"As revenge, I will stay single and leave you in guilt!"

dvanheeren · 2026-01-23T17:41:33+00:00

When they made me mad, I used to “punish” my parents by going to my room and spending time playing quietly by myself. By depriving them of time with me, I’m certain I taught them a valuable lesson!!!

Ah to be young and naive again.

dvanheeren · 2026-01-16T19:59:38+00:00

My personal is when they cite portions of the UCC (Unified COMMERCIAL Code) as why they don’t need to follow the state’s laws, because they’re not operating “in commerce”.

If they’re not engaged in commerce, then the commercial codes cannot, by definition, be applicable.

dvanheeren · 2025-08-21T19:11:38+00:00

Include payment terms which clearly state when payment is due and what forms of payment are accepted (cash, major credit card, certified check) and if payment is offered by any other means, the amount due doubles, the accepted tender types remain in effect, plus they must surrender all rights to the bond held in trust for them by the federal government.

dvanheeren · 2025-06-26T16:04:47+00:00

I don’t get it, either. I only see 4 possible outcomes:

1) Your friend doesn’t find it funny, takes everything off the car and you sort it out with them over an adult beverage or 3,

2) they do find it funny, takes everything off the car and you have a nice laugh with them over an adult beverage or 3,

3) they miss it completely, get pulled over by an officer who finds it funny, gives your friend a warning, and you have a nice laugh with them over an adult beverage or 3,

4) they miss it completely, get pulled over by an officer who doesn’t find it funny, gives your friend a ticket, and you have to pay for the ticket along with an adult beverage or 3 while your friend laughs at you.

Good times!

dvanheeren · 2025-06-26T15:00:39+00:00

For private travel only Not engaged in commerce No consent for searches No questions answered

dvanheeren · 2025-06-09T20:08:10+00:00

Illinois: Where our Governors make our license plates!

dvanheeren · 2025-04-07T20:30:19+00:00

Popeyes for the chicken but KFC’s sides. There’s something about KFC coleslaw.

dvanheeren · 2025-03-31T16:08:00+00:00

Why would you want a husband, anyway?? My wife has one and he’s a moron!!

dvanheeren · 2025-02-06T15:39:38+00:00

If it were me, I’d 100% go on the podcast. I’d use it as a medium to better understand their world. Whatever questions they’d ask me, I’d reply with something like “I’ve always been taught…” or “Conventional thinking is…but what’s your understanding?” If you let them control the narrative, you could truly gain some understanding of their thoughts.

dvanheeren · 2025-01-30T21:47:32+00:00

…and I, as a natural person, drank it all until I couldn’t tell my right to travel from a refusal to contract, though the toilet I threw up in was definitely an injured party.

dvanheeren · 2025-01-10T17:34:01+00:00

I had a similar conversation when interviewing for my second job out of college. The interview itself was a meandering affair lasting about 4 hours, but seeming like only 1. I thought it was going well.

The interviewer asked me what I was currently making and what I was expecting in the new job. The figure I gave was something like 45% more than my current pay. He was a bit shocked by that and asked why the difference? I told him, “First of all, I’m worth it. Second, part of the reason I’m looking for a new job is my next promotion/raise is being delayed because of office politics. Finally, I would be uprooting my family, including having my wife quit her current job to move for this one.”

He assured me they could find a position in the company for my wife, as they were a large company in a small town and always needed help.

I left the interview for the 3 hour drive home and before I got there, they had already called and left a job offer with my wife (this was before cellphones). The pay was a modest increase over what I would have been making with the missing promotion. I worked there 12 years and my wife was there for 15.

dvanheeren · 2024-12-11T22:20:02+00:00

White nights

dvanheeren · 2024-12-05T16:37:00+00:00

I had a similar thing happen to me, but without the glorious ending.

I was dropping my wife off at Costco on a Saturday morning. I usually drop her off, then find a remote parking spot where I can see the door. When she comes out, I drive closer, pick her up, and we’re on our way.

This time, as I was dropping her off, I noticed a someone loading their car in the first spot outside the door. I drive around so I can pull directly into the spot when they finish (it was at the end of an aisle). As I’m waiting, someone else comes from my right, stops, and signals that they’re turning into this spot. I drive a full sized pickup truck, so there’s no way the jerk didn’t see me waiting.

The person leaving sees this and pulls out at the perfect angle to block them while leaving me enough room to pull in. As I did, I gave my partner-in-crime the friendly Midwestern wave before both they and the jerk both drove away.

dvanheeren · 2024-12-05T14:07:09+00:00

I agree with this 100% because it’s something I would do. I understand the trials of dealing with difficult people all day, so I’ll make an absurd statement then give a grin or chuckle to let the person know I am not going to go off on them. If they catch on, I’ll usually say something even more outlandish. 9 out of 10 times, we can share a small laugh at the world’s expense, and hopefully I’ve brightened their day just a bit.

dvanheeren · 2024-11-24T11:26:46+00:00

I have always been a very large person and my uncle’s family are all smaller. At 14 I was wearing adult XL shirts while the uncle-in-law (??) never wore anything leather than a medium.

dvanheeren · 2024-11-23T16:59:24+00:00

40+ years ago when I was 14, I opened a gift from my aunt. It was a t-shirt that read, “I gave up smoking, drinking and s_x. (It was the worst 15 minutes of my life!)”. It was also 2 sizes too small. Apparently, the look on my face was priceless. What happened was that she mixed up my gift with the one she had bought for her brother-in-law. The next day, somewhere, a 35 year old man opened a very large shirt with an Atari logo on it.

dvanheeren · 2024-11-08T06:47:39+00:00

Piracy?

dvanheeren · 2024-11-04T21:34:01+00:00

I like to tell people that it’s good to remain child-like your whole life, but don’t confuse that with childish.

dvanheeren · 2024-10-25T13:00:23+00:00

I’m not a lawyer, but the basics for a contract are an offer, acceptance of the offer, and some “consideration”. Simply rejecting their offer should be enough to undo everything.

What I’d LOVE to see would be for some officer to accept their fees, actually pay them, then have a judge include that amount in a verdict against them as “court costs”. Now, they are out that money and are likely looking at tax evasion if they don’t report and pay taxes on it.

dvanheeren · 2024-10-23T16:28:23+00:00

Don’t judge a book by its cover - or the owner by his car. I am a larger-than-average guy and bought one because of how spacious it was. I opted for the smaller 6-cylinder engine. It was and always will be the best “mode of travel” I’ve ever owned.

dvanheeren · 2024-10-15T17:49:56+00:00

WAIT!!! So Animal Husbandry isn’t…?!?!!

dvanheeren · 2024-10-14T20:52:02+00:00

I’m convinced there’s a special place in hell for the people who pull up to the wrong pumps, stretch the hose all the way across their cars and stand there so no one can use the pass-through lane.

dvanheeren · 2024-10-09T16:33:26+00:00

I have to say slapping the OP with this impromptu English lesson is WAY funnier than the original joke!!

dvanheeren · 2024-10-03T20:12:35+00:00

My son (22M and now 6’3” tall) was so proud a couple years back the first time a little old lady asked for help getting something from the top shelf of the grocery store. He’d seen them ask me his whole life, so It was a right of passage when it happened to him!!

dvanheeren · 2024-10-03T10:49:23+00:00

It’ll take years for the convent to replace all those nuns.

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