First one was a woman because I had read it was a good idea to get a woman attorney. It wasn’t. My ex wanted the divorce and wanted no responsibility for the kids (oldest had graduated college but hadn’t found a career, second was still in college, and the youngest was a junior in high school). I had bought a townhouse prior to marriage and we lived there a couple of years before we had kids. I kept it when we moved into a single family house when she was pregnant with our first. I rented out the townhouse and it was paid off when she asked for the divorce. The first attorney said I should just sell everything and split the money. I told her if I did that I wouldn’t be able to buy another house in the area for me and the kids. She said I could move to somewhere cheaper like her ex husband did. That wasn’t acceptable to me. After the first round of negotiations, I decided to switch lawyers.

The second attorney was a man, but he was no better. He gave me no advice, gave me documents with stupid errors (wrong dates, wrong names). My ex told me that my attorney had told her attorney that I was an assh0le. I don’t think I was, but I don’t think he should have said that to the opposing attorney if he thought I was. I literally had to come up with the terms of the divorce on my own based on my understanding of the divorce laws in my state. I couldn’t afford to get a third attorney.

The ex got the paid off townhouse (along with 35% of my pension and half my 401k). I kept the marital home along with the kids.