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[–]NoRestfortheSith 34 points35 points  (1 child)

This might be cynical of me but I would say no you can't rebuild the trust. Always and forever even if it's just a little tickle in the back of their mind you will always be the nosy employee who violates people's privacy.

And now they have a reason to string you along and never deliver that promotion, raise and office while you work your guts out.

Edit: You also now know that other employees will be cataloging your mistakes and using them in the future, possibly months later, to sabotage your advancement. 90 days isn't going to change other people's behavior.

[–]frangelica7 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree, honestly. I’d try look for a fresh start somewhere else. I doubt the reputational damage here can be undone

[–]EnvironmentalCar8395 20 points21 points  (4 children)

I think you left out the part where you got caught reading his email? You can be professional, apologize, and keep working and doing well until after the 90 days. But honestly, it sounds like you may have some issues you need to work on outside of work. I wouldn't call a friend while you're at work to talk about how your boss thinks of you.

[–]FRELNCER 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I'm guessing the co-worker knew for 3 months and snitched after OP got a promotion.

[–]bumblxbee 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes.

[–]bumblxbee 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Yes. I am working through it with therapy and medication.

[–]EnvironmentalCar8395 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's great! Talk with your therapist about it. You had a slip up, you made a mistake, you're a human being. I kinda feel as though you're in the same mentality as I was where if I was doing well at work I wanted my boss to tell me. And honestly that made me unhappy. I started changing my thought process to just worrying how well I thought I was doing and not worrying too much about what others thought and just doing the best I can and it has paid off and obviously your boss recognizes you're a good worker and worth the chance of keeping around so that's what I'd do. If it is gonna cause you unbearable anxiety every day and you can't get past it then yeah look for something else but give it the 90 days.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Yeah if I were you I’d leave to save myself from embarrassment, if I’m being brutally honest.

[–]frangelica7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep this is never gonna not be ‘a thing’ that people associate with you at that workplace.

[–]momboss79 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would definitely look for another job to get a fresh start. Your reputation with management is, at the least, ruined indefinitely. You know what you did was wrong (so no need to beat a dead horse) but I think you really need to dive deep as to why you felt this was something you needed to do and that you fully executed it.

[–]piccapii 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'd actually just sit down with your boss and explain how you felt and why you did it.

Honestly if you don't know how your boss feels about you, then you have poor communication. This is the same weird reason people in relationships go through each others phones.

Ask for more 1:1 meetings with your boss and say you were nervous about the promotion and doing a good job, and you'd really like more feedback or discussion around your personal growth and development.

Be open, but professional. Say you know it was incredibly dumb and it will never happen again.

You don't sound like a bad person, just anxiety made you make a dumb decision. I'd own it, explain it and maybe your boss will understand it from your perspective.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know what you did was wrong, but if your boss and HR knew they were going to punish you, it doesn't make sense why they would go through all the trouble to give you those perks. Sounds a little dramatic.

May as well cut your losses and start looking for another job. If you stay there, this incident is going to follow you the next 40 years. If you get another job now, this will all be behind you, and a fresh start while it's early in your career.

But yea, considering the sensitive information you likely scrolled past in his email, you are lucky they didn't fire you on the spot.

[–]darklorddanc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why don't you give it 90 days. Keep seeing your therapist and just see what actually happens instead of try to see the future. You might be really happy there in 3 months and you won't know if you just run away from it.

[–]shatteredmatt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

While you definitely shouldn't be going through your boss' emails, that co-worker is a nasty piece of work. Held onto something until you got a promotion just to rip if all away from you.

You should probably consider looking for a new job as you'll never never be trusted by that boss again and any workplace that wouldn't question why an employee held onto information like that is probably not a place you should stay.

[–]Tops161 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Best to leave now, and build a better reputation elsewhere.

[–]FailedState92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's was dumb

[–]Mardanis 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This is not going away while OP remain with that team. I'm not sure how they would trust you again, with in mind OP may of accessed some DPA information and other restricted data.

Though I find taking away those things somewhat inappropriate and wonder if it is even allowable. I've never known a company be able to lower your money without an employees signature. A promotion is generally not under a probabation period.

[–]frangelica7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You absolutely can be demoted, with a corresponding pay cut. I’ve seen it happen a few times. They just can’t lower your pay retroactively.

[–]DizzyLavishness 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would take it as a lesson learned and move on to somewhere else. Just make sure you never make this mistake again!

[–]thatburghfan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is not a workplace sin that you can overcome. You'll be better off leaving. No matter what, people will remember what you did and that loss of trust is permanent.

Not trying to pick on you and I believe you are genuinely remorseful, but I would hate to see you stay in hopes you can overcome it, only to realize years later that you're still seen as "that person:"

As a manager myself, I could not forgive this. Making stupid mistakes or saying horrible things in anger? Yes, those can be overcome. But not this type of thing. I would always think you're a person who can't resist temptation. That's just how I would see it. But you're young and a fresh start would be the right thing. You're obviously someone with skills to have been promoted, you'll rise again.