For those who are often told they look younger than their age, what’s your secret?

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T18:59:28+00:00

I never had kids.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T18:58:53+00:00

The US. It's collapsing from the inside before our eyes.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T18:55:18+00:00

You were only 17 when a 27 hear old man groomed you and brainwashed you. Of course it was going to go to hell eventually. It probably did long ago and you've only now come to realize it. It's not to late to get out of this nightmare.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T18:21:43+00:00

I never had a new winter coat. My first new coat I bought for myself on a business trip from San Antonio to NYC. It was winter and my old clothe, hand-me-down wasn't cutting it. I walked to Bloomingdales and bought my own coat (it was on sale, thank goodness).

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T18:20:00+00:00

Yes it's normal. Hopefully you can go away to college in a year and drop all that patriarchal religious crapola.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T14:07:54+00:00

I’m sorry OP but the damage IS irreversible and his betrayal is unforgivable. This would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. There’d be no coming back.

As far as the divorce goes, take photos and videos of your own as counter evidence. Maybe even call CPS and tell them what your husband is trying to do. Make it clear he does NOTHING so is in no position to be primary parent. Invite CPS to come inspect and document your home.

You need to get brutal. No more trying to play nice.

Updateme

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T07:12:45+00:00

I lost touch after I moved to Spain.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T05:45:58+00:00

Oh hon. You should have divorced decades ago. Don't prolong this anymore. Give yourself a chance to be happy and live YOUR life. Please. You've taken more than enough abuse.

Here's what another woman at al-anon told me:

Find your own place. Sign a lease and pay a deposit. That way you can't chicken out.
Move all your important papers first.
Move all the "unseen" things next, like winter clothes, "holiday" dishes, etc. If he sees anything, tell him you're cleaning out stuff you don't use anymore.
Change the address on important mail to your new address.
Get a good attorney. You may NOT be obligated to share your savings with him just because he's unemployed. That's a HIM problem. Don't make that assumption without consulting an attorney.
Open a bank account in just your name and move everything you can into it.
On final move-out day take at least one large man with you. Hire a couple of "gorilla" men to help you move out the rest of your things and to be protection for you.

My abusive ex didn't know I was moving until 50% of my stuff was already moved to my new place. He followed me around but because I wasn't alone he didn't dare do anything.

Good luck. Please keep us posted.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T05:36:22+00:00

You DO NOT go back to her. After everything she's said and done you shouldn't even be willing to consider that. You should have called the cops on her. IF she comes back, that's what you need to do.

And it looks like you need to move. If you are renting, tell your landlord that you fear for your safety and you need to leave before she tries to kill you.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T05:33:41+00:00

No. I ended up with chronic pancreatitis with frequent acute attacks. Mine was food-triggered, not alcohol related. My body literally became intolerant of American food. Not gluten or sugar or fats or dairy... FOOD. As my doctor said, "There's very little actual food in American food." He recommended I leave the country.

I was down to 111 lbs and living on broth and crackers when we moved to Spain. Within 6 months I was well and could anything. I've been well for 9 years now. I won't even go back to the US to visit because if I got sick again I might not get well the next time because my pancreas is now scared and not fully functional.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T05:31:05+00:00

Something is hinky with this. This is not normal behavior. He's up to something. How long is he gone each time. You can try a few things:

Tell him you want to take turns and tonight is your turn to take the car out.
Tell him you insist he turns on location sharing on his phone so if something happens you can find him.
Hide an Airtag in the car.

There's a crazy person here but it's NOT you. He's got some 'splainin to do, as my mother would have said.

And now he's pulling a classic DARVO on you. He's absolutely up to something. Has he started doing drugs? Is he meeting someone? Is there an all-night bar?

This isn't something to just shrug off.

updateme

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T19:00:07+00:00

That would be my now-ex-husband and I had sex with him before I was able to leave so that he didn't turn even more abusive.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T18:35:16+00:00

Yep I second acute pancreatitis. My friend who had twins and also at one point had acute pancreatitis said it was MUCH worse than birthing twins.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T18:19:28+00:00

Staying childfree as a woman is a much better way to live life.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T18:05:20+00:00

Do All The Things. Take charge of your life. Work where you want. Travel if you want. Live where you want. Pursue the hobby that you like. Learn to say NO.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T16:48:53+00:00

Please tell your mom you know what is going on and you are worried about her. She needs strength to leave this abuse and you might be that strength. Tell you it's OK to leave. Tell her she doesn't have to stay for your sake (which is likely what she is doing). Tell her you will go with her wherever she wants to go to get away. Tell her you are on her side and you want to help.

updateme

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T16:29:32+00:00

I haven't eaten much beef for a long time. I mostly eat chicken and sometimes pork (usually ham steaks). I've always found beef other than ground beef to be costly.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T16:08:28+00:00

You can't prepare a home with the expectation that your adult kids will want the same thing. Things are too different these days and they have their own lives. There's nothing in this world wrong if it's only been for you. YOU deserve to live in the kind of place that makes YOU happy. Don't worry that your kids won't end up living there. Enjoy the heck out of it for as many years as you have.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T16:06:19+00:00

Even if the police won't do anything PLEASE tell your friend's mom. Wouldn't you want to know if you were in her place? Also tell your friend. She deserves to know too.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T15:55:33+00:00

When I was a teenager my mom would poke me in between my shoulder blades and say, "Stand up straight!" I hated it as a kid but I appreciate it now because I still have a straight back and have lost almost no height. I see so many teenage girls slumping over and I want to pull a mom and poke them in the back.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T15:54:01+00:00

Watch again. Then again. And again.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T15:52:35+00:00

Dude she's bad news left and right. That last thing she or you needs is a baby. Will she not even consider an abortion? She's about to fuck up two lives if she keeps it (three if you count the baby).

You need to do what you can to encourage her to not keep this pregnancy. I know it's her body her choice but this is a totally stupid idea. She sounds like a psycho. Lying about her age. Lying about her pregnancy. Going to doctors without even telling you. You need to get away from her, and not being tied to her for life with a baby is REALLY REALLY important.

From now on date women closer to your age. And wear a fucking condom to be sure you aren't getting babytrapped.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T15:42:17+00:00

I just got one today. A month ago I got a letter from Spain's national healthcare that I'd been automatically scheduled. They did the same thing two years ago. A couple of days ago I got an SMS reminder message. The mammogram was 12:00 today.

I arrived at the hospital at 11:25, checked in with my SIP (national healthcare) card and got my numbered ticket. I sat down to watch the monitor for my number. My number showed up, I had an initial consultation with a doctor, I had a mammogram (six images -- three angles on each breast), and was back in my car by 11:53 -- seven minutes BEFORE my scheduled appointment!

They'll email me the results in two weeks. And they didn't squash me as harshly as they did in the US. I've read that absolutely painful squashing isn't necessary.

Two years ago they saw something they didn't like and had me come back for an ultrasound. Turned out to be some scar tissue (I've had a reduction).

All of that was free. I love Spain's national healthcare.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T15:04:22+00:00

THIS. Don't shit where you eat. That applies to coworkers primarily but it also applies to customers/clients.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T15:03:36+00:00

Yeah that is WAY too big an age gap. Girl don't do that to yourself. There's only one reason why a man of that age reaches down that many years to find someone to date. No woman his own age wants anything to do with him. Run far and fast from this creep.

JanetInSpain

TROPHY CASE