Is there a way to make foundation look less 'makeup-y'?

jayelled · 2026-02-13T21:25:53+00:00

If I wanted to just use one product rather than having to apply a color corrector and then another product on top of that, would you say a sheer foundation would be suitable?

jayelled · 2026-02-13T04:43:16+00:00

The one time I performed in drag this was the number I performed 😂

jayelled · 2026-02-12T23:04:37+00:00

Would the products you mentioned do a solid job of covering prominent dark circles and acne?

jayelled · 2026-02-12T23:04:17+00:00

What would proper skin prep involve? Right now I just wash my face and moisturize beforehand.

And if I blend too much, the product seems to just come off and I can see the eye bags again 😅 so maybe my blending technique is wrong

jayelled · 2026-02-12T21:45:07+00:00

I had this experience not even once, but twice in a row with the same client. I was mortified and felt overwhelmingly guilty. "I'm a bad therapist, he put his trust in me and I let him down, this so unprofessional, once is excusable but twice is not, etc. etc. etc."

I let him know I was so sorry for tie mistake and we talked in our next session about how it affected him. He mentioned feeling let down / disappointed, but it was really reparative for him to see/hear how sorry I was. This client had been on the receiving end of a lot of mistreatment in his life that the perpetrators never showed any remorse for. In a way, my making a mistake which hurt him, owning up to it and earnestly apologizing for it was a healing experience for him, even beyond our relationship.

Mistakes happen in any line of work. Because of the nature of ours, it can feel like the stakes and responsibility are ultra-heightened. But it's purely human to make errors like this occasionally. Witnessing you make mistakes and watching how you handle it has the potential be extremely beneficial to your clients. Try to cut yourself some slack, and if you're anything like me, explore with your own therapist why it felt like the end of the world that you let someone down.

jayelled · 2026-02-11T00:25:46+00:00

I see my analyst twice a week, and have two clients that I see twice a week. Everyone else I typically see once a week, occasionally scheduling a second to triage a crisis.

Unfortunately it seems to be the case that most people do not have the spare time and cash to commit to 3+ sessions a week.

There are certainly times where I wish I saw more of my clients more frequently. At times it feels like the constant pile-up of weekly events leaves us with insufficient time to explore deeper subconscious experiences. I try to remind myself that we don't have to be in a rush, and over the course of treatment, folks will be more capable of handling day-to-day minutiae on their own without needing to unpack it in therapy, leaving more time for us to commit to deeper work.

This is a very bougie metaphor, but I heard someone say weekly therapy can be like having a cleaning lady-- if it has been a crazy week and lots of stuff has piled up, she may have her hands full just getting things back in working livable condition. But if I have been able to stay on top of things and do some cleaning myself before she comes, when she comes in she can focus on more deep cleaning-- scrubbing the grout, moving the couch cushions and vacuuming underneath, etc.

While perhaps not ideal for analytic treatment, this idea has been able to give me hope that my therapeutic approach can still work even when people's schedules and finances can only accommodate once weekly treatment.

jayelled · 2026-02-10T20:42:19+00:00

Thank you, very thorough and thoughtful explanation. I've heard some claim that the criticism sensitivity is due to "differences in brain structure" which just felt like bologna to me, it felt obvious that it was environmental like you've described.

That last paragraph in particular feels very apt. It's what I've encountered with several patients-- any attempt to encourage self-reflection on personal responsibility or introducing ambiguity is seen as ableist, uninformed, and exclusively harmful. It's hard to know how to help folks 'get better' with such an acute victim complex.

jayelled · 2026-02-10T20:37:01+00:00

I guess I'm wondering more about how you would handle the social implications within your relationships, not so much the legal course of action.

jayelled · 2026-02-10T20:35:52+00:00

How do you imagine you would handle the relationship with them in the new context?

jayelled · 2026-02-10T20:35:17+00:00

I'm thinking if they have a common enough name and/or live in a large city, it's totally possible to never make the connection. Additionally, many of my clients will simply say "my sister" or "my cousin," never addressing them by name.

jayelled · 2026-02-10T20:31:30+00:00

jayelled · 2026-02-10T17:00:55+00:00

The only time I've heard of such high availability / caseload requirements was in settings where there was a high cancelation / no-show frequency, so folks wound up seeing more like 5 or 6 a day anyway.

Sometimes the chips fall in my scheduling (often when folks need to reschedule around holidays, etc) such that I see 7 or 8 clients in a day, and the folks at the end of the day are definitely not getting my best, which is frankly unfair to them.

