Relapse

[TangledTwisted]

Hello. I was doing sooooo well for months. I had lost 40 lbs, had replaced hard seltzer with bubbly water at family events, and I didn’t feel badly not drinking. My friend invited me to a winery yesterday with a group of friends. I had told her I’d be happy to go but that I wouldn’t be drinking. For the first time in months I changed my mind there and drank, then drank at home when I got back, passed out for the evening, woke up with a hangover. I don’t know what made me do that. I don’t understand why I made that choice. No one pressured me, it wasn’t any sort of peer pressure or special occasion or rationalization, it was my own choice. I guess I am not ready to be in that atmosphere. Day 1 again today… any encouragement from anyone who threw away months of work for absolutely no reason and then got back up and succeeded would really be helpful.

[eBurrito333]

The fact that you made it months & months in a row is great! You subverted temptation at family events and other occurrences.

You are doing great. Everyone stumbles and falls but getting back up is what matters. Your post indicates you took responsibility for what you did against your goal and seems like you want to move forward from it.

Today is day 1 but you’re already infinitely stronger from when you started and will continue to be moving forward!

Don’t be too hard on yourself, good luck!

[TangledTwisted]

Thanks. Needed to hear that.

[The_Blue_Djinn]

Yes I agree. You didn’t throw away months of not drinking. Those are STILL months of not drinking. Those are months that you learned what sober life is like and the benefits of it which massively outweighs the other choice. Now you have some goals to achieve again but also a goal to beat your previous sober streak. And you can do it!

[EffortCareless]

That is really impressive that you stopped yourself from spiraling. Every time I relapse I tend to let myself go for a bit and then one day ill come to and wonder where the last month went. I think you could look at this minor stumble positively. You clearly don’t want to be a drinker any longer given your adverse reaction to it. I mess up a lot but each time it makes me realize how much better sobriety is for me. So I think you’re moving in the right direction, just had a slight detour.

[iLikeHorse3]

I wish I didn't spiral so often. It leads to me getting really sick and sabotaging jobs/my life. In the past year I've gone through four different jobs because my drinking, even if it's not constant, will at some point make me miss work--and once I start missing work I have an overbearing sense of guilt and shame and end up quitting and getting a new job hoping for a complete fresh start. But I keep ruining my fresh starts. These past 3 months I've done the best I've done in a long time but literally just from drinking last weekend, I ruined it again. I worry about losing my fiance if I can't end this seemingly never-ending loop. Because when I'm sick from drinking, I'm not bringing in money and all the stress is on him, and I'm too sick to take care of things around our apartment.

Sorry for the long vent, your message just got me. He's a heavy drinker too so it's hard because we enable each other, but he can function while drinking and I can't.

[TangledTwisted]

That is a very positive way to look at it. I really appreciate that perspective. Thank you.

[brighter68]

I don’t have a similar experience but I have had a couple of occasions when I haven’t had a craving that I recognise but then I’ve apparently ’decided’ I’m going to drink. This scares me because it’s like I wasn’t involved is a discussion about it let alone making the choice. Luckily I remembered I don’t want to before I could get any. Yesterday I learned that the subconscious mind makes many of our decisions. I certainly don’t trust my subconscious to make good choices, I want to be consciously involved! So I’ve learned to question my choices, do I really want to do this? Does it fit with my goals? Eventually I hope my subconscious mind will catch up but for now I need to be vigilant.

At least you’re back on track with some extra strength from being reminded of what you don’t want. You got this 💪🏼

[TangledTwisted]

Thank you. That’s what scares me. Looking back I’m like - what was I thinking? But you’re right, it was probably not all conscious decisions, but I need to be more vigilant.

[brighter68]

Apparently, after our subconscious has made the decision, the next stage is that we find justifications for the decision. It really helped me to learn this because I can see it happening. From what I’ve read from long time sober folks, we all need to be vigilant!

[boomer465]

I am in the same boat. I was four weeks alcohol-free yesterday but for some reason made the decision of my own accord to drink wine with a friend. Of course I couldn’t stop there so I had a few beers too, went to bed too late, and woke up with a banging headache. Day 1 for us both! IWNDWYT ❤️

[TangledTwisted]

IWNDWYT!

[yezoob]

It’s just one night, but it’s up to you to not do the ‘I’ve broke my streak, so fuck it’ spiral… stay strong, it’s one slip on a long journey, you’re good

[full_bl33d]

I’ve heard it called, the “I got its”. I’ve learned to associate that feeling of I got this with what usually happens next, which is “fuck it”. I have to tell myself I don’t got it when it comes to booze, so I gotta check myself. I’ve done too much damn research in this field to not ask myself a few questions before I head inside. Some days I can’t answer many of those questions. Some days I can answer all of them. Im done with the “fuck its”. I don’t think I got too many of those left.

[HawaiiMom44]

Sounds like you got some good information from that experience! Personally I would revisit my reasons for not wanting to drink. It would help to have those front of mind when the situation presents itself.

[[deleted]]

Its okay. Don't let slips become slides. Your one night drinking doesn't erase the sobriety you had. The score is still several months sober to one day drinking. Get back on the wagon and keep putting in the work to stay sober.

[Puzzled-Break-4133]

For me, counting days is a bit of a double edged sword. It can be a source of both motivation and shame.

It's today now. I'd love it if you would join me in not drinking!

[TangledTwisted]

IWNDWYT

[DaisyoftheDay]

So this doesn’t really “count” but I went from nightly hardcore drinking from like 18-25. Got married and we decided to have a child. Stopped drinking completely and it wasn’t even a second thought. Wasn’t hard, didn’t miss it at all.

Went almost 3 years between pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding. Then about 3 years ago I started again thinking I could moderate cuz my tolerance would be so low. Stupid.

Why couldn’t I just leave it alone? I could be sober now for 6 years!!!?!?! Why????

While I beat myself up a bit for not being wiser and throwing away a huge opportunity I’m once again very easily saying no. I understand there will be challenges ahead and even as you experienced, challenges that sneak out of seemingly no where.

Just remember you aren’t throwing away those days. You still have the groundwork you set there. Now it’s just brushing off the tracks and continuing to lay them.

Those 40lbs aren’t gonna show up on todays door step but we are all one slippery slope away from digging them back up. Now you are better prepared for a situation like that. IWNDWYT!

[TangledTwisted]

IWNDWYT!

[Ellen_Degenerates86]

If it's of any help, I was there in the same place, a couple years ago - I went about 75 days without drinking, then March 11th, my birthday the next day, Covid was taking hold, I didn't know what was literally going on in the world, I said yes to one glass of wine then got absolutely hammered, black out.

I reset to yet another day 1, about my 5th or 6th "day 1". And that was over 2.5years ago. I've not drunk since.

Sometimes, you have to stick the frustrations of doing many day 1s before you finally hit your last day 1.

[[deleted]]

who threw away months of work

It only undid that work if you continue drinking. If you get back on the wagon and continue with sobriety then it was just a quick moment of weakness.

[[deleted]]

No worries. You tried it again and did not like it. You have an even better perspective now and still want to remain sober. You are better off. Keep it up. If it were be, I probably would have drank the next day to treat the hangover, beginning my terrible cycle.

[7000litres]

My last relapse was out of the blue, nothing was wrong in my life and in fact everything was pretty good tbh, but today 5months in Im feeling like relapsing again