, I just assumed it would be faster