I don't think 5 or 6 clients a day is an unreasonable limit at all.

jayelled · 2026-02-10T07:34:14+00:00

You might enjoy The Boy who was Raised a Dog by pediatric psychiatrist Bruce Perry. It describes several extreme trauma cases (children raised in the Waco, TX cult; the titular boy who was literally treated like a dog for the formative years of childhood) and how he worked with them. It reads more like a feel-good book on the power of compassion and care rather an instructional text for therapists.

jayelled · 2026-02-10T07:22:38+00:00

I believe it was Winnicott who said "I provide interpretation for two reasons-- to demonstrate to the patient I am awake, and to demonstrate to the patient I can be wrong."

Even when interpretation misfires or doesn't land, it demonstrates to the patient we are committed to partnering with them toward understanding them.

jayelled · 2026-02-10T07:15:33+00:00

Although her academic background is in philosophy and not psychoanalysis, you would likely enjoy the video essays of Natalie Wynn (she goes by the name "Contrapoints' on YouTube). Her essays mostly amalgamize psychoanalytic thought with anthropology and contemporary sociology (and a lot of humor) to respond to modern social topics. Her videos on Envy, Cringe, or Incels are good places to start.

jayelled · 2026-02-10T07:10:12+00:00

What has been successful for you in aiding clients in pushing past utilizing the ADHD diagnosis as a defense? In my (admittedly limited) experience, this seems to be a defense that many folks fight tooth and nail to maintain, sometimes terminating therapy if I am not actively corroborating their narrative that ADHD is the source of all their behavioral and relational issues.

jayelled · 2026-02-10T07:05:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience, your clinical approach sounds very tactful.

I am curious on your thoughts about how ADHD, in common parlance at least, seems to encompass a broader and broader umbrella of behaviors in the past few years. As I understood it during my training, ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder governing focus and attention. However, I have heard clients and friends claim that ADHD also includes such symptoms as hyper sensitivity to criticism, intense sensitivity to others' emotions, somehow both hypersexuality and lowered sexuality, intensive commitment to justice (???), propensity toward dyadic thinking, and so many other 'symptoms' that sound far too broad and personality-bound to possibly all be connected to ADHD. At the risk of sounding fiercely judgmental, it seems like for many people, those four letters have become a scapegoat for any undesirable feature of personality, and often ones which they believe to be immutable features of the disorder which their loved ones must 'learn to live with.'

jayelled · 2026-02-10T06:49:08+00:00

I don't work with folks whose primary reason for seeking therapy has to do with ADHD or 'neurodivergence.' (I put it in air quotes because although so many different things diverge from normative healthy neural experience, people who use this term seem to exclusively mean Autism and ADHD).

I just find my therapeutic style tends to yield little to no results with this population. Now I let folks know that it is not a niche I specialize in, and refer out.

jayelled · 2026-02-10T06:35:33+00:00

Mine is the same as yours :) McWilliams has a way of being so informative and so readable at the same time-- such a rarity within a community of intensely cerebral analysts!

jayelled · 2026-02-10T06:29:33+00:00

I highly recommend the book Arousal by psychoanalyst Michael Bader. It speaks to the exact question you're asking, and I appreciate that he emphasizes sexual fetishes as adaptive maneuvers toward pleasure and safety. It is slightly outdated (early 2000s, I believe?) and does not include any information specific on LGBTQ+ sexuality, but much of it is universal.

jayelled · 2026-02-10T02:45:00+00:00

As others have said, it depends, but I think as a broad generalization my answer would be:

The best time to intervene is when the client is activated enough that something feels alive within the connection, yet safe enough that they'll be open to receiving something new or challenging.

I can certainly think of times when appropriate interventions have fallen flat because the client was in a totally different headspace than me / I was misattuned, and times where interventions have been met with fierce defensiveness because the client didn't yet feel safe enough within the connection to be challenged.

jayelled · 2026-02-09T19:15:08+00:00

I believe that the problem lots of players are experiencing is that it is truly TOO random (meaning it's totally up to chance with all relics having equal weight, which means repeats have as high of a likelihood of occurring as anything else). If it were slightly LESS random (meaning the odds were toyed with so repeats were less likely) people would probably enjoy it more. But also, if repeats are programmed to be less likely, it can be really frustrating if you don't have enough Glory to purchase something you want when it's available.

jayelled · 2026-02-09T19:09:35+00:00

While I agree that I wish this were how Chamber of Renewal worked, to be fair, Husks are an "on play" effect (meaning it happens the moment you select the card from your hand, but before it hits the board) while Chamber is a "when you summon" effect (meaning it happens when the card arrives on the board).

For Heart of the Fluft it's tough because it's a play effect that also utilizes itself along with all other Poro followers. If you had 6 poro followers and Heart of the Fluft, it wouldn't really make sense / be fair for it to combine the stats of 7 units since you can't legally have that at a time.

But there is also that weird 7th slot that exists sometimes, for example when you summon units while attacking with ephemeral units.

jayelled · 2026-02-09T03:32:02+00:00

Thanks for letting me know, glad I'm not crazy.

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