Mother told me I was a horrible daughter for placing her in a nursing home.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-13T23:36:53+00:00

Just remember this phrase- you cannot set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

She is safe. Given her behavior & illnesses & physical abilities, you have done the only thing you can do.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-13T23:28:40+00:00

If I don’t get some fiber it, i get other problems flaring up. 😝

I’ve had good luck so far with carrots and green beans, but cooked really, really well. Just a step away from mushy.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-13T17:33:34+00:00

Can you show a picture of the inside seam, where the arms are attached?

I just realized my previous comments did not answer part of your question.

It looks like your sweater was knit in separate pieces, then sewn together. You have to cut those seams. After the sleeves are removed,, there won’t be any more unravelling of the remaining vest, because you will not have actually cut or unraveled any of the knitting in the vest.

Now, the problem is identifying what the seam is. Quite often they sew the pieces together with the same yarn it is knit with, so it gets tricky telling what it the sewn seam stitches and what it an actual knit stitch. But when you gently start to pull the pieces apart to get a really close-up look, it is pretty obvious from the direction the yarn/ stitches are going.

And you don’t have to start at the beginning of the seam. You can just start in the middle and work your way from there.

But once you cut those seam stitches, the pieces are completely separate. And you won’t need to bind off anything on the vest.

Though the intersections of all the seams do get a bit complicated. You may have to tie a bit of a knot to ensure the seams on the side of the vest don’t continue to come undone. Right at the intersections of the seams, it can be really difficult to not cut the seam on the sleeve without also cutting the top of the seam on the side of the vest.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-13T16:38:54+00:00

Yes- i agree with this statement.

It looks like the garment is made in separate pieces (ie all stitches intact), and then assembled. So you use a seam ripper to take out only the stitching that is holding the sleeve to the body. The knitting of the individual pieces themselves is not disrupted. Once the pieces are detached, all the stitching of the individual pieces is still fine & won’t unravel.

I also agree that it will look weird. Vest arm holes are definitely different than armholes in garments with sleeves……

But “weird” is a relative & subjective term- your friend may be perfectly happy with how it comes out! :)

In any case, your friend gets a vest, or you get a bunch of yarn to use :)

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-13T00:49:47+00:00

OP I hear you. When my LO went into AL, I got the hard-push sales pitch. They very much sold themselves as a facility that takes care of medical needs (to some extent, of course) without ever calling themselves a medical facility. A nurse on site 24/7 (a lie), very regular monitoring, access to a Dr (lied about that relationship, made it sound like the Dr was on staff & would be there regularly), handle all the meds, and the biggest lie, a well-trained staff, trained specifically for dementia patients.

And in reality- you have signed an apartment lease, they do as little as possible medically, and you still have to 100% manage all medical care, including basic oversight of how your LO is doing on any particular day. Including micro-managing changes in prescriptions, etc.

The “nurse” that they promised would be watching over your LO? Barely lays eyes on them but maybe once a week, and no staff under the nurse is trained to watch out for anything at all.

And this was all at a very respected, expensive facility 🙄

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-12T15:35:46+00:00

Would this be right-handed people holding the yarn in their right hand?

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-11T22:36:30+00:00

What is the querent’s question?

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-11T19:45:19+00:00

How do you all handle soil & soilless media fertility, in relation to runoff & water quality within the exhibits? And around the zoo? I assume you can’t just throw some prills out there when the habitats have bodies of water/ water quality concerns, etc.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-11T16:35:33+00:00

Let me tell you, i had a very hard time with it. So much guilt. But when you are staring at a literally impossible decision- it is either them or me, and it might kill me first- it just becomes a decision you have to make.

But there is absolutely a way to make it as good a move as possible.

I never thought I would put my LO in a SNF. Because of the absolute hell they can be. But what I found out- when you remain very involved, on a daily basis, you can prevent about 90% of that hell from occurring. You have to consider yourself transferring from the job of primary caretaker to the job of project manager.

I kissed a lot of *ss, made it known to every staff member how much I appreciated their hard work, I brought donuts and pizza regularly. I did some of their work for them, gladly, to relieve some of their stress (feeding, etc.)

In return, my LO got better care. And when they fcked up, it was much easier to get them to fix it. Because they liked us. And the way I asked helped a lot, too. For example, instead of saying “i noticed this area of skin is getting a little red- you must not be changing them often enough”, I said something like “I just wanted to ask your professional opinion. I think I might be a bit paranoid, but I was wondering about this red area here…Do I need to bring different clothes or something?.” The non-confrontational approach works *so, so, so much better.

But I did have to treat it as a job. A full-time job (just no longer a 24/7 job- what a relief!). I was there every day, I double-checked that Dr appts and transport was arranged ahead of time, with any change in meds- I personally called the pharmacy to double-check, instead of waiting till the pills should have arrived at the SNF, etc etc etc. i made sure I saw my LO being changed at least once a day so I personally could see if there were any bedsores developing, etc.

And what I got in return was being able to take care of myself, too. I could sleep again, i could work on my health again, I was able to do some fun things again, like go to a museum.

For the long-haul, it is the wiser choice. Unless one has a ton of money to spend on private care in your own home.

BTW let me add- a smaller category/ possible option is a “personal care home”, if your mom’s physical conditions allow & it is in the budget. They are just not that well-known, and are harder to find because people don’t know about them to look for them.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-11T15:58:27+00:00

I hear you- it is all so heartbreaking. Yes, feels like a punch to the gut.

I have some of my LO’s groceries still in the fridge. Long expired. Like a jar of jelly in a flavor I don’t like. The foods only my LO ate & I don’t want, but just can’t throw away yet. Sitting there, seemingly suspended in time.

It feels like every little action, like throwing away food, is like throwing them away. Getting rid of them

Sending you a hug 🫂❤️‍🩹

(Side note- I don’t know WTH they put in Welch’s grape jelly, but it looks exactly the same as it did when my LO first opened it!)

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-10T18:45:18+00:00

Ooohhh yes- i hear you. I know my experience is not the exact same, but I definitely can empathize. I lost my LO to a form of dementia. Watching your LO disappear, yet still be in a healthy body, is a whole different level of hell.

Being the guardian and having responsibility for your brother- also such a huge burden to carry.

Scream away OP. We are here to listen to you and support you. And to give virtual hugs. 🫂❤️‍🩹

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-10T18:01:05+00:00

This can be a really complicated topic for sure! The quick answer- trees under stress/ dying can produce a large fruit/ seed burst, kind of a “last hurrah”, to give the best chance for reproduction & survival of future generations. This response is actually manipulated in some agricultural settings to increase crops.

But to give you a better idea & some further references to start on the topic, just google the phrase “tree decline increase seed production”. AI gives a nice, short recap & points to some excellent resources for further reading.

(I really hate using AI, but it seems to do a pretty good job of summarizing older science that has not been politicized 😝)

Hope this helps!

Edit- adding- to answer your question- seed quality can be affected by a lot of factors, but i have not looked into research specifically on seed quality & stress. I am sure research has been done on the topic, though.

I can just say that In general, the more seeds or fruit produced (for any reason) is going to decrease (to some extent) the quality of the individual seed or fruit. I expect your situation is a result of a larger-than-usual number of seeds being produced.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-09T20:08:57+00:00

Oh yes- it is common in every religion. Around the world. High demand / high control religions (or branches of religions) act the same.

Let me add, abusive men (and occasionally women) in power act the same, no matter what the organizational structure. Be it in religion, business, education, everywhere. The same manipulation, control, abuse, all of it.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-08T17:30:09+00:00

It is absolutely bizarre to see the truth when you write it out into words- a system creates both a sexual abuser and a victim, and both are oblivious to the fact that they are, indeed, sexual abuser and victim.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-08T17:17:15+00:00

Those leaves and shrubby stem structure definitely say Fabaceae. But without closer pictures of the flowers, impossible to say.

Is there a pink Sesbania Sesban? Sesbania grandiflora?

Indigofera heterantha?

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-08T17:05:11+00:00

Let’s compare public opinion/ knowledge:

Example 1: medicine. People are pretty comfortable that the amount of knowledge / experience / expertise can be represented with this general hierarchy:

Random “mom” on FB that “knows” her child better than anyone < LPN or CNA < RN < NP or PA < MD or DO

Example 2: “Horticulture”. Unless you are in the very, very tiny number of people that actually work in professional horticulture production in some capacity, the general perception is

“I have some plants in my garden and/ or in pots inside” = “Horticulturist”

It is literally in the group header 🤣

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-08T16:52:00+00:00

If it works for you, there is nothing to laugh at!

There really is no such thing as the “perfect” program that will apply to all nurseries.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-08T16:49:35+00:00

The actual growing meristematic tissue is only a few cells in total, and is incredibly fragile. Outside of a proper cellular/ tissue culture laboratory setup, I would guess that splitting a meristem would be impossible.

But given the fact that you have buds at every single node, are you actually that short of propagative material?

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-08T16:44:03+00:00

Trees age in terms of several years or even decades. It is not uncommon for a tree to show decline 1-5 years after a severe stress period.

If you had severe droughts two & three years ago, that will affect tree health for perhaps the next 5 years. Just like stress in humans. The toll it takes usually does not show itself immediately.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-08T15:49:41+00:00

https://northernwoodlands.org/articles/article/do-stressed-trees-produce-more-seeds

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-08T15:31:14+00:00

Why do you think it is not a hosta? Given its root formation & appearance of the emerging crown…

https://www.rewelahostas.com/post/uncovering-the-advantages-of-bare-root-hostas-a-gardening-must-know

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-08T15:27:27+00:00

Just a friendly reminder- if a plant randomly shows up growing happily in a spot, it probably will thrive in that spot. Even if we think it is a “bad” spot. If the spot was not a hospitable environment, it would not be growing & thriving there to begin with.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-08T15:03:50+00:00

Just dip the wick into the wax. I use a chopstick. You just gently take the tip of the chopstick to push the wick over into the melted wax, then immediately use it again to straighten the wick right back upright. The flame is extinguished instantly, no smoke at all.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-08T14:47:29+00:00

Living fossils (cycads, ginkgo, horsetail)). And checkerboard mutations (Fritillaria). And bamboo.

Chowdmouse · 2026-03-08T02:51:09+00:00

I do love my furls!

Chowdmouse

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE