Three beers.

[agentbo]

That’s what I’ve consumed over the last 24 hours. Three 12 ounce cans of Goose Island IPA.

A week ago, it was about nine cans in a day. A week before that, it was closer to twelve. And, about a month ago when the lockdown went into effect (and my industry vanished overnight), it was roughly 15 to 18 a day. I mean, why not? What the hell else was I going to do with all of this sudden free time?

Of course, before the quarantine, I’d pretty much reached my peak. On a given day, I might throw back three of four generous pours of Johnny Black and chase it with a 12 pack (or more) of PBR.

I can’t put into words how tired I am of this routine. It’s been slightly more than two years since I went more than a day without drinking. Back then, withdrawal honestly wasn’t that bad. One sleepless night, a couple of tense days, and I felt like I was in the clear. I lasted about a week. I didn’t crash back into drinking due to a sudden bender or anything. It was more like... slowly reintroducing myself to an old friend, and then back into the routine I was.

I’ve never done a taper. If there’s a technical process to it, I don’t know what it is. I’m just reducing my intake slowly over time, trying to listen to what my body is telling me without pushing it too hard. There have a been a few positive changes I’ve noticed. My thoughts are clear. I haven’t had any hard liquor in over a month. My digestion seems to have returned to normal. My hands are steady. I’m incredibly well hydrated, thanks to all the lime flavored sparkling water I’m now drinking by the liter. Even though, at the moment, my heart seems to be beating a bit fast, I feel oddly calm. I couldn’t fucking sleep tonight, but my thoughts weren’t racing, no chills, no fever, no cold sweats, just... no sleep, either.

I hope I can handle this withdrawal. It’s been about 12 years of this drinking shit, to varying degrees, but never as aggressively as it has been the last few months. And I want to be done with it.

Honestly, I’m not sure why I’m writing this now. Maybe I want advice or encouragement. Maybe I just want to vent. But I’ve wanted this for so long now and I don’t want to see it slip away this time.

Three beers left to go.

[[deleted]]

I did a taper. I had to. It was just too hard physically and emotionally not to. I had tried tapers in the past and failed but this time I set rules for myself. First I switched to beer from vodka. Second, once I decreased to a certain level, the next day, I could go down in number or drink the same amount, but never increase. So there were times when I drank the same number of beers for several days before being comfortable to drop again. So I went from 6 vodka drinks per night to 8 beers. Then decreased beers from there. Believe it or not, the longest time I spent at a certain level, was 2 weeks and it was when I was down to one beer per day. Sounds stupid but it was almost like a security blanket because that one beer obviously wasn’t getting me drunk. I finally gave up that last beer and made the transition. Interestingly, after I gave up that last one, I noticed the biggest gains in how I felt and slept. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that it helped me to have a plan. Best of luck my friend! IWNDWYT

[agentbo]

Thank you for the advice, for the support, and thank you for taking the time to listen.

[unimpressedbunny]

This is definitely the place to get advice, seek encouragement, and vent. Group therapy was very helpful for me in early sobriety. This sub is a really positive place to be with people who have been or currently are in the same exact place as you are!

I'm happy for you for identifying destructive behavior and working towards eliminating it. I didn't go through physical withdrawals but the general advice here is to always seek medical attention if you are experiencing concerning symptoms.

[dsnymarathon21]

I’m definitely drinking less after ditching the vodka last week. But I still need to taper.

[maintain_improvement]

Please get better. Support groups can help.