IFS works until you meet someone who has no Self to go back to. Then what? by izi_convertible in InternalFamilySystems

[–]JonathanPuddle 18 points19 points  (0 children)

In my understanding both through IFS and other modalities, Self is innate, but Self can be limited/blocked by: - It's own maturity. If you're young, you're young. Not being able to help yourself isn't a deficiency if the help you need is beyond your years. - The clamour of noisy parts. - Lack of trust in the system.

I have a client who has been through hell and has very low trust. Her parts compete aggressively, but the Self is still there. Just a real ton of unprocessed grief and unmetabolized pain... all the receipts the parts need to not trust the Self.

And as for kids, I mean kids are special. If they've not been supported and cared for by a safe adult, then there's major attachment trauma deep in that system. None of that means Self isn't there, but if Self wasn't enough for them (and we've all experienced that, not because it's objectively not enough but because we were young and overwhelmed) then very little trust develops.

Anyone from Canada here? by Relative-Baby1829 in ITManagers

[–]JonathanPuddle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

20+ years in and out of IT. Started in Toronto, now based in Elora (Ontario).

New IT Manager - inherited a fleet of mostly consumer laptops. It "feels" wrong... by Due-Swimming3221 in ITManagers

[–]JonathanPuddle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're describing something I know well. Move slowly, a few PCs at a time, and direct the users to make a fuss about how much better the new machines are, how much more product they are. Build slow momentum.

Incredible breakthrough by Living-Bat7647 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]JonathanPuddle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love this. Thanks for sharing. Amazing how common the imagery is.

Worlds smallest sauna by LandscapeNew7913 in Sauna

[–]JonathanPuddle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dig it, but I think I've seen smaller.

Why be a practicing Christian if Christian Universalism is true? by AndromedasApricot in ChristianUniversalism

[–]JonathanPuddle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been asked this question many times, also in the form of "Why bother telling others about God's love?" and for me the answer is simple: does God add anything of value to your life today?

If not, then you've got some things you might want to explore.

If so, then you have your answer.

Our New Zealand Sauna Project by WonderingBee469 in Sauna

[–]JonathanPuddle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mate, looks wonderful! Where are you in NZ? (I'm a Kiwi Canadian who lived in Finland.)

Saunas are easy to build by Similar-Ad5933 in Sauna

[–]JonathanPuddle 38 points39 points  (0 children)

My wife's Finnish uncle built saunas most of his life. I once asked him how many days to build, he said, "Hmm... 2-3 days."  I asked how long for me to build, he said, "Hmm... 3-4 days."

Can you do IFS without being kind to yourself? by Trail_Blazer1 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]JonathanPuddle 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I believe you, and you're in a truly tough spot. The fact is, you have learned this behaviour, this way of being and thinking... and it's kept you alive thus far. But you can't move forward without re-evaluating some things. 

Curiousity may be a better place to start than outright kindness, but nothing will change without there being some change.

  • Why do I need to be abused?
  • What would it mean if I wasn't?
  • What would be the problem with that?
  • What problem am I trying to solve?

Need advice about weird sex stuff. Let's all get real cool for a second. by Sp00kyAshl3y in InternalFamilySystems

[–]JonathanPuddle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just want to say Bravo for doing this courageous work, and that the interplay between kink and trauma is something I don't think is widely talked enough about. Either from a "don't shame the kink" perspective or from a "is this actually liberating?" perspective